Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum


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Comment by Marsha H on May 4, 2019 at 3:16am

April 27th was the 8th year of Ernie's passing and although tears come to my eyes I am able to smile at fond memories.  I thought this year would be no different and I planned to celebrate as usual.  Firstly I received a phone call from a friend whose husband has not been well for sometime and she called to tell me that at 12:30 AM on April 27th he had passed away peacefully, but unfortunately she was not informed until after his death.  I was in the middle of consoling her when my 16 year old little dog Tootsie let out a sound that I had never heard before and even my friend could hear it.  I looked over and she was half on her side on the carpet and I had to tell my friend quickly Tootsie needed me.  Some how I just knew my little one wasn't going to make it as I drove to the vets and the vet confirmed it was her time.  My vet is a wonderful and compassionate man and he gave me as much time as I needed with my little white angel.  I knew Tootsie had stayed on past the time she should have to help me through my grief of losing Ernie (she really missed him too as she was his little girl.)  The vet gave her a heavy sedative and I held her close to me and thanked her for being there for me and the best gift I could do was let her go and hopefully her 'poppy' was waiting for her.  It was a peaceful procedure and she looked peaceful, but I was a mess.  I was amazed that most of the staff at the vets hugged me and even 3 ladies in the vet's office with healthy little dogs rushed over to hug me.  Once again I was in shock, disbelief and my heart broken.  How did I explain all this to my other little dog Booker as Tootsie was his partner in crime.  He is grieving as well.  Then I went through the anger stage; Ernie and I couldn't have children and our pets were our children and one by one they were leaving me; first Ernie, 5 months later our cat Molly and now Tootsie.  I feel as if I haven't got much left in my soul from losing so much in what I feel is a short time.  Now I just keep busy and love Booker as much as I can.  We try to 'walk off the sorrow' but that's only another reminder.  I know I will get through this yet again, but so angry that I keep losing those I love.  My friend's husband was a wonderful man and we were fast friends and I feel sad as well over his passing and how strange he would pass away on the very same day Ernie did.  Two different emotions I was dealing with.  The house feels empty even though I have Booker here who sticks to me like glue.

Thanks for letting me vent.  

Comment by Marsha H on May 4, 2019 at 3:00am

Dear Deborah ....  It's beautiful!  It' so lush and green and so peaceful looking.  What a fine job you've done and great would be so proud.



Comment by deborah peck on May 3, 2019 at 8:12pm

thank you Chuck, I figured he was always looking out for us so the lighthouse is representing the fact that I know he still is

Comment by deborah peck on May 3, 2019 at 8:11pm

Steve I am so glad the tree came back, what a wonderful sign from Mark

Comment by Steve G. on May 3, 2019 at 1:53pm

Very beautiful and peaceful looking Deborah.

When I decided to place Mark's ashes in a planter with a small sapling of Crepe Myrtle last year, I was unable to move it inside the nights we had below freezing temps in the teens.  I was sure it did not survive, so I place some pansies around the bare sticks that was his tree, and decided that if Mark was happy (along with Bella's ashes) then it would come back.  Which it did, and it is growing ever so fast with all the spring rain.

Glad that you made it through Greg's birthday and that you are doing as well as possible.  

Take care dear friend and know that we are all here for you anytime.



Comment by Charles E. Nelson on May 3, 2019 at 11:03am

Dear Deborah,

What a lovely photo, and an even lovelier idea to have Greg's ashes kept nearby in the lighthouse overlooking the pond. This is one of the most beautiful ways of keeping our spouses with us I have heard. 

I'm glad that the day went well for you all - that your sister sent you flowers on the day is especially touching.

Thank you for sharing this photo, and have a peaceful day - 

Love, Chuck

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 3, 2019 at 11:02am

Very pretty...

Comment by deborah peck on May 3, 2019 at 10:46am

Gregs pond and lighthouse, we decorate it for all the holidays or just because

Comment by deborah peck on May 3, 2019 at 10:11am

well it is May 3rd, the day after Gregs birthday and I survived as I knew I would, I think the anticipation of these dates makes it that much harder, it was a nice day with only a couple of breakdowns. once when my sis and her hubby sent me flowers and then when my little grandson was showing everyone a card he made for his paw-paw. But the dinner went good and we even played games so it was a good day. did I tell you all that Gregs ashes are in a light house at his pond so he can always look out for us and that s where we put any cards or decorations we have for him. I will post a picture of it. Thank you all so much for your support

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on May 1, 2019 at 7:55pm

Dear Sara,

Thank you my friend. Yes, wouldn't we all give anything for another road trip, or conversation, with our lost loves.

It's amazing to me that whenever Steve and I are in the car, him driving always, I have to restrain myself from giving my comments regarding speed, cars behind us, etc., just like I did with Larry most of the time. Back then, I had a habit of slamming my foot on the nonexistent brake on my side of the car, which made Larry very mad and resulted in him sometimes threatening to let me out so I can walk home "safely".

Steve, on the other hand, just quietly tolerates my "assistance" until he finally says "Why don't you relax and let ME drive for awhile?" That always makes me smile and do just that...seems you actually can teach an old dog new tricks.

Be well Sara - 

Love, Chuck


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