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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1374
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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on November 17, 2014 at 2:15pm

Barbara ...  I agree with Carol and second that statement.  You are wise and come up with such great advice and beautiful quotes.

Hugs

Marsha H.

Comment by Carol Kayser on November 17, 2014 at 11:56am

Barbara, you always share beautiful words and we do appreciate your being here, as always!

Hugs,

Carol

Comment by Barbara Sullivan on November 16, 2014 at 11:07pm

There is so much wisdom, kindness and sharing on this forum -- I always wish I could contribute more -- you have all been so much a part of my journey, if you only knew.

Thank you -- from my heart

Barbara

Comment by georgia on November 16, 2014 at 10:49pm
Dear Pam, I have been having anxiety attacks, I feel like I am having a heart attack, my thought are always of my husband .
I am so sorry you are not doing as well as we all want you to.
I pray a lot daily that seems to help me.
Have patience with yourself.
I wish you will do better soon.
Hugs and God be with us all.
Comment by janeo on November 16, 2014 at 5:36pm
Frank I'm sorry about the pain in your heart. I'm glad your posting again. I have no words but I want you to know I'm thinking of you and sending prayers.
Comment by Kristen on November 16, 2014 at 3:07pm

Hi everyone. And to everyone new, I am sorry you find yourself here but this is a wonderful group. I haven't posted in awhile. This site is blocked at work so it makes it difficult for me to find time to post here. I'm coming up on 9 months since Rob passed away. I've dove into work to keep me occupied and it's been a very busy time with lots of projects going on. One thing that I did for myself, which also meant alot to Rob was continuing on with the agility competition of my dog Abbie. I am proud to say that on Oct 18, she earned her Championship! It was very bittersweet and I had a lot of "dog" friends there with me cheering us on and even crying when she took that last jump in the class that earned her Championship. I am not looking forward the holidays and feel as if I would rather stay home alone on those days. I'm wondering what some of you have done when faced with the first Thanksgiving and Christmas holiday? It all just seems so meaningless. I'm still trying to find my way and besides work, I spend much of my time alone. I know it's probably not healthy but it's just the way I want it right now. Hugs to you all!

Comment by Marsha H on November 16, 2014 at 3:05pm

Dear Frank ...

All of us on here feel your pain and although months or years go by we will never be the same, but each day we get through is a step towards that light at the end of the tunnel.  'Soul Weary' just means the person who is ill has had enough when they are always having to fight an illness and their quality of life isn't there as it once was. 

What I did when I had so many problems after Ernie passed was to make a list of the biggest problems in my life and try to rectify them as best I could and the worked down to the lesser problems.  Some of the solutions to some problems are obviously not easy, but for us grievers a necessity.  I looked at all the so-called friends I had and chose the ones that were there for me and the rest I just didn't bother with.  I try to make new friends which isn't always easy, but it's possible.  If I had family issues I surprised myself by talking face-to-face if possible or phoning and being blunt about what was bothering me and although this sounds arrogant I made sure they understood as best they could how lonely it's been for me since Ernie passed and to my surprise things improved.  I 'cut to the chase' since Ernie is not here because I'm putting 'me' first for the first time in  my life.  I was also surprised that a couple of friends knew I would never be quite the same person I was before.  For that I feel blessed.

Your feelings of wanting this journey over with and simply not waking up is very normal and even after 3 1/2 years I have the odd day where I feel the same, but I kick myself in the pants and get moving again (must be the stubborn Scottish/Irish blood in me.  LOL)  Through friends such as yourself and other friends I've made off Legacy you have all picked me up when I'm down and I'm in total awe that all of you still grieving take time out to do that so that means we're still very strong individuals with a zest for life even though we may not feel it at times and that's a good thing.  I like to think our spouses left 'imprints' on us with their wisdom, courage, laughter and good memories they instilled in us to make us the individuals we are today and through that we have become more compassionate and caring individuals towards others.

We are all most fortunate to have this forum to come to and it shows us that we are not alone.  There will be questions about God's ways forever and no answers, but believe it or not a little at a time miracles happen and we do heal from this horrific grief.  It does get better Frank so hang onto your hat!

I know reading some posts on here and realizing the searing pain that they feel hurts all of us, but we are the warriors that have walked through this rough road and we can help as best we can. 

As Jane P said 'take those baby steps' and before you know it those baby steps turn into long strides in life. 

We're all here for you my friend so vent away anytime you want to.  Be kind to yourself, make that list of problems and tackle one at a time because it does make life easier.

Big hugs (because you need it)

Marsha H.

Comment by Pam Wetzel on November 16, 2014 at 3:02pm
I lost the love of my life Ray on June 12, 2013 and I am devastated. I also have depression and an anxiety disorder. I'm in therapy on meds and learning dialectical behavioral therapy which helps but it takes a lot of practice and I'm just starting it. I get horrible fear and think negative thoughts when the anxiety hits. Anyone else have these problems. Thanks!
Comment by Carol Kayser on November 16, 2014 at 2:03pm

Dear Frank.  Thank you for posting.  Similar struggles touch us all. I wanted to say I understand the comment your friends have made that Noreen was "soul weary" because while not using those words my own husband referred to that exact feeling.  So I do understand where it comes from.  They just get very tired.  My mom bless her used to say "I'm fed up".  I used to wonder why she'd say that, but as her health left her I completely understand it now. 

Just know that we are all here to support each other and help through the hard times and to share good times too!

Hugs,

Carol

Comment by Jane P. on November 15, 2014 at 4:57am

Frank, As always, we understand what you are going through. The ups and downs of grief and the feeling of never being further ahead then the day before.  That is why we always say baby steps.  Just when we think we are gaining ground something always happens to send us backwards.  And when we grieve it escalates our emotions making a situation feel worse then what it is.  But each time the backwards motion is not as far back as the first time.

Our grief is something we need to go through but most likely we will never get over it, we just adjust.  There will always be a gaping hole in our hearts and something missing in our lives.  With those special occasions and now the holidays soon upon us we begin to feel the loneliness more, and the reality of our loss.  Frank you are not alone, your feelings are normal and we truly understand your pain.  HUGS,  Jane P.

 

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