Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum


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Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31, 2020. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on September 29, 2019 at 4:13am

Sara ...  I feel exactly like you do.  We sure didn't ask for this.  We are the same people we always were, yet others don't seem to see us as individuals.  Thank you for the kind comment regarding myself being there my girlfriend, but after Ernie passed she was there for me.  Now it's my turn to help her out as best I can.  I do try my very best to fit in and not feel like a visitor even with my immediate family, but I have to be honest in saying I still feel that way.  

I hope things are going much better for you Sara.  You deserve peace and happiness.

Comment by deborah peck on September 27, 2019 at 7:06am

I have to share this, I was sitting on my porch the other day watching the birds at my feeders and a dove flew up on the steps of my porch then to the floor of it, it walked around for a minute, mind you I am maybe 2 feet away, then it went to the door mat and layed down, or hunched I guess, the way they do when they are staying awhile, it stayed that way for quite awhile until I reached for my phone to take a picture, I went inside to get a drink after it flew away and when I came back out it was sitting on the porch railing, was so very strange that I think it was Greg letting me know he was here, or I like to think that anyway. Did you know that doves mate for life, when their partner dies they will find another, isn't that so cool, I don't know, maybe Im seeing what I want to see but Ive never seen a bird act like that

Comment by Sara Murphy on September 26, 2019 at 11:22am
Marsha....I understand. I don't know where I fit in anymore either. I feel like I have an existence but not a life and I'm just a visitor in other people's lives. I have to work on changing that.
Your girlfriend is lucky to have you. Most of us have had to navigate this journey by ourselves because our friends/family can't understand. Now we're the people who will help them when the time comes.
Comment by Marsha H on September 25, 2019 at 3:52am

My dear brother Charles ...

I am so sorry it has taken some time for me to get back to you, but like you, there has been so many deaths I've been confronted with or terminal illness' although I am thankful at least these people are close enough for me to phone or go visit them.  As you know my girlfriend's husband passed the very month and day Ernie passed away; April 27th.  How strange that is!  I am so sorry you are experiencing so many deaths in your own family or friends and it only reminds us how fragile life is.  I hope you and Steve are doing well and I honestly do think of you often.  I too wish that all of us could meet somewhere halfway just to put a face to each wonderful soul on here.  

Love you back!

Your sis Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on September 25, 2019 at 3:45am

Dear Sara ...  What a wonderful surprise to see you post and I appreciate you being concerned about me when I know you must have times that aren't going that great for you either.  

I guess the big question for me is I can't seem to find 'ME' and where I fit into things in my life.  I still volunteer at the shelter and go to Bible Study; see some friends off and on and visit with my small immediate family, but I feel so alone and almost empty inside.  I keep busy (painting my living room right now) but wonder 'what for?'  Guess I'm having a pity party.

I'm still helping my girlfriend out who's husband passed away in April and even through the worst of it we manage to have some good laughs.  

GETTING YOUR PICTURE BACK FOR POSTING:  Firstly when you log in you will see a small little square box just to the left of where you password is and when you click onto that then it will remember your password without you putting it in.  Just start to type you Username in and suddenly it will remember you and 'click' you are on the forum.  As far as the picture being attached go to the Home Page and it will guide you to put your picture up along with your profile.

I hope you have many happy days and when I don't see someone post I pray it's because they are getting on with their life and having more happier times than sad one.



Comment by Sara Murphy on September 23, 2019 at 11:36am

Hi All......I think it's been about a month since I was last able to visit and check in with everyone.  In that time, I must have automatically been logged out because I had to find my password and now my profile picture is not there.  I couldn't find how to add that back.   Does anyone know?  I went to My Page and thought I could find a link but I must be missing something.

I haven't been able to read all the posts yet but did get to Marsha's from mid-August so I want to say I hope your brother and neighbor are doing better.  I'm sorry you've had such a terrible time over the past few months.  It's hard when there's so much to worry about and no one to worry with.  I hope you know you have us :)

Comment by deborah peck on September 15, 2019 at 9:51am

Chuck, well said on knowing how our friends and family feel and the pain they are going thru at the continues cycly of life we all go thru. After Greg passed away many of my friends no longer contacted me nor me them as I was hurt they were not there for me. This pass week one of these friends sister passed away, this is the only time she has had a loved one pass away, I have been reaching ut to her to let her know I am here to meet up for coffee or just to sit, she sent me a text saying how sorry she was that she wasn't there for me, she didn't realize the pain of losing a loved one, I replied with no problem. I understand you couldn't possibly know the pain as you had never felt it, she also said she didn't know what to say which I replied, sometimes there is nothing to say, just sitting quietly together is enough so for her to let me know when things slowed down and we could just sit together. She was always what I had categorized as a good time friend, someone you could have fun with but not someone you could talk to about life, so sad she is now experiencing life in a different form

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on September 14, 2019 at 10:49am

Hello everyone,

Marsha, I have been meaning to comment since you wrote over a week ago - as always seems to happen I am now very late  in saying that although I am so glad to hear that you are alright (I'm a worrier), I am also am sorry for all the things you have been dealing with. Please always know that you are never far from my thoughts. As usual I find myself cursing the vast distances that keep us all separated, but that's what this"family" site is all about - being together when we can't be together.

Mary Jane, I agree with Marsha that Bob is letting you know that being close to you now isn't a matter of locality anymore - where you are, so will he be. Just as Larry and Mark have let Steve and I know in 100 small ways that they both continue their loving watch over us.

This past week my uncle passed at age 101. I was unable to travel for his funeral, as was his youngest daughter because her husband was gravely ill. I just learned that he now has also passed after 37 years of marriage. Today, one week after Uncle John's funeral, cousin Mary and her family are having Tuan's funeral. Again I will be absent in body, but not in spirit. I know how this emptiness and loneliness with which we are all familiar will hit her. She is a sweet quiet woman who will I fear internalize much of her pain. I will write her over the next few days after the shock has begun to wear off a bit and attempt to offer whatever support or comfort I can from a distance.

I guess what I am really saying is that another part of my path now includes witnessing others I love confronting their loss as I had to face losing Larry and I am feeling helpless and powerless to prevent the pain and fear I know too well is approaching. Being physically distant probably is exacerbating these feelings - but still I see myself as if watching from through some veil as people I love experience sadness with no way to reach them.

I hope everyone is well and has a peaceful weekend -  I send hugs to you all my dear family -

Love, Chuck 

Comment by Marsha H on September 14, 2019 at 3:20am

Diane C ...  If you are still having problems getting onto Legacy go to 'Start' on your computer  and go up the list to 'disc clean-up' and just follow what it says.  It gets rid of cookies you don't need and also files you don't need (don't worry, you won't lose anything important.)  I clean out my cookies every couple of weeks.  Hope this helps. 

Comment by Marsha H on September 14, 2019 at 3:15am

Mary Jane ...  I am so glad you had those experiences and I don't know if you remember before you moved that I told you that Bob would follow you no matter where you lived and apparently he's there!  I hope you win the lottery so keep us posted.  I do believe in your experiences especially the fortunate.  Hope you are getting use to your new digs.


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