Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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Latest Conversations: Jul 6

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on January 10, 2015 at 4:26am

Kathy ...  You are not abnormal at all for wanting your dear Joseph to be there to give you a big, secure hug.  It is almost 4 years since my Ernie passed away and he was a big man so when he hugged me I always knew I was safe and felt so secure and I've gotten use to the fact that I'm a pretty fiery woman when someone does me wrong and realize just how much toughness I have in me.  I will always miss those big hugs of his and his smiling face. I still have his work jacket and baseball hat hanging on the hook in the hallway as if by some miracle it's all a joke and he'll be coming home, but I know that's not reality, but it gives me comfort.

It is also normal Kathy that we look back and 'what ifs' or 'did I do things right' or 'could I have done more.'  Take relief in the fact hon, you did it all right and it was just out of your control.  These are all normal feelings when going through grief and most of us had them and can still have them.

Flashbacks are also common when it's a sudden death or even if you are watching your loved one die and as time goes on these will become much less intense. 

You are by no means maudlin and it's important members on here who are in raw grief can express their doubts and fears with those of us who have gone through the gamut of raw grief.  You will be just fine hon!



Comment by Kathy Parker on January 10, 2015 at 3:09am
Here I am awake in the middle of the night, wishing for someone who cares about me to put their arms around me and tell me it's going to be alright. I miss that so much. No matter how bad things were for me, my husband would make me feel safe in the world. He's been gone 7 weeks now, am I so abnormal? I'M still having flashbacks to finding him dead on the floor. I'm second guessing everything we were trying to do for him. My life was his life for 41 years. Please forgive me for being so maudlin, I'm looking for a step up from this devastating grief and loneliness.
Comment by Trina Mamoon on January 9, 2015 at 11:53pm

It's nice to know that friends on this site are thinking of us and wishing us all well. This forum/site really helps to keep me going; the support and understanding of you all is very important to keep us afloat.

I just arrived back home after being away with my family, and the shock of coming back to the empty house has too much. Everything here reminds me of my darling Joseph, but he is not here to greet me with his big smile and his tight hug. How I miss him!

So thank you to all for you for being here for all of us and for sending us messages of cheer and encouragement. I, too, am sending good thoughts your way.

Comment by Marsha H on January 9, 2015 at 9:22pm

Janeo ...  You are always so sweet thinking of us and I for one thing of you and everyone else too.



Comment by georgia on January 8, 2015 at 9:02pm
I would like to wish everyone a peaceful year, patience with themselves , so we can all discover our new selfs.
Barbara I am sorry about your sister, I hope she does make it.
Renae I am so sorry for all the emotional and structure problems you are having , I hope your pipes get fixed soon .
I had lots of thinks braking down after my Louie passed away.
I got so frustrated , so I understand you.
I hope thinks quiet down for you.
With understanding ,
Comment by janeo on January 8, 2015 at 7:35pm

I just wanted to say I'm thinking of all of you.

Comment by Marsha H on January 7, 2015 at 2:12pm

Barbara ...  So well put!  Sometimes I often wonder why God puts so many pressures on us and it seems never-ending.  I went through a phase where I thought the Grim Reaper was parked at my doorstep.  Every so often we see a small light of happiness and I know in time that light will get brighter and closer for all of us.



Comment by Marsha H on January 7, 2015 at 2:10pm

Renae ...  Well!  Cheeky or what?  LOL  Too bad your daughter wasn't with you when you saw the doctor and he could have blasted her out of her shoes.  For most of us we grieve the loss of parents, other family members and sometimes friends, but how could one ever know the searing pain of losing a spouse.  I was 4 years older than my husband so I always thought I would go first and still wish I had.  Barbara explained grief and it's emotions so well and most of us go through all those emotions until we come to some type of peace in our lives. 

You still have total control of your life and even though you are grieving  kick some butt when it comes to your adult children and anyone else that feels you are being dramatic.  You rule! 

Know that we are here for you and we like to think on this forum that we are extended family and of course you are part of us so lean on us when you need too and we'll be sure to straighten out what is dramatic and what isn't.



Comment by Carol Kayser on January 7, 2015 at 11:46am
Dear Renae, wow that is one SMART doctor as Barb says. Lucky you!!! He should call all your kids into the office and tell them to smarten up!!! It's beyond ridiculous where they get their ideas from! So glad you had that talk though, it reinforces for us that we are all pretty normal in coping with our losses.

Comment by Carol Kayser on January 7, 2015 at 11:41am
Barbara, so glad you wrote those words, because guess what and you already know, same thing for me! "We just want you to be happy"! Exactly. How many times have I said to them that I will not be "happy", countless!! I try to explain I will have periods of happiness and those I look forward to and enjoy but for the rest of the time let me live my life and stop trying to fix me!
This is my 5th year without my love and honestly it feels like yesterday. So many days it's just a walk through.
If it weren't for my precious little Abby there wouldn't be much point. She is the light of my life and when I talk about happiness it's her!

Take care Barb!

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