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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1372
Latest Conversations: on Sunday

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by MikeF on June 30, 2014 at 9:34pm

Georgia:

My wife also died of pancreatic cancer.  She was six days past her 57th birthday.  It was roughly six months after her diagnosis.  Like your husband, her symptoms were vague (food did not taste right... which led to weight loss).  I suspect that by the time she was showing any symptoms she was already in Stage IV. 

It has been a year and a half. I start feeling better and then seem to regress.  Grief is definitely not a linear path.  I have been participating in a bereavement group since just after her death and it has helped keep me connected.  It is the one place that I can really talk and not feel out of my mind.  I don't cry so much on the outside, but there are days when I feel like I can't stop crying on the inside.

Yes, your feelings are normal.  Just reading the posts here, you see we all have followed a similar path.  No two of us have the same story.  We all experience grief in slightly different ways.  But it is in sharing our experiences that we all find hints as to how to rebuild our lives.

Comment by georgia on June 29, 2014 at 11:15pm
Jane p. ,Elvira,thank you for understanding.
God bless .
Georgia.
Comment by georgia on June 29, 2014 at 10:56pm
Marsha, Theresa,thank you for your kind words.
Marsha, my husband also passed from pancreatic cancer,only 58, it came out of no where, he started to Lose weight we when to doctor and everything just when so fast,I am just know beginning to remember thinks he told me during that time.
Thank you again.
Comment by janeo on June 29, 2014 at 8:37pm

Karen

You did not fail, there is no such word with  grief. Set backs yes I think those steps backwards actually helps us move forward. Thats   how I feel anyway.  If you want a chuckle a little I even cry to the teller in the bank. Their probably saying oh no here she comes.

Comment by Steve Cain on June 29, 2014 at 7:44pm
Karen, we all get these moments. Five years have passed and there are still moments that hit me and I feel like I took 6 steps back. My mom told me after my dad died you never "get over" it. Although my life has changed I will always have my times.
Comment by Karen W on June 29, 2014 at 7:16pm
Janeo, thank you for the kind words and for the prayers. Both are appreciated! Theresa, although I'm not new to the site, I haven't posted much, thinking I was okay and strong enough to handle it all. Well, NOT! So here I am, and thank you for listening.
Comment by Karen W on June 29, 2014 at 7:03pm
Marsha, thank you. I really needed to hear that my feelings and experiences are "normal" and okay. Sometimes I just don't know. I'm so used to being strong and in control of my self and my situations, it's so frightening sometimes to be so totally out of control emotionally. Especially when I thought I was doing well dealing with things and then to be brought to my knees again, discouraging. I have good friends and I have a great family, but as hard as they try, they really don't get it, this grief thing. So I find myself smiling and saying, "it's okay, I'm okay" when I'm really not because I'm just too exhausted and sad to try and explain it to them. My Ed and I loved and enjoyed our life. There was so much fun and laughter. I know he wants me to feel that way again. I try hard but I can't seem to hold on to it for very long before the sadness comes back and I feel like I've failed again. I understand that I need to give myself permission to be sad, to grieve, without feeling like I'm weak or pathetic. It's something that goes against the grain though and doesn't come easy. Although I'm not new to this site, I haven't posted much. I did check out the link and will read it all more thoroughly again later. Thanks again for listening and caring.
Comment by Theresa Wimann on June 29, 2014 at 5:39pm
Marsha, I wish these posts had like buttons. I would have pushed like on your posts to Karen and Georgia. You give great advice.
Comment by Theresa Wimann on June 29, 2014 at 5:36pm
Went to visit mom today and she had a headache. I stayed for lunch and once I asked for a straw, she drank three big glasses of water and juice. I'm sure part of the headache was dehydration. It is so frustrating. Bruce would have listened and made good suggestions. I'm so frustrated sometimes when I don't have him to bounce ideas off. He used to be my favorite person to play bounce with. He never said that is stupid or are you crazy, he knew I was throwing out wild ideas to create synergy and he could help me link ideas so well. I play it with him in my head, when I am home but sometimes in public, I just want to cry because I can't call him and play bounce!
Comment by Theresa Wimann on June 29, 2014 at 5:31pm
Dear Georgia and Karen welcome to your new friends site. We promise that we will listen and commiserate with you. We will tell you that you are nor
T losing it. We will pray for you to be able to go on. We will share our stories as examples of what or what not to do. We will answer what seems to others as stupid questions. Drama is okay here! We will care about you for as long as you need us. I am sincerely sorry that we have to meet this way but know that you are welcomed and cared about.
 

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