Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Carol Kayser on July 4, 2014 at 9:18pm

DesertDove, thanks so much for the suggestion.  I want to see the movie it just looked gruelling to me but it sounds like I should definitely see it!

Sorry that happened to your husband - that's quite disgusting:( where is the respect for the patient...sigh.  Good for you for doing that.




ps will let you know re the movie!

Comment by Theresa Wimann on July 4, 2014 at 7:25pm
I donate nothing to cancer research. When they call I ask if they are testing biological or physics based treatments. They ask like what. So I ask are they researching cannabis use for cancer treatment. If they say no, I say you are part of the problem then. Why would I want to have something artificial in my body?
Comment by DesertDove on July 3, 2014 at 11:16am
Oh I whole heartily agree with u Barbara & Carol what u both say is soooo true. If anyone hasn't seen it. I highly recommend u rent. the movie. "Dallas Buyer's Club" with Matthew McConahey based on a true story touches on this very subject!! All the greed those med'l & pharma companies have!! In my most vulnerable state of mind. the Hospital where my late husband was in even did a treatment he didn't need, but I didn't know. until one time they came in at midnight & I said he just fell asleep. Can u do it later & the rn said to me u can stop it if u want to. So I did. he had Hepititus C. liver was shot. he was dying & here they were giving him ammonia treatments! I hate them for that. It's the almighty dollar!!
Comment by Barbara Sullivan on July 3, 2014 at 7:03am

Carol -- our society is all about greedy profits and NOT about advancing to a cure or prevention of cancer.  Science is sold to the highest bidder and our (U.S) government agencies are in cahoots with the corporations who see a cheap, natural treatment of cancer as a threat to their bottom line.  

My husband was given a single injection, during his cancer treatment, at a cost of $11,000.  I later learned that the same drug is available in Canada for $2700!!!  In California for $8000.  And, various prices in other places.  The drug companies are NOT in a race for the cure -- but, in a race for cash!  

My heart breaks for the lives lost and the families devastated by this disease -- and I am tortured by the thought that my husband and so many others might have been saved --- except for the love of the almighty dollar!  

My sister, who has been battling cancer for 2 years, recently waited for 3 weeks for a drug that neither Medicaid or Medicare will pay for -- as a single Mom who has been unable to work due to her illness, she cannot afford to pay for the medicine, herself.  

In my small community there is almost always some event going on to raise money to pay for the treatment of a child with cancer.

How heartless and greedy can the drug companies be?  Heartless enough to allow a child to die -- while they keep their researchers busy looking at yet another expensive drug that does not cure!!!

Forgive the rant!!!  I just hate that we are all held hostage by big corporations!


Comment by Carol Kayser on July 3, 2014 at 1:00am
Oh Wilela and Marsha. I feel exactly the same. Good conversation to have. I don't contribute because I feel very strongly the same way and have friends that do too. I did ask though a friend who worked there and you can make a specific donation to certain research and it must be directed right there.
I have a very close friend, he is quite brilliant and owns a company in Victoria with a branch in England. He and 3 other researchers/doctors their goal is natural cancer treatments and a blood test to detect early cancer. I can look up the links, but he has had dealings at all levels of healthcare and government and his words to me were they didn't want to hear it if it didn't involve drugs and chemo. Around the world other research is being done on non chemo based treatments but in Canada the cancer agencies absolutely refuse to work with anything else and in fact threaten their patients not to take anything else. It's a big political, drug company, profit driven organization. Patients are not their priority, they are their own priority.

Well that's me on my soapbox!
Hope you ladies enjoyed Canada Day!

Comment by Marsha H on July 2, 2014 at 4:57am

Wilela ... I was the same as you and never gave pancreatic cancer much thought because I never heard anything about it until Ernie was diagnosed with it. 

Many have ceased to give donations to the various cancer societies because they want to know exactly where the money is going; want to know administration fees, salaries and just how much is actually going to finding cures. In over 50 years there has been few cures for cancer and those statistics just don't make sense.  I phoned the cancer society myself and asked the questions I mentioned above and never got one decent answer.  I have talked to many people and they no longer give to cancer research until they see more results for cures. 

Good post Wilela.



Comment by Marsha H on July 2, 2014 at 4:52am

Eliva ... so nice to see you post and thank you for the compliment.  Don't worry about your faith as it will return. God knows we can get angry or very sad at the loss of a loved one.  I still struggle with my faith as well.  I can understand you not wanting to go to church right now since Pablo has passed away. Please remember he is always next to you giving you strength. 

Please don't worry about your son's wedding.  Most mothers cry at their son's or daughter's wedding so you'll fit right in and you won't ruin it for him.  If he should ask why you are crying simply tell him it's because you are so happy for him and that's the truth.  I think for the most part you will have a wonderful time think of this ... you and Pablo always hoped your son would marry a great girl and now it's happening and I'm sure Pablo will be right there.  Some believe this to be true while others don't, but I've just had too many experiences to believe they aren't with us.

You go to that wedding, have a little cry, go somewhere quiet off and on if you need it and realize you aren't losing a son, but gaining a daughter.



Comment by Steve Cain on July 2, 2014 at 12:19am
Elvira you will do just fine at the wedding and I know you will be a great mother-in-law.
Comment by georgia on July 1, 2014 at 10:50pm
Hi Elvira,I hope you have a wonderful time at your sons wedding.
Comment by Elvira Castellanos on July 1, 2014 at 7:07pm

Marsha, thank you for your posts, they always make me feel like there is some hope after all, your words are always so wise & they speak the truth, I too still question my faith, have gone back to church but not every week like I did when Pablo was here, we would go to church every sunday, so for me it is very hard to be there without him, I am right now struggling with my reaction & how I can handle my emotions next week at my son's wedding, I don't want to ruin it for him because he deserves a beautiful wedding that he has been preparing for such a long time.

Haven't posted too much recently because I feel I keep repeating myself & just come in to the site & read all the posts, which sometimes makes me realize I am not alone, because all here are struggling like me.

Thank you all for the posts that help me take one day at a time & hoping somewhere along the line it will get just a little bit better.

Hugs to all,



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