Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

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Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by Trina Mamoon on May 5, 2019 at 8:45pm

Dear Marsha,

I just read your heart rending post. I am so very sorry for the loss of your dear Tootsie. Your post expresses well the place she had in your life and in your heart.

Sending you much love at this time of hardship and heartbreak.

Hugs, Trina

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 5, 2019 at 4:59pm

Marsha don,t worry about answering. Sometimes responding to something seems like such an I,possible task, and sometimes I cannot shut up.LOL.

These few weeks have been especially hard, as I am getting ready to list my house, and move back to CA..and I have been in SUCH a place of TERROR, yesterday when I got up from a 40 min nap..I couldn,t walk..I was hunched over.thru out my back....etc..most likely from major stress, but I know I will be ok.Rudy just woke up, so we r going to put his new playpen together.. couldn,t do it last night..thankfully I think it is just a muscle that popped out.....see, I am either not here, or ramble on and on. I wish I could just go to bed one night, and when I woke up, everything would be done, and I would b all settled in my new home. Bye for now my friend.

Comment by Deb on May 5, 2019 at 4:51pm

Dear Marsha, Thank you for your kind words, as well. I forgot to mention that after Dean's passing, I lost both my 14 year old dogs that I raised from about 8 weeks old, one by one. They were brother and sister — the male was Moon and the female was Ginger. They lived with me on the island where I live in the winter but now am spending more time in the states at my condo where pets aren't allowed. The association used to allow pets but that changed some years ago. Have been thinking to move but finding that to be a bit daunting, at the present time. 

Sorry for Booker that he is grieving for the loss of Tootsie, as well. My Ginger grieved when we lost Moon since they'd been bonded from birth. Saw that you mentioned that you're thinking of adopting another dog, (when you're ready), for Booker to have as his partner and think that's a great idea. I hope he is a comfort to you as you're going through the painful loss of your dear Tootsie.

Love, Deb




Comment by Marsha H on May 5, 2019 at 4:14pm

Dear Mary.Jane ...  What a wonderful and loving post you left me and your stories of Buddy and Rudy brought tears to my eyes.  I am sure your Rudy is just fine.  

The story of Buddy be close to you is so true.  Ernie and I had a dog named 'Lady' and we found this loving little dog at the pound.  She brought so much life into our lives because we weren't able to have children.  When she passed (almost 20 years old) I woke up quickly because I did feel weight on my legs and I knew it was her.  I always remember that DOG spelled backwards is GOD.  Our pets be it cat or dog gives so much without question and when the human race becomes to much for us they are there to comfort us and make sense out of this crazy world.  

It is difficult right now without her and I miss seeing her white little furry face and so does my other dog Booker.  I am going to get another dog in the future and one that is classified as a Senior.  Most people don't want these dogs out of the shelter.  Booker and I will know which dog is the one that will bond to us and should be with us.  For now I'm just keeping busy and still keep in some routine for Booker's sake and since it's such a beautiful day out we'll garden and later after dinner I'll take him to Allowette Dyke which is beautiful and so peaceful, but I already know we'll miss our Tootsie and hope she's walk beside us.

Thank you for your kindness my dear friend and I appreciate it.  Will answer your emails tonight,  I've been around like a zombie to some degree, but I'll survive.  

Much love


Comment by Marsha H on May 5, 2019 at 4:02pm

Dear Deborah P.   Thank you so much for your kind post regarding Tootsie.  Any of us who have pets know the pain when they leave us and we do grieve.  I am so sorry about your little Yorkie.  Did you ever get another little dog?  I am thinking in time of adopting a 3 - 4 year old little dog as Booker is use to having Tootsie around and I know he grieves for her as well.  For now trying to keep busy and stay in the same routine and much as possible.  Today is a beautiful day so will take Booker outside and do a little gardening and then take him up to the Allowette Dyke which the dogs love.  I still feel as I look down walking that white little fuzzy face of Tootsies staring up at me.  It just takes time.  Right now I just feel numb from the loss of my good friend and also Tootsie.

Thank you my dear friend for being there and I will email you soon.



Comment by Marsha H on May 5, 2019 at 3:57pm

My dear brother Steve ...  How I remember your Bella and I remember crying when you told us she had finally passed away and once again with your words and memories of Bella tears came to my eyes.  I have no doubt Mark was there and calling for Bella.  I believe our pets stay with us until they feel they can pass on and we'll be OK.  Hard on us, but the best gift we could our old pets is to say goodbye and confirm we will be OK.  Hurts the heart you bet.  I do like to believe that Bella is with Mark and my Tootsie with Ernie; young, healthy and running through meadows of flowers.

Thank you for your lovely post and being so candid about your own feelings that you've had to endure.  In time going to adopt a 4 - 5 year old small female dog for my Booker as he does miss Tootsie as well.  Save a life! 

Thank you brother dear and I so appreciate your post and hope you and Chuck are happy and enjoying yourselves.

Love & Hugs

Your big sis Marsha  

Comment by Marsha H on May 5, 2019 at 3:48pm

Dear Deb ...

Thank you for your kind words regarding Tootsie.  She leaves such a hole in the house.  It seems these 8 years since Ernie has been gone what I have left as family is being chipped away little by little.  I am so sorry you have had two wonderful spouses pass away and I can't even imagine the pain you've gone through.  I also have come across something of Ernie's or a card for a special occasion and still can cry and remember the good times we use to have.  I'm also sorry you can't have a pet to comfort you.  I was going to sell my little rancher, but hanging on by my finger nails because I don't want to live in a place with Strata where they can tell you the do's and don'ts.  Fortunately, things are turning around because in lower mainland British Columbia it's mainly dog country so many landlords are having to OK pets.  There is no reason a person can't have a pet and pay a damage deposit or have a contract drawn up.  I feel for you and it must get lonely at times.  Our shelters here are crying for volunteers and can't afford to be fussy about how much time a volunteer can give and wish it was the same for you.



Comment by Marsha H on May 5, 2019 at 3:40pm

Dear Chuck ...  As always you are dear friend right there for me and thank you so much for that wonderful written piece that made so much sense.  I was surprised because I have been thinking about similar thoughts.  I do love nature and thus the nature walks with my dogs.  Now there is just Booker and I and we keep on going.  He too is grieving for the loss of his sister Tootsie which has us comforting each other.  I love pets because they are loyal, lick away tears, just listen and cuddle when we need it.  I feel Tootsie hung on until she thought I didn't need her any longer.  

As always my dear brother your eloquent way of writing gives me peace and I feel the love no matter the distance.

Love & Hugs


Comment by Marsha H on May 5, 2019 at 6:22am

Dear Steve ...   Thank you for your kind words and how true whether human or animal they are family.  I have owned dogs all my life and each one is special.  I believe pets come into our lives for a reason and a season.  

I am so sorry that you lost one of your dogs shortly after losing Kris.  I know that hurt having lost Ernie and 5 months later our comical cat Molly.  It seems more than we can bare.  Thank you so much for sharing this with me.  I am praying Tootsie has gone home to see her daddy and he's there with open arms.  That's all we have to keep us going.

Comment by Steve Cain on May 5, 2019 at 4:31am

Dear Marsha,

My heart hurts for you today. Our family is our family, no matter human or animal. I have never shared this on here but within a month or so of losing Kris I lost the oldest of our three dogs, and the only male of the group.

I will share it at another time, this is about your loss, the grief is just the same, I pray that you will be comforted knowing she is back with her Daddy and will not be alone or suffering.


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