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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by Kathy Parker on January 2, 2015 at 1:40am
As I sit here facing another sleepless night, I find comfort in re-reading everyone's comments. I feel less isolated in my grief. I am still faraway from feeling that my life will ever be better than this. My husband died unexpectedly leaving behind secrets, lies and betrayals for me to stumble across. The pain and anger has been unmanageable for me, and made it impossible for me to talk with others about it. I don't want these things to be his legacy and I can't deal with the anger it would bring out in people who care about me. Thanks for letting me say these things "out loud." I feel guilty already for having said what I have about him when he isn't here to explain himself. I still love and miss him.
Comment by Trina Mamoon on January 1, 2015 at 10:43pm

Carol, I can only imagine how doubly difficult it is for you to have your wedding anniversary on New Year's Day. You have my deepest sympathy. And yes, there will always be reminders and sometimes they'll catch us off guard.

I like what you said about for some moments of joy in our lives. I believe our departed spouses would want us to enjoy moments of joy and to get some respite once in a while. Thanks for these kind wishes for us all.

Sending healing vibes your way. -- Trina

Comment by Carol Kayser on January 1, 2015 at 10:13pm
Chicago Beard, so glad to hear you are recovering well from surgery.
Jane P. Thanks for posting those words. It's another year and one to hopefully find peace and kindness in.
Trina, to celebrate New Year's alone is so hard. It was also my wedding anniversary, doubly hard. The 1sts are so challenging and we all ask ourselves the same questions. There are no easy answers.
Today my granddaughter found one of my husband's watches and brought it to me. I just started crying just seeing it. The reminders will always be there.
My wish is just for some moments of joy in all our lives, some love and laughter.

Love,
Carol
Comment by Trina Mamoon on January 1, 2015 at 7:45pm

Jane P. : Just read your post. Thanks for reminding us that we have to to try to reach a "new normal" in our lives. Also, there is no going back. So baby steps towards attaining some measure of peace and to adapting to our new life which will never be the same as the old one. 

Wishing you peace. Best, Trina

Comment by Trina Mamoon on January 1, 2015 at 7:33pm

Happy New Year to all my fellow bereaved friends on this site. Even to say the word "Happy" sounds like strange thing to say. But what are we to do when a new year comes around, and a first one like it is for me without my spouse? Several of you have mentioned how lonely it felt to meet the new year without a kiss from your husband or wife. Last night that's how I felt. No Joseph to kiss and hug, nobody to share the new year with. Now the intensity of my grief has lessened (even thought tears are streaming down my cheek as I write this post); it has been replaced by a dull, hollow feeling that is firmly planted in my heart. Is this how the remaining years are going to be like?

I am fully aware that grief and the loss of a beloved spouse are all part of life and almost all human beings go through these feelings at one time or other in their lives, but this knowledge doesn't help to comfort. All I can think is that I wish my husband were here with me now and that we could be together again. I know that all of us here on this site are feeling this, especially on January 1st. Another year to face and go through without the love our life.

Renae: so sorry for your additional problems. I have been there; when practical problems arise, we are reminded more bitterly what a hole our spouses have left behind. Hope the problem gets fixed soon.

Chicago Beard: glad to hear that your surgery went well and that you are resting.

Again, I am so glad for this forum where people like us can come and share our thoughts and feelings and find some comfort knowing that someone here understands what we are having to endure. It's good to know that we are here for each other.

Wishing all of you here good health and peace in the New Year. 

Best regards, Trina

Comment by Marsha H on January 1, 2015 at 2:31pm

Vincent ...  Happy New Year and I wish you peace, comfort and a new start on living life which we all hope for. 

When you wrote that you missed kissing your wife at New Years in touched me because that's exactly how I felt.  For 45 years Ernie and I always kissed hoping the New Year would bring blessings to us.  I miss him very much as you miss your wife.

Marsha

Comment by Chicago Beard on January 1, 2015 at 2:30pm

Happy New Year to all my friends (and I consider all here my friend). I am almost totally recovered from my surgery and getting on with life. It is my hope that all who come here get some comfort and peace in the new year. 

Comment by Marsha H on January 1, 2015 at 2:29pm

Renae ...  I am so sorry to hear about your frozen pipe.  I just spent a fortune on all new pipes under my house as they were so old and some were cracked and others just hanging there.  It was just before Christmas and I'll admit that I felt over-whelmed with a 'why now?'  I started to cry out of sheer frustration and wished Ernie had been here to take care of things.  It seems for many of us that since our spouses passed away one thing after the other gives out and on top of all this those special occasions seem to come too close together making us feel we can hardly breath at times and when it's over we think 'what next?'  Someone up there is looking after us because in the end it all works out. 

I know there are times some of us who grief feel we are losing our minds or 'why go on', but in time the pain lessens long enough for us to catch our breath and move on.  I am glad you have reached out to the suicide hot line and that you find comfort.  It is nice to know someone is there all the time for you.  We are here for you as well.  I hope you find a loyal and trusted friend you can rely on so you can talk to someone one-on-one (in person) and it does help.  If you don't and even if you aren't religious go to a church and talk to a Pastor if need be.  It does help and I've done it myself.  Humans have a need to see another person, perhaps a hug or 'it's going to be OK.'  Hang on hon because you are going to make it and you're stronger than you think.

Big hugs (because you need it)

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on January 1, 2015 at 2:19pm

Happy New Year to all.  Jane P, the words you left us with are wise and so well put; thank you for that. 

I wish each one comfort, peace, strength and joy.  It's attainable with time. 

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Barbara Sullivan on January 1, 2015 at 12:07pm

Thank you --Jane P.  for those very wise words.  My grief on losing the love of my life has become a part of me -- and, very slowly, I am working on finding what now defines me.  It is not grief, though, I know that the grieving has, indeed, changed me and continues to have its impact on my days and nights. The words you offered us, speak to exactly where I am, at this time.

My New Year's wish for all of us is comfort in our sorrow, peace in our hearts, and baby steps towards our 'new normal' future.

Hugs to all,

Barbara

 

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