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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

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Comment by Chicago Beard on January 10, 2015 at 10:58pm

As I read people's posts I see a lot of comments about wishing to have gone first. I certainly understand those feelings as I had them myself for a while (and considering I was six years older than my Rose statistically I should have. Today something occurred to me> I would not have wanted her to feel the hurt I did after I lost her. None of us would want our loved ones to feel that pain so let us take some comfort in our loved ones being spared the pain we feel.

Comment by Kathy Parker on January 10, 2015 at 10:52pm
My goal has always been to adopt pets that I would outlive. I never wanted them to be homeless ever again.
Comment by Carol Kayser on January 10, 2015 at 10:02pm
LOL as I meant to say "my own cat"! not car. Darn the letters are small on the keyboard even with my glasses on!
Comment by Carol Kayser on January 10, 2015 at 10:00pm
Reading about the fur babies makes me miss all the 4 legged companions I've had in my life. Beautiful animals that I have had to say goodbye to. I miss them dearly and can't have another dog at this time. I live vicariously through a friend who has a beautiful border collie and now a puppy who I can't wait to meet. Nowadays I share my pet life with 2 cats. One is a kitten, little rascal who seems to have adopted me (daughter's cat) and my own car, who is a rescue. I get lots of love from them, but still miss my doggies!

Hugs,
Carol
Comment by Kathy Parker on January 10, 2015 at 9:12pm
Kristen, no words are needed to describe how you feel about your fur babies. No matter how sad I am I always have my dogs'adoring happy faces to greet me. I loved your sharing about your "4 legged children." It's good for me to remember to be grateful.
Comment by Kristen on January 10, 2015 at 8:52pm

Kathy, I don't have children but I have my four legged children, my dogs. Both rescues and I foster for a rescue. My dogs are what keep me going. I don't know what I would do without them. They love me unconditionally and bring joy to my life. They have been my heart glue and I  know they grieved the loss as well. Hard to put into words but they are what make me want to crawl out of bed every day, go to work, and come home to them. They have no judgements, lick my tears when I'm sad and have had a hard day, and bring me that bit of joy that I need.

Comment by Kathy Parker on January 10, 2015 at 8:36pm
Thank you, Trina, for sharing such a personal painful journey through your own painful grief. I do wish that I had been the first to die. But I know I have to take care of our financial obligations to make sure everything will be alright for our son, Who is now 39. He is our only child and I don't want to leave him with a legacy of mess and confusion. I also have a houseful of pets I have rescued, they were unwanteds when I took them in, no one would want them now. My only option would be euthanasia, which is abhorrent to me. I promised these little guys they would be safe with me, that they would have a forever home. But the truth is, grief can be a very selfish emotion, and there are times when these reasons to remain on earth just don't feel enough to outweigh the pain I feel. Thank you so much for letting me tell my tale of woe.
Comment by Trina Mamoon on January 10, 2015 at 8:20pm

Kathy,

Every single day since the passing of my Joseph on August 4, 2014, I pray for my death. The pain is just simply too unbearable and life doesn't have much value for me anymore. But I can't bring myself to take my own life for several reasons. First, I just can't do it--take my own life, 2) it would be a betrayal to my four siblings if I commit suicide; they would be completely crushed and not forgive me for being so selfish, and lastly, if there is an afterlife, which I hope there is, if I commit suicide, I won't be reunited with my darling husband, nor my parents and other family members. That's why I keep on living/existing. But everyday I ask God to take me soon and relieve me from my misery. So I understand where you are coming from. I wish you strength, courage, and forbearance so that you are able to walk through your journey of grief and at some point find peace. I wish the same for myself and all the other bereaved spouses who are facing similar pain and despair. Peace for all of us.

Comment by Kathy Parker on January 10, 2015 at 6:45pm
Thank you, Trina. It's hard to justify life at this level of loss, pain and unbearable grief.
Comment by Trina Mamoon on January 10, 2015 at 6:20pm

Hi Marsha,

Thank you for your words of encouragement and understanding. It's nice to have someone listen to your problems and receive good suggestions on how to cope.

Hope you are well.

Hugs, Trina

 

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