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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Nov 22, 2017. 2 Replies

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Started by denise. Last reply by Marsha H Oct 25, 2017. 4 Replies

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Comment by deborah peck on October 4, 2017 at 11:15pm

Comment by Mary. Jane on October 4, 2017 at 12:03pm
Thank u so much..yes I will be in touch with y,all while I am there
Got my NAILS done yesterday..it's been years..got ,me a nice mauve in almond shape! That actually made me feel better...who knew?
Comment by deborah peck on October 3, 2017 at 10:31am

Mary Jane you are going to do great and have so much fun, please let us know how your trip is going and you can always reach out to us if you get too stressed  Debbie P

Comment by Mary. Jane on October 3, 2017 at 9:14am
It would b nice if we could meet up...our schedule is pretty tight, but we have lots of "rest time" in between so I don,t get Epsrien Barr from overdoing it..but the last few days, we will be in Virginia Beach, visiting the Edgar Cayce Research center..and we fly out of Norfolk Virginia when we leave.
I HAD to laugh at the "smoking rooms" I don't think they have those anymore. When I moved to Tulsa 13 years ago, there was one in that airport. OMG! If you ever want to quit smoking, spend 5 minutes in that rooms. IT WAS DISGUSTING..with brown crusted walls, it stunk, tobacco mung was dripping down the walls from all the smoke.Almost enough to make people never wanna smoke again..but they closed it a few years later. (Of course, it was the first place I stopped when I got off the plane. I flew all alone, with my cat, while BOb and a friend drove from California. BObs entire family was waiting at the gate, and I had to pee, but I ignored everything else, and went into that awful room and had a cigarette. I had left everything I had ever known in California, all MY family, friends and childhood to move to Tulsa when I was 58 years old. I finished the cigarette, peed, and went to meet Bobs family, and when I saw them, I burst into tears.
The only other place to smoke that I know of is in a smoking lounge/bar at the Denver airport.. you HAVE to purchase a beverage, then you can smoke at the bar. They make a fortune. Lol.
But, I don,t fly very much, so hopefully you're correct.
Ok time to get dressed to get my nails done. TTUL
Comment by Deb S on October 3, 2017 at 2:17am

Mary Jane, Good for you for recognizing that you don't want to keep around these racing thoughts of possible misfortune. You'll conquer it. I'm sure of it.

Please don't be too concerned about not being able to have a cigarette once you are beyond security at the airport. Most airports have smoking lounges. You can also arrange for airline personnel to shuttle you to your next gate via a motorized cart. I don't know how this is arranged but have seen them whisking folks around in airports and wishing I was a passenger.

I'll look forward to your update about dates and locations in NC. Perhaps the stars will align and our visits will coincide.  Debbie

Comment by Mary. Jane on October 2, 2017 at 10:59pm
BTW! This thinking posrtive thing is HARD!! I think I will be better once I get my kitty to "Kamp Kitty" for his boarding. He always has a good time..I am just terrified something will go wrong..but that is the attitude I need to get rid of.
To give you an example of how my brain works: I am getting my nails done tomorrow...it's been a few years since I have had them done, got to b too much teouble..so THIS is how my mind works: "whatmid, when I get them done, and I get an infection, and end up in a hospital in North Carolina? WHO THINKS LIKE THIS??? I go from 0 to 5000 in seconds with imagining the worst case senecio over something simple. That is a general way I think because of my fears.
So, I have ALOT of work to do. I DIDN,t used to be like this... I am really going to work on this.
Has anyone hear heard of, or read a book called The Untethered Soul?
My SIL swears I should read it. If anyone here has, let me know. I have 2 hours to kill at an airport, and once I pass through security, I can,t go back out and have a cigarette! Lol. Maybe I should stop at the bar and have a drink lol. But I have ordered a wheelchair, which I don,t really need in Tulsa, but WILL need in Atlanta...the terminals are far from each other, and I don,t think I can walk that far, and catch my connecting flight...hence the wheel chair. I feel like an idiot when they roll me around in it, but I guess it is better than falling. Ok, it is time for beddy bye. Goodnight all.
Comment by Mary. Jane on October 2, 2017 at 10:41pm
When i get there, I will let u know...as I am not sure of the exact dates we will be on each island. Maybe we can meet for coffee or something if the dates coinside. My daughter made all the arrangements...but I think we get there about a week from today.
Comment by Deb S on October 2, 2017 at 5:20pm

Mary Jane, I love your post!  You go friend!! When do you leave for the Outer Banks and how long will you visit? My settlement date is still up in the air but our visits might well coincide. Meanwhile, I am so proud of you!  Debbie

Comment by deborah peck on October 2, 2017 at 12:52pm

Mary Jane Its so great that you are giving yourself encouragement to go on and live your life to the fullest, I know you are at a good place if you can do that.I understand going on vacation and the fear, I never felt that going but coming home is a different matter for me, it usually takes me a week to get with it again, Ive been on a few little weekend trips with family since my husband passed in May and have for the most part enjoyed it but when II would get home the emptiness would hit me double, but I am new to this and still in the hard grieving part so when I shove it aside it comes back double. I am reading a book byAlan Wolfelt "Understanding your Grief" it has a journal you can get too and I would encourage everyone on here to get it, its very helpful in all the areas that everyone has talked about.  have a good day Debbie

Comment by Mary. Jane on October 2, 2017 at 9:40am
LOL I would like to add..I get my new glasses today,so hopefully I won,t have so many typos...the area for replies on my tablet is the size of a postage stamp.
 

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