Grief support groups, condolence advice, funeral etiquette and more
A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.
Latest Conversations: Nov 2
This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.
Started by Julie. Last reply by DJ Dec 6, 2020.
Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31, 2020.
Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019.
I take a nap every afternoon..mostly I don,t dream, but today I had the strangest dream...it is kinda of detailed, but the short version, I dreamt of a couple, Sam and Gloria I haven,t seen in years, but are related to me by marriage., Sam, the husband died about 6 weeks ago. In my dream, they were creating a guest list for an event..they were young, like I had last seen them..Sam was laughing, joking, being so attentive to Gloria...smiling at me..Bob was with me, and had taken me to see them. When I woke up..I felt like I had been given a message to pass on to Gloria...to tell her that Sam was with her, and would always be. Yeah,I know...but It was SO STRONG...so I will contact her..and tell her...cuz I believe it really WAS a message from him. Has anyone else experienced anything like this? Strangely, Sam who died, was vital, young and full of life, and Gloria was a bit faded and quieter. I don,t know if that means anything. But when I woke, I know I have to give Gloria that message.
Sadly, it was also one of those dreams, that when I awoke..for a minute, I forgot that Bob had died..and then I remembered he was really gone, and I felt such a deep loss all over again.
I can only speak as a HUGE extrovert..(no surprise here lol) and as one, we extroverts selfishly assume, incorrectly, that everyone is like us..and when we meet someone who is quiet and shy...we jump to the assumption that we aren,t liked by them...I know..that is ridiculous, so when I meet someone who is non talkative, etc..I announce that I hope “ I don,t offend, but I never shut up!” Somehow that seems to break the ice a bit...I actually have a very close friend who I realized after nearly 40 years, she didn,t talk a lot in social situations...when I called her on it..and admitted I had no idea she was uncomfortable with people she didn,t know..as she had always been friendly with me..she told me straight up that was because I just kept talking to her, and haven,t shut up for years! And, BTW, her husband died few years before Bob did...and he was a total extrovert.
My dear family ... Here is a good article for introverted people and it explains how you should handle it (feel comfortable in your own skin) but other helpful hints. I hope it helps as those who are grieving and introverted it's a tougher journey.
Deborah ... My husband Ernie was more introverted while I'm very extroverted and some of it rubbed off on him. It's OK to be an introvert if that is what makes you comfortable and no one should EVER judge you for that. That being said, I would suggest you try your best and look at those around you and choose someone you may think will converse with you. It's a start and you can still be introverted, but take the chance of talking to one or two people you are comfortable with. I know it's not easy and as extroverted as I am it's as if I'm Typhoid Mary. One thing on my side though is if I ask someone to go for coffee and they look at me as if I wanted to rip their tongue out. LOL I just smile and it seems to ease the idea of going and sometimes it works and other times not. I keep trying and here is a story for you:
Since it hasn't been easy to find new friends (women are the worst I must admit to get to know) I was helping out at the dog shelter and this lady came in to adopt a dog. It was surreal because she came directly to me and we talked like we'd known each other before. We exchanged phone numbers and emails. I am so use to being ignored and hurt and my attitude is, 'It could happen, don't hold your breath and move on.' Lo and behold she did phone me and we're meeting for lunch next Tuesday. In our conversation she admitted being introverted, but felt comfortable around me and as we laughed and talked we did have some things in common. So there is hope! Even if it's one friend that's all one needs. I do enjoy my own company, yet I do like being around others every so often.
I've be shocked to find though that now in widowhood how cruel old friends can be or even some family members that seem to disappear and reappear in my life. Because of it I have become extremely independent and not bending to their ways. The solace of it all is one day they unfortunately, will be where we are. Just do what you are comfortable with and you know we love ya on here!
All of us on this site have been the subject of well meaning friends and family " assessment" of a myriad of thing's we should do and how we should be living our lives. Bottom line, each one of us gets to choose what we can do or not do. Give yourself time to adjust, grief is the cruelest emotion I have had to deal with. Maybe because I am older, I have learned that it is ok to walk away from certain people and it is also ok to live my life as I see fit.
Here we are one family, here, we can vent as each one of us struggles getting thru one day at a time.
Francis, I too am more of an introvert, my husband talked to anyone, I have a much harder time, its getting in the way of me doing volunteer work or getting a job to keep myself busy so I totally get it, none of us want to be judged but also think about the fact that the people that are judging others must leave a very pathetic life to have to sit in judgement of others, everyone has the right to be themselves as long as it isn't harming anyone else, I hope you find the church or whatever peace you are looking for
Been taking grand sons to VBS. There is a lesson for adults, and I have enjoyed them. However, I find myself not sure who to talk to. I have no program teaching to a group, but find being uncoupled a challenge. Vaughn was social, I am an introvert. I am trying to come to the zone Marsha is in- acceptance. I do see the need for connecting to others - but at the samr time, uncomfortable a little about church. I was raised in church, and have attended many faiths .lol - seeking, I guess. I just want to live life on my own terms and not be judged.
Dear Deborah P ... I was in tears reading your post and I do know exactly how you feel. Even though it's been 8 years since Ernie passed away many of my friends are having fun together as couples, going on vacation and making plans telling me all about it and I have to admit sometimes I feel angry that Ernie isn't here so we could do all those things and also envious of those that can. Thankfully as time goes on I've learned to accept it and it does get easier, but every so often I tear-up, frustrated and wondering what my life is all about.
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