Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


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Grief so great it hurts

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Comment by Marsha H on May 10, 2019 at 4:20am

Dear Diane ...  How sweet of you to put your own worries aside and leave such a lovely post to me.  I'm blushing!  LOL  Since Tootsie has past it certainly has made a big hole in my home and of course Booker is grieving.  I try doing what I can for him and give him extra love and attention and he's OK when walking (not 100% the same), but once home he mopes.  

I do feel surrounded by love and caring when I come here and I call all of you 'my angels.'  I feel so badly for many who are having difficulties at this time and of course they are in my prayers as well.

I don't know if I told you that near the end of last year when I was volunteering at the shelter the lady that owned the shelter, but showed the dogs at a pet store for adoption was doing strange things; cost of dogs varied far to high; some dogs shouldn't be up for adoption because they were stressed or had coughs and of course I questioned her.  It had nothing to do with me, but the store refused to let her show the dogs any longer and since she lives way to far away from where I live that was the end of my volunteering days.  I miss going to help those little souls find good homes and it was upsetting to me because this lady emailed me calling me her friend and she loved me in December and I have never heard from her since.  If this hadn't happened I certainly would have chosen the right dog and I do want a 17 - 20 lb., small dog that is between 3  - 5 years old.  Some are considered senior dogs and not often adopted out and I'd be saving a life instead of feeling like I was replacing my sweet Tootsie.  The shelters here are disgusting and make it far to difficult to adopt and so many complaints for losing out on a dog for no specific reason (would be good pet owners) it breaks their heart.  The questionnaire you fill out is a long one and some say some shelters even ask how much you make a year (breach of the privacy act) and are so stringent that people are forced to buy dogs off places like Craig's List, etc., or go elsewhere which I've always said only creates the very puppy mills the SPCA is trying to stop.  I am so angry about it all.  Haven't started really looking yet, but go on Google and some of the dogs flown in cost $600 - 
$800 and most are street dogs.  Go figure!  It seems I'm always climbing mountains when something like this shouldn't be so difficult.  Don't mind if they home visit me and my vet told me if I have any problems to have me have the shelter phone him, but most shelters don't bother. 

Thank you for the prayers my dear friend and I'm sure going to need them finding that right little dog for Booker and I.

I hope things are going better for you and you are in a peaceful time of your life.  Thank you once again for thinking of me.  You are always there when I need you.

Love & Hugs


Comment by Marsha H on May 10, 2019 at 4:04am

Dear Deborah ...  Thank you so much for your kind thoughts regarding my dear Tootsie and with Booker feeling so low.  I agree that I will need to get another small dog for him as he's just not himself.  I feel so sorry for him as he's alone now so if I go out even for an he is really upset.  I imagine in his mind that his daddy left and never came back, then our cat Molly 5 months later and now his little sister Tootsie and he fears I'll not come back.  There is no way you can explain and calm their fears.  Luckily I do not work and retired and I don't go out all that often.  The weather has suddenly become to hot to leave a dog in the car or I would bring him with me on short trips to stores.  

Thank so much for the good luck and prayers and I really do appreciate it as it's so kind of you to think of me when you have much on your mind and fear of flooding.  Again you are in my prayers.  

Big hugs


Comment by Marsha H on May 10, 2019 at 3:57am

Dear Deborah ...  I am so sorry you have all this stress on your shoulders wondering if the river will rise and so sad after all the work you did you had to dismantle Greg's pond.  You will certainly be in my my prayers and hopefully you will be fine.  Please keep us posted. 

Big hugs


Comment by Steve G. on May 9, 2019 at 12:02pm


I am praying for an end to all of this rain for you and for everyone whose lives have been devastated by flooding.  I just have to believe that your neighborhood will be sparred, enough is enough for all.

I have been through 5 hurricanes in my life while living in Florida, those are terrifying in of itself. but to have to watch daily as water rises must be more so.

Please know that we are all here for you and praying for you.  Mother nature seems to be having a tantrum along the Mississippi, stay safe, will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Comment by Diane C on May 9, 2019 at 11:35am

Oh Deborah,

So sorry to hear about the rain and flooding near you. After you posted that picture of Greg's pond last week, it will be heartbreaking if the waters make it that far, it is a beautiful garden. Glad you were able to get everything moved, just in case. Prayers for you and your neighborhood!!!

