Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


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New Member

Started by Susan. Last reply by Marsha H Sep 2. 5 Replies

Lost my husband

Started by Mary Clough. Last reply by Marsha H Sep 2. 99 Replies

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Comment by Mary. Jane on April 27, 2018 at 11:46pm

Deb,,I am pretty sure that thinking we are crazy, makes us very normal. I don’t think people with REAL mental challenges would refer to them self’s in that manner :) 

Marsha, you are our always have such clarity and compassion. You are so unselfish, always comforting, even when you are in think of us first. SARA you are so kind and considerate.and never forget important dates....Chuck and are my brothers..your bravery to find each other and take such important steps with newfound love and also step in with comfort for others. Is unsurpassed..

Christine, you have come a very long way since you first came here..bravely continuing on when all you wanted to do was die is commendable..and t all the others who haven’t posted in awhile...together this is the most special group of people ever...tragedy first brought us all here, but the compassion and caring of what was initially a place that was foreign to all of us is what makes us keep coming back.

Patti...this is the wonderful place you have come to. It is a place none of us wanted to be , but this is where life has taken us. Together we hold each other up...with support, kindness and all things good. Patti, welcome. I wish I could tell you it gets better...but I can,t. I CAN tell you the good thing is you aren’t alone in your grief anymore..we r here for your journey. Some days will be better, some days you will want to lie in bed and wait to die...but you won,t. We are the ones who are left to carry on, and share our memories, our pain, our somehow forge new lives for ourself..and we do that with the caring we receive from everyone here. We understand , when those close to us personally can’t or seem to think there is a time limit to grief. There isn,t. But we have peace in knowing we are not welcome to our safe place. 

Comment by Christine Blaire on April 27, 2018 at 5:00pm

Dear Patti, so sorry for your loss dear. We all know how you feel. May 1 will be six months for me. Three weeks later I was diagnosed with breast cancer. My love never knew. Had the tumor removed but not doing chemo or radiation. Long story why I had it removed but was given three years. It's highly aggressive but that's ok. I can't envision 10,15,20 years without him. Every breath I took was for him. I'm not afraid to die,I'm looking forward to it. People on here are very understanding and caring and do not judge. This is by far the hardest thing ever. Bless you dear,we are all sending you love.

Comment by Marsha H on April 27, 2018 at 3:42am

Patricia H ...  My condolences for the loss of your wonderful husband and I know it's a lot more difficult because of your brother's passing in a terrible way.  I wish you didn't have to be on this forum, but, you have come to a very good, warm and family orientated site.  You can express yourself anyway you like re your fears, questions about grieving or what you are going through at the time and no one ever judges another for it.  This forum literally saved my life when my dear husband Ernie passed away from pancreatic cancer April 27th 2011.  I swear that when he went he took part of my heart and soul along with him.  There is hope though for all of us and we manage to carve out a life and also find out just how strong we really are.

You are in raw grief and this can include:  not sleeping well or sleeping for long periods of time; eating all the time or not eating much at all; not answer the phone or the door and sometimes keeping the blinds closed just wanting to be left alone.  Nausea, aches/pains, tummy aches and depression.  Not all who have lost a spouse experiences all of the symptoms above.

May I suggest that perhaps (if you have children) your son or daughter could stay with you for a month or so until you get your bearings.  Grief counseling suggests you don't drive when you are in the raw stages of grief.  If it isn't possible to have adult children around perhaps another female adult you care about or even a friend that can stay with you.  Also grief counseling does help and you have the choice at Hospices where they do have grief counseling either one on one or in a group.  Also churches offer grief counseling.  I chose Hospice first, then switched to a church and it was somewhat helpful that now I realized I wasn't alone.  

Other tips that may help you is wearing your husband's bathrobe, sleeping on the couch with the TV low as I found it made me sleep better.  To this day I either have the radio or TV on just so I don't have to listen to the loud sound of silence.  You should get a complete physical from your family doctor as well.  Hon, my heart goes out to you and I hope this post helps you realize you are NOT ALONE!  We are here!  I'm in Canada so I am up at a different time than my American friends on here and we all try to answer posts ASAP.  

Big hugs (because you need them)


Comment by Marsha H on April 27, 2018 at 3:29am

Dear Sara ...  Thank you so much for caring and I know you are going through your own grief.  It's wonderful to talk to other members who know exactly what you are talking about.  

I may just do that Sara and send you a private message.  I am not keeping secrets from other members, but sometimes I feel what I'm going through my depress others and generally my problems are not quite the same as most of the members because of my age.  Thank you for your kind offer when you are going through your own grief and problems.

Comment by Marsha H on April 27, 2018 at 3:26am

Deborah P ...  Thank you so much for caring and I realize all of you know just how it feels.  I'm digging in and keeping busy and trying not to think.  My sister-in-law will be over for dinner so it will keep my mind off the anniversary.  If anyone every says we will eventually forget our spouses it's not true.  After 7 years I'm just able to cope with them a bit better.

Prayers back to you Deborah and thank you again as I know you are going through your own grief.

Comment by deborah peck on April 26, 2018 at 11:43pm

Marsha will be sending prayers your way for tomorrow

Comment by Patricia Huett on April 26, 2018 at 10:11pm
I'm not real sure how to post on here or if I'm in the right place. I lost the love of my life almost 3 weeks ago. I held him as he took his last breath and I can not seem to be able to function. I'm going through this process without much guidance. I'm so lost. I'm not sure if I am suppose go stand, sit, be doing something. We both worked for Greyhound Bus in FL. We met and was married 3 monthslater, I think we knew immediately we where meant for each other. We moved to TN and built a beautiful life together. Here it is 34 years later and this house is full of memories, which is comforting and haunting at the same time. I don't know which way to gurn. I loved this man with every fiber in my body. I'm so lost. Patty
Comment by Sara Murphy on April 26, 2018 at 9:44pm

Marsha.....Thinking of you on this 7th anniversary of Ernie's passing.   It's funny how time goes by so fast and crawls at the same time.  I hope you have a nice chat with Ernie and that somehow he lets you know he's there.

I'm sorry you're being inundated with bad news.  If you need to talk or vent about any of it, we're here to listen or feel free to send me a private message.

Comment by Sara Murphy on April 26, 2018 at 9:33pm

Deb.....Please don't be concerned about posting.  What you call craziness I guarantee we all feel and understand so please use us as a source of comfort and strength.  I wouldn't have made it this far if not for my Legacy family.  The folks I've connected with on this site are the only ones who truly understand all aspects of this loss. 

Comment by Marsha H on April 26, 2018 at 3:35pm

Dear Sara ...  I am so very sorry about your father and I hope things improve and also your sister.  No one wants to be at a hospital or worry over a loved one, but it does show us how much stronger we have become.  I had to have a surgery shortly after Ernie's passing and at the same hospital in some of the same areas and I admit it was difficult for me.  At my age in my 70's I am inundated with much bad news regarding friends and what I do when I feel over-whelmed is go for a peaceful walk and walk all the negativity away.  It does work.  I'm praying for you Sara and so proud of you for going through this.


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