Information

Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1369
Latest Conversations: 10 minutes ago

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 1. 5 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 16. 4 Replies

Comment Wall

Comment

You need to be a member of Bereaved Spouses to add comments!

Comment by Karen W on July 11, 2014 at 6:59am
Elvira, I'll be thinking of you this weekend and praying for you for courage and strength. Remember that Pablo is with you as are all of us here in spirit. .
Comment by Barbara Sullivan on July 11, 2014 at 5:00am

Elvira, thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers,dear.  I know it will be hard, but try to put aside your grief for one day and help your son have a beautiful wedding.  This is a day they will remember all of their lives, so try to help them make it a day of joy and love.  

Phyllis, I know so well what you are feeling and I just wish there were something I could say to help -- let your tears come -- it is okay to cry as much as you need.  I am glad you have your best friend to help you through this awful time.

Sending love, hugs and prayers

Barbara

Comment by Jane P. on July 11, 2014 at 3:07am

Elvira,   you will be in my thoughts and prayers.  Hugs, Jane P.

Comment by phyllis eldridge on July 11, 2014 at 1:25am

Hi all. I haven't posted in a while but I do come almost every day and read the posts on here. It helps a lot to see that I am not alone in this. Seems like I do ok for a little while, then it all comes crashing down. More so over the last few days. I am not sure why. It has been 3 months since my husband has passed and yes people drifted back to their own lives. Except my best friend who has always stood by me. People think I should be ok by now, they never mention him any more. And I feel like they wonder why I keep talking about him. Thank goodness for my best friend, she lives 2500 miles away but we talk every day. Don't know what I would do without her. This last few weeks though I find myself sinking. The crying, oh my, the heart wrenching, can't stop, can't breathe sobbing. Every day. I cannot think straight. I cannot even make a small decision any more. I have taken 2 of the anxiety pills the doctor gave me. They help to put my mind at rest somewhat and they make me sleep. But nothing I could take in the day time. I just wish I could go to sleep and wake up when this nightmare is over.

Comment by phyllis eldridge on July 11, 2014 at 1:25am

Hi all. I haven't posted in a while but I do come almost every day and read the posts on here. It helps a lot to see that I am not alone in this. Seems like I do ok for a little while, then it all comes crashing down. More so over the last few days. I am not sure why. It has been 3 months since my husband has passed and yes people drifted back to their own lives. Except my best friend who has always stood by me. People think I should be ok by now, they never mention him any more. And I feel like they wonder why I keep talking about him. Thank goodness for my best friend, she lives 2500 miles away but we talk every day. Don't know what I would do without her. This last few weeks though I find myself sinking. The crying, oh my, the heart wrenching, can't stop, can't breathe sobbing. Every day. I cannot think straight. I cannot even make a small decision any more. I have taken 2 of the anxiety pills the doctor gave me. They help to put my mind at rest somewhat and they make me sleep. But nothing I could take in the day time. I just wish I could go to sleep and wake up when this nightmare is over.

Comment by janeo on July 10, 2014 at 11:20pm
Elvira,
You definity have my prayers. It won't be easy he knows whats in your head and heart. He knows it's going to be hard for you. But that's ok to cry also. Anyone one on here would cry as well. It's normal . And yes your husband will be there cause he wouldn't miss your sons big day. Just remember day by day, hour by hour and minute by minute. You'll do great. Embrace this moment.
Comment by Elvira Castellanos on July 10, 2014 at 10:33pm

Very tough days coming up, tomorrow is rehearsal dinner & Saturday is the wedding, all preparations are horrendous without my love by my side, yesterday was 5 months since he passed and there hasn't been a day without tears, everyone, please keep me in your prayers the next few days so I can stay strong for my son, he has been planning this wedding for 2 years & I really don't want to ruin it with too much crying.

Thank you all.

Comment by Frank Andrews on July 10, 2014 at 7:16pm

Very quiet forum and I sincerely hope that it is because everyone is doing better with their grief and not the opposite.   Still hanging in there and taking it day by day again.  Hugs to all.

Comment by Marsha H on July 7, 2014 at 3:16pm

DesertDove ...  There is so much that I went through in the hospital where my husband was that I couldn't get it all on this page so will leave my email on your private board and give you more info, but here is just a few of the things I learned to watch out for. (Remember, I live outside of Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada.)

  • Get a second opinion when it comes to surgery.
  • When you consult with the surgeon you have chosen and have the long talk with them as to what is going to be done ask permission to tape the conversation so you don't forget anything and always have either a family member or a friend go with the person having the surgery.  I did tape our surgeon and he's in deep do-do.  My family doctor was in awe I was able to get that with the permission of the surgeon.
  • Once the surgeon for the patient has them in the hospital they have power over the patient more so than the spouse, but the spouse can force this issue by having their spouse (patient) sign themselves out.  I was not aware of this and I was making plans for nursing care when my husband and I were led to believe he would be coming home.
  • Each hospital has a special group of people who are there to help you through the red tape, explain things, are encouraging to both the patient and their spouses and family members and we were never told about that.
  • When medications such as Morphine are given it can cause major stomach upset and my husband complained of this and I couldn't believe the doctors or nurses didn't think to give him Gravol (for nausea) before the shot of Morphine and I had to get nasty to get it.
  • The healthy spouse has a right to know what is going on with their spouse and if their specialist or surgeon is not conforming to this then complain!
  • The healthy spouse should write down questions before going to visit their spouse in the hospital and phone ahead to see when the specialist or surgeon will be there talking to the patient.  If the specialist or surgeon refuses to include the healthy spouse then complain to Hospital Administration.
  • If things are going badly and the patient is not treated with dignity in any way remember two words 'lawyer' and 'media.'  Hospital shrink back at those 2 words and don't need media coverage.  I sure used it and it saved a lot of emotional pain.
  • If a patient is terminal it doesn't matter what age they are and here in Canada they have a right to Hospice Care.  If this is not being done then complain to Hospital Administration.  Hospice doesn't always mean the terminal patient is there permanently and depending on the nature of the illness may be able to come home for a few days or a weekend and go back to Hospice.  Hospice is open 24/7 for visitors.

I'm running out of room DesertDove so please check your private post and I'll leave you my email address and give you the complete story if you like.  It is not private to anyone on here and if they want to know more they can let me know.  Hope these tips have helped all.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by DesertDove on July 6, 2014 at 11:25am
Hi Carol. Oh yr welcome. yes a difficult movie to watch, but it is really good. I felt compassion for C s Lewis. here he was getting married for the first time @ 58 yrs old! Only to hv her pass away 5 yrs later. he really got robbed. & I can relate cuz I was married for 5 yrs too & the same thing happened to me. Luckily we were both retired so spent everyday together. my late husband was 2 weeks short of being 65 yrs old... life sure can be unfair huh? So yeah it's called the shadowlands w/Anthony Hopkins It has some beautiful scenery in it. The College in England is pretty. yes let me know how u like it
 

Members (1369)

 
 
 

Latest Conversations

Community Guidelines

Please be respectful of others. For more information, read our Community Guidelines.

Follow Legacy

© 2019   Created by Legacy.com.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service