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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by Chicago Beard on January 12, 2015 at 12:40am

Marsha

I understand your reasoning. However, I know widows from this site who have found love again and even remarried. So whereas it is more difficult for a woman who has been widowed, it is not impossible. I wish nothing but the best for you and send you a big virtual hug.

Comment by Kathy Parker on January 11, 2015 at 9:50pm
Marsha, as usual, your words are "pearls of wisdom." Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts.
Comment by Marsha H on January 11, 2015 at 9:36pm

Chicago Beard ...  Your post was insightful.  Your words are true to a degree, but as a widow who was almost 4 years older than my husband and I always thought I would go first, one thing I do know if I had gone before my spouse he would be devastated and had admitted in the past he didn't ever want to be alone so I know without a doubt although he wouldn't go out looking to replace me he would have, by now for sure have had been matched up with another lady by friends to fill in his loneliness.  Of course he would always still love me, but 'one is a lonely number.'

I have come to learn through speaking to other widows and also my own experiences that although men grieve very deeply for their deceased spouses they also have the freedom to go more places in the evening alone or out to some pub just to be around friends whereas most widows find the evenings lonely and going out by oneself in the evening is not always safe  Most of my girlfriends all have spouses and I have no single girlfriends to go out with for an evening.  For some unclear reason long-time friends who are still couples also seem to ostracize widows without even realizing it.  During the day one can fill in their time with volunteering, but it is the night time and weekends that widows seem to have the worst time of it and I'm one of them.  So, my point is my husband would have been with someone by now while I'm still alone and have nowhere to find a mixed meeting place in hopes of finding a companion which I am open to.  I might also add that widows who choose to stay in mostly moderate homes have to pay through the nose for so many things that can go wrong whereas many men can fix things on their own and there is no reason why any widow should have to be forced out of a small home because of the lack of help.

The bottom line is my husband would be with someone else because we've talked about it previously like many couples talk when we don't realize just how close death can be when it comes to our spouse.  It's mixing apples to oranges.

Just explaining how it is for some widows; little freedom in the evening, left out of couples groups and not knowing where to go to meet knew people of both sexes.

 

Comment by Carol Kayser on January 11, 2015 at 6:12pm
Marsha, I understand what you are speaking of and as we know "charity begins at home". That being said being charitable is now more of a business in churches too. They chase the dollar and want to build up their churches which in so many cases leaves those parishioners who truly need help/emotional support being left behind.

It is not very charitable of church groups to push people away and certainly as you say doesn't fall into the category of helping your fellow man. One had to wonder if organized religion is really starting to fail us.

Glad you liked the article though!
Hugs,
Carol
Comment by Jane P. on January 11, 2015 at 4:35pm

Wilela, I am so sorry to hear of your diagnosis. My friends father was diagnosed with a form of ALS 15 years ago and he was in remission until recently. (he is 88 yrs. old.)  They have come out with some medications that can slow the progression of this disease.  I will pray for you that they made a mistake in the diagnosis or that medication is available for the form you have and works well for you.  Hugs, Jane P

Comment by Chicago Beard on January 11, 2015 at 3:36pm

Wilela

So sorry to hear of your diagnosis. I know of one other person who has that. That person's whole professional identity was around his speaking publicly. I wish you nothing but the best and hope somebody comes up with a treatment for it in the near future.

Comment by Marsha H on January 11, 2015 at 3:32pm

Dear Carol ...  That was a great article and thank you for that.  It puts our grief into perspective.  There is no right/wrong way to grieve.  I read that article at a good time because the grief counseling group I go to (held in a Christian church) is more into Christianity (shoving it down your throat) than dealing with a grieving person.  For myself I am ahead in my grief than the other members, but one of the other so-called counselors (no diploma to back them as a counselor) has phoned at least one person to tell them not to come back to grief counseling because they have suggested there is too much Christianity brought into the sessions rather than treating grief and this person won't be the only one that will be told not to come back and they wonder why there is such a low attendance at churches.  I have no idea what happened to true Christianity.  I am a Christian yet can't find a church in my area that is friendly and helpful to others.  So sad. 

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on January 11, 2015 at 3:23pm

Dear Wilela ...  I am so sorry about your diagnosis, but it's just a guess on your doctor's part and the results are not in yet so I'll pray it isn't so.  Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do worry about you.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Carol Kayser on January 11, 2015 at 1:50pm
Dear Wilela, so very sorry to hear of your diagnosis. Just please know you are being held in my prayers. We all care and hold you in a special place here.

I'm sure the doctor will do everything she can to make sure you receive the best care. It sounds similar to Bell's Palsy which I think is a lesser illness, so I am hoping for you the tests may not come back with the other diagnosis. Fingers crossed for you.
As Kathy is asking I hope you have the love and support of your family.

Love,
Carol
Comment by Barbara Sullivan on January 11, 2015 at 1:24pm

Wilela -- I am so sorry to learn about your diagnosis.  There are just not adequate words to tell you how sorry I am.  You are in my prayers.

Barbara

 

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