Grief support groups, condolence advice, funeral etiquette and more
A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.
Latest Conversations: Nov 8
This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.
Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21.
Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24.
Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22.
I couldn't of said it better myself. Your words are so true.
Hello to both Deb and Kristen and Terry, as I am reading your posts my heart just goes out to each of you on the sudden loss of your beloveds. A death that we know is coming through illness is so extremely difficult but we have at that point already began to grieve our loss, but for yourselves, how do you prepare - the answer being you can't. One moment they are with you and the next they are not. It's heartbreaking. As others say, we recognize we need to continue to live and to find some meaning in our own lives, but there is the period of grieving and lonlieness that sometimes will not leave us or comes to us in waves of uncontrollable grief. It is good to have a focus and a purpose if we can find it - something to get us up and moving. It's also incredibly helpful to find someone to talk and share with and this site provides so much of a comfort.
For myself, my husband will have been gone 4 years in August. He is tucked safely in my heart and we still have a binding love.
Take baby steps and take a little time for yourselves, come back often.
Deb, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost Rob 4 months tomorrow (Feb 28) to H1N1 flu. He was 48 yrs old and healthy. The range of emotions that I go through on a daily basis has not gotten easier. I am moving along and dealing the best I can. Basically doing what I need to do, going to work, taking care of issues that have cropped up with the house and trying my best. I try not to think about the future, but just try to think about tomorrow. Being only 46, I can't believe that I am in this "place". So lost without him. Rob and I had so many plans of growing old together. I'm glad you found us here. Everyone here understands.
Deb ... I am so sorry about the way your beloved husband passed away and can't even begin to imagine the shock it was for you. Life just doesn't seem fair and as hard as we try we can't make sense of it most of the time.
My husband Ernie also quit smoking and I was proud of him, but then about 2 years after that he became sick (he was never sick and this 6' 6" hero of mine was always going to be with me) but, he became very ill before being diagnosed with Celiac Disease (wheat gluten disorder) and we got him through that at his weight went from 156 lbs. to 225 in a matter of 2 months and we thought that was the end of it. Then his throat became swollen and when he saw the doctor it was deemed as Strep Throat, but thankfully I took a look myself and could see his airways closing off so rushed him to ER. It seemed to take forever to get a diagnosis, but when they did find a cyst the size of a walnut under his tongue is shocked us. The surgery wasn't a pleasant one and I felt so badly for him. Then a reprieve for a few short months and we both felt anything that happened we could beat it together, but we weren't prepared for his having pancreatic cancer and the journey throughout that was hell for him and also myself. Even though it's difficult to sit by and have no control over the death of your spouse I do know sudden death is much more difficult. I pray things go better for you and time is a factor of healing through our grief. I have come to the conclusion that life isn't fair and many things don't make sense.
Stay strong my friend.
Steve ... I agree with you and there is always something that can set us off without warning.
Last night something just dawned on me out of the blue that at the time of the loss of our spouse it's like a bright oil painting where all the memories are there and every emotion heightened and as time goes by that same picture turns to pastel colors of beauty because time is a factor in healing through grief and that pastel painting to me means that the brightness of the oil painting so fresh and so 'there' has now faded a little to the more gentle colors of pastels and for some of us the pastel painting is peaceful reminding us of our spouses without the horrendous pain we once endured and that as some fear we will never forget our beloved spouses. I just don't know where that thought came from and it may seemed jumbled, but so clear to me. Yes, something can trigger me off as well and I come home and have a good cry, but then we forge ahead because there is no looking back other than good memories.
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