Grief support groups, condolence advice, funeral etiquette and more
A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.
Latest Conversations: Nov 8
This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.
Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21.
Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24.
Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22.
Hi Deb: I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I too, lost my husband recently--in January to a sudden and tragic accident. He was asphyxiated when he was buried in a mountain of rock salt in a machine when it collapsed on him at work. My 22 year old son was there trying to dig him out and went into shock, and unfortunately none of the equipment could get to him fast enough. I still cry every time I try to tell someone what happened. It's awful, and I feel your pain. I am 52, and we had been together for 30 years. We were the couple that everyone knew would grow old together and I was so lucky to have that soul mate by my side. The loss is indescribable, as you know, and I am so lost without him. We worked together too, so we were always talking. It s like the world went silent--even though there are other people to talk to nothing is the same. Somehow I wake up every day and go through the motions of what needs to be done, but I find myself very unproductive and unmotivated. I'm not getting my work done and I spend most of my day thinking about my Gus. Reading these posts and hearing that there are so many other people who are feeling like I do and can relate to the level of grief has been a comfort to me. I've even been fortunate enough to meet one person for an afternoon since we are within 2 hours of each other and we were able to talk so much more. Please keep posting and sharing your feelings--I've found it helpful and I too am trying to deal with the tragedy of sudden death to a healthy person. It was that phone call you never want to get, and the phone still haunts me. Take care of yourself, and keep reaching out. Terry
Dear Elvira ... We all know the horrendous pain and grief you are going through, but, even though you feel you can't make it another hour or a day you will always surprise yourself at how strong you are. It has only been 4 months since your sweetheart passed away and for several months to even a year or so we can be in a fog-like state (brains way of coping with the trauma and stress.) Eventually we realize the reality of it all and that our lives are changed forever and then it's another stage of grief we go through and it's like walking along a cliff blind-folded not knowing where the terrible journey of grief with take us. Let me tell you that after 3 years of the passing of my love Ernie, you do get stronger as time goes on, but, I still have my cries, miss him like crazy, get angry every so often because I miss him so much and can feel down right depressed (considering on talking to my doctor re antidepressants.) I have gone to grief counseling and it helped to an extent, but I've come to realize that this new thing called 'grief of a spouse' is new to all of us and of course came as a blow because it wasn't expected so it's Post Traumatic Stress. Yes, the right antidepressant will help take the edge off your anxiety and at least let you concentrate better to improve your new way of life and for all of us we just want to go into the future as peacefully as we can and that doesn't mean ever forgetting our spouses. Life goes on and as one person said on here ... there is no where to go, but forward. You will be OK Elvira and I know I go through the odd bout of 'I'm going crazy and I'm going to lose it', but I don't and neither will you. Lean on us!
May I suggest along with your medication please see a psychologist that deals in grief counseling. You may not think it will help, but it does. Psychiatrists study 3/4 of their term studying medications and Psychologist study human reactions and do not prescribe medication, but they can still contact your family physician and suggest you may need another type of antidepressant or another type of medication.
You are going to make it Elvira and be kind to yourself. If you need to sleep then do so and if you don't feel like doing something then don't. If you can go for walks with a friend as this does help the brain chemistry and also makes you feel more relaxed. I walk 2 miles every day with my girlfriend and my 2 dogs and I feel so much better.
My prayers come your way dear one.
Yes, it's tragic--He was healthy, had quit smoking and had had his knee replaced just over a year before and was in such a good mood as he was pain free. It's hurts to even write it but he chocked to death on bacon...It rips my heart out that something like that could happen to him! We'd been together 33 years and I'm finding it so hard to live without my rock as he was always there for me. Sudden death is so overwhelming and I can only hope he didn't suffer terribly. I am so sorry your Don seemed to be safe after going through so many surgeries only to die so unexpectedly. My thoughts will be with you tomorrow.
I'm planning to go to our lake cottage tomorrow for the first time since he passed--He'd been going there since he was 8 yrs. old so will feel his vibes strongly. Comforting and painful at the same time--no internet so, but peaceful.
Take care...Deb xxxx
Hi Deb, I am so sorry, accidents are such tragedies, I feel for you. Don had heart problems, but was doing well, all the doctors said, after several surgeries, so it was unexpected, he just didnt wake up. We were married 40 years and he was truly the other half of me. My family will be understanding, but nobody really understands but those of us who are going through it. This is a good place to come to, because everyone knows what you are going through. So welcome to the group that nobody wants to be in. God Bless.
Hi Janice, I am sorry for your loss! This is my first post on here... I lost my Dean just over 5 months ago to a freek accident...it seems the longer it is it goes it gets harder and I feel more alone by the day. I feel your pain. It's like no one else can fill the hole in our lives. We lived outside the US and had become very dependent on each other and I have a small family and for the most part they don't understand what grief feels like. I hope your family will help you through tomorrow and that you will find peace. Big hugs. Deb
Tomorrow morning will be 2 years since the morning Don didnt wake up, and I have never felt so alone in my life. I just dont know whst to do with myself.
Its been at least 6 months since I've posted on here, I have been busy with my large family and 2 great-grandbabies, and thought I have been doing ok, but I woke up this morning feeling like I had been punched in the stomach and its been horrible all day. I thought I'd come back here and tell the only people who really truly understand.
I see new people here, so welcome and please know I feel your pain.
Hi Frank Nice to see you post. I have not been posting at all recently as I cannot face telling the story of my husbands death.it will be 4 years on the 4th aUGUST AND I seem to be going backward. The pain never lets up for a minute unless I am asleep.. and he is centre front of my mind at all other times. I sometimes feel I will go mad with grief and the though I might have years to suffer this until, we meet again (if we do, sometimes I doubt that also). i hope the new members on legacy find it sas much a help as I did though if you saw me now you would doubt that but I seriously think I would have ended in the rifer at the end of my garden without it at the beginning. Sorry you seem to be much in the same state as me still Frank. I have around 5 friends left now only two of which I feel I can still cry with. All the other offers have disappeared like smoke. I wish everyone the best.
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