Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Terry Kent Mar 7, 2022. 6 Replies


Started by Julie. Last reply by DJ Dec 6, 2020. 1 Reply

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31, 2020. 13 Replies

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Comment by Mary. Jane on February 14, 2020 at 9:20pm

I hope this day was an easy one for all of you. Sometimes, when days are difficult, a phrase pops into my head: “AND THIS TOO, SHALL PASS” ..and it does..eventually. Last night was wonderful..having you all posting was like a reunion of sorts, and I thank you all from deep in my heart. It was old friends meeting again. I hope it will stay that way, and we can keep a level of communication here. 

I have been having a VERY hard time since I moved here 7 months ago..with an almost HATRED of everything in this new life, except being near my daughter..The house, location, the HUGE changes in 15 years since I moved..but I digress..and  I will post more tomorrow, as I would like your thoughts on something I fear is causing these emotions..for now, Have a wonderful evening, my friends. 

Comment by Todd B. Goodrich on February 14, 2020 at 11:02am

Thank you all and prayers right back to ya!

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on February 14, 2020 at 10:55am

Dear Marsha,

I can't help but get a visual of you walking your doggies with your sunglasses looking every bit the image of Greta Garbo muttering is a low voice "I vant to be alone..."

Sorry, with me somehow everything ends up back in the old glamor days Hollywood. You have always been here when I need a smile or a push (or kick in the rear) to get me back on track - my trolley jumps that track more often than I care to admit.

Tuesday Steve and I rose early, dressed and rushed out the door to an early appointment with his doctor - he had been dreading this appointment all weekend, and I tried to distract him with my usual silliness and assurances that all would be well.

When we reached the check in desk the appointment was not scheduled - however there was one for next Tuesday. We were embarrassed and Steve said he must have written it on the calendar on the kitchen wall incorrectly. Once home my deepest fears were realized - there was the appointment on the wrong date - in MY handwriting. God bless him, he just laughed and said "That's OK - it could happen to anyone." Of course, the frequency with which it happens to me was left unmentioned.

I am sending you a giant bear hug, and remember to keep that Hollywood swagger in your step today - to me and everyone else here you are not only an angel - you are a Queen!



Comment by Charles E. Nelson on February 14, 2020 at 10:41am

Dear Trina,

How many times you have said something that went straight to my heart - I've lost track - and hearing from you again just reminds me of how you and all the treasured family here have lifted me and carried me through some of the darkest times of my life. Travelling between here and Bangladesh can't be easy, and sadly I suspect at times downright unpleasant. This is one of the magical things that I found on Legacy - making friends with people of such varied backgrounds who can all be one family of compassion and unconditional love. I've said before that this special place is to me a model of how the world should be - facing unbearable losses and troubles by reaching out to each other and joining hands to share our burdens and thus lighten them for us all.

I send you all my love and a long tight hug from a distant friend who will always treasure you - 


Comment by Charles E. Nelson on February 14, 2020 at 10:06am

Well, Mary Jane deserves a gigantic hug for getting us all together again - seeing posts from people I have been thinking of makes me feel again like my family here is in ways more "real" than my relatives, and you certainly all understand me much better.

DJ, the "1-4-3" became a code that Larry and I used for saying "I Love You" when we were around other people or in public where we didn't want to deal with bad reactions to our love for each other. I don't really think there was any doubt in anyone's minds that we were a couple because of the way we interacted, but sometimes the feeling around us was that they were OK so long as we weren't too open about it. It was kind of a weird tightrope we walked sometimes, especially at big events like weddings. Once I asked him to dance and he just stared at me like I was crazy!

Which brings me to Todd - I am sending you special vibes of strength and calm for this most difficult couple of days. Claudia will be right with you as you go through this I am sure, and we all here hold you in our hearts as well. 

I will later today share something my cousin wrote about losing her husband last Sept - she has given me permission to post it, and although she doesn't seem to want to join anyplace, her journey is so familiar to us all that I am trying to do for her what we all do for each other here every day - give understanding, support, and most of all love. 

Until later wishing us all peace today - 



Comment by deborah peck on February 14, 2020 at 9:39am

Hello everyone, seems like everyone has a hard time with this day, Todd Im so sorry this is a double whammy for you. My sister and I were going to do lunch and a movie today, just to have something to do andI was really looking forward to it but she cancelled so now Im feeling the loneliness of this day, Greg and I always celebrated the day with usually dinner out and chocolates and flowers so I have this overwhelming feeling of sadness but this day too shall pass. I hope everyone gets some joy today if only in our memories, As for me Ive been doing diamond art so will eat chocolate and do my crafts, love to all of you and prayers, Todd, will be saying a special prayer for you

Comment by Marsha H on February 14, 2020 at 3:52am

Trina ...  It's wonderful to see you post again and I honestly do think of you often.  I always hope that you are at peace and have some joy in your life.  If one really thinks of it we don't need Valentine's Day anyway because each day married to our spouse was better than Valentine's.  All of us were so very lucky to have met our soul mates and we loved each other dearly which is a blessing because so many people never find that sort of love. 

I wish you pure peace and joy my dear friend.  I'm happy also that you come to Legacy instead of FB.  We are free to post from our hearts to the people on here we love, respect and know how we feel. 



Comment by Marsha H on February 14, 2020 at 3:45am

Mary.Jane ...  What a beautiful post you left and I concur.  I feel we carry the torch for our spouses and bring forth things that they were wise enough to share with us and pass it on.  I also believe we were left here for some task.  Even posting on here or a kind word to someone we meet when they need it the most leaves an imprint on each person and if I can bring a smile to just one of those people then it makes me happy.

Love ya


Comment by Marsha H on February 14, 2020 at 3:41am

Dear Todd ...  It's wonderful to see you post again.  I know exactly how you feel and I'll be painting white woodwork during Valentine's and also taking the dogs for a walk to try and keep my mind off it.  I hope I don't bump into couples on my walks or I'll start bawling, but then that's what sunglasses are for.  I know how difficult it is to go to a wedding and try to be happy for the couple, but it reminds us so much of our own weddings and all those memories.  Just a suggestion, but you could just go to the church for the wedding if that's what they're having and skip the reception or the other way around.  If you feel you need to do both then try your best to talk to others there and believe it or not it sometimes helps.  My rule of thumb is, no one can make me do anything I don't feel comfortable with and also, if I do go there is always that 'exit' and home again.  My thoughts are with you my dear friend.

Love ya more


Comment by DJ on February 14, 2020 at 1:48am

Chuck, I've asked this before but cannot find/remember your response: what is the meaning of "1-4-3"?


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