Comment by Diane C on May 9, 2019 at 11:14am

Hi Marsha,

I was so very sorry to read your message. As you can read here, you are so very well thought of and respected. We are here to support you in every way we can across the miles. You are receiving so many virtual hugs, I am sure you can feel them. I am sorry that you had to go through this with Miss Tootsie. Seems so many of us on here are animal lovers. I know how very important she has been to you, especially these past 8 years. I am sending you a huge hug, I hope you can feel it!! Love to you and Mr. Booker. I know working at the shelter, you will find one that will grab your heart and make Booker a happy dog again!! Good luck and I wish for peace to you!! Love, Diane

Comment by deborah peck on May 9, 2019 at 8:19am

Marsha my heart breaks for you and your Booker, when one of my yorkies passed away the other one clearly mourned her. She quit eating and just layed around to the point we got another puppy for her, a cocka-poo, they were best friends for a long time until the yorkie passed away too, now I have my Alvin who is about 11 years old and slowing down a lot. Are you planning on getting another puppy, it really did help my dog although they were never as close as my two yorkies were, good luck and prayers to you

Comment by deborah peck on May 9, 2019 at 8:14am

Has been a bad week here, what with Gregs birthday and the anniversary date on Sunday I am also watching the river rise a field away from my home, it is coming in on the side and back of my small subdivision. they have closed part of the road I live on, ughh, I have cleared out Gregs pond just in case but its all so stressful, too much at once. my shoulders hurt all the time from being so tense so send prayers this doesn't flood us out. The good news is today is the last of the rain for awhile so maybe it will go down soon. I live about 5 miles from the river so didn't expect this. love you all

Comment by Marsha H on May 8, 2019 at 3:45am

Dear Deb ....  It is always so good to hear from you and when there is a problem with any of us you are right there with your heart on your sleeve.

Booker is getting a little better each day as I am, but there is still that hole in our home.  On walks he does enjoy it to an extent, but can tell he isn't the same without his Tootsie.  It all takes time.  I don't think we will ever forget any of our pets we've had as they have enriched our lives in countless ways.  I can well imagine everyone on the island loved Moon and to bad Ginger just wanted to stay home.

I realize how difficult it was for you to pack up the clothes of your partner, but I did what you did after Ernie passed away and gave them to a charity.  I will admit I did keep a couple of things of Ernie's I couldn't part with.  How wonderful of you to want to volunteer and I know you will be such an asset there and no doubt your application will be accepted.  Please keep me informed.

I have run into a problem with shelters.  The applications are very long so I've read and they even want to know how much you make a year (I believe that is against the Privacy Act); what does the person figure how much money they will have to spend on the dog at the vets (how is one to know?)  On and on it goes. I am about ready to start going to shelters and if I run into this problem they are going to have a fight on their hands.  I don't mind some questions, but a letter from your vet, letting someone inspect your home, etc., I don't mind one bit.  It use to be that way.  I have read so many reviews of people complaining they want to adopt a dog, but many shelters make it next to impossible yet the same shelters are complaining of the overload of pets at their shelter.  I will go to the media if this happens to me.  I will take a Senior dog that is healthy and an age range from 4 - 6 years.  I need a dog with some energy for Booker and I just want a dog around 17 - 20 lbs.  They need bathing and I wouldn't be able to lift a dog that weighed more.  Don't eat enough spinach.  LOL

My friend has gone through so much as two of her adult children are also fighting cancer and hopefully everything will work out well.  

Thank once again my friend and hope things are going well for you.

Love & big hugs back!


Comment by Deb on May 7, 2019 at 2:44pm

Dear Marsha, Thank you for your note. Hope you and Booker are adapting to your loss of Tootsie more every day. I'm sure he loves his walks and hope in time he will be his old self again. I know how difficult it is as I still miss my Moon and Ginger. Everyone on the island loved Moon as he was always with me out-n-about but few knew Ginger since she was happier to stay home. 

It was a hard job but I packed up clothes that had belonged to my partner and have them ready to take over to a thrift store. I heard about it from the food shelf near me that I've put in an application to volunteer at. It's nice because they give out vouchers to those in need to go to the thrift store to choose needed items. 

I agree that getting a dog from a shelter is wonderful and to make their life happy, healthy and most of all loved. 

So sorry to hear that your friend has also had a great loss — I'm sure you're a big help as she goes though this terrible passage.

Love and big hugs to you and all who are in this group.




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