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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1371
Latest Conversations: on Tuesday

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Helen Duncan Hutchinson on October 30, 2013 at 1:56pm

Welcome Roseanne to this site none of us really want to be on but all of us have lost spouses.   Mine died 3 plus years ago and the pain remains the same.   Because of the manner of his death I have been diagnosed with post traumatic stress which sadly there is no expert on in this area (UK, Scotland).   Therefore the pain remains as if he died yesterday.   The wonderful thing is that you have found this site.   My family (no children but a sister ans two nieces) have turned their backs on me as they cannot cope with my grief.   It sounds as if you have a very supportive family and that is the first hurdle and they will hold you up and help you come to terms with this awful pain.   On this site you can come at any time and pour out your heart and the pain and the hurt (some people won't be as kind as your Family) and howl at the moon if that helps and no one will be anything but supportive on legacy.   It really can be a life saver.   It has saved my sanity and stopped me trying to commit suicide and we are all one family here on legacy and there for each other in whatever way you need us.   I am so sorry for your loss

Comment by Roseanne Rogach on October 30, 2013 at 1:15pm

Hi, I am new to this site, my husband passed away on April 6, 2013.  I still have the "kick in the gut" feeling and waves of sadness come out of nowhere.  Fortunately I have a great family as a support group but it is so hard to explain how I feel.  I am sorry for the stories I have read on this wall and know that you can identify well with the feelings I am going through even though I find it hard to express.

Comment by Mac on October 30, 2013 at 11:45am

Hi All, I have been reading the post every day (my salvation) and I just cry when we get new members I welcome you but wish you did not have to be here, So many Mark,Mike, Barbara, Steve I cannot list all the new ones I am so sorry and pray for you.
Carol and Diane hope your home is finally getting back to normal and so enjoyed the Thanksgiving dinner comments I am so proud that you could cook a big thanksgiving dinner.
Marsha you are a hoot I actually laughed and read it over a few times. I wish I could have been there to see the guys face you always lift me up and its good to see so many with familes that care. Barbara you are doing a wonderful thing for your sister I wish I had family like that so cherish all that you can do and remember how much of an angel you are. I am so hoping that I can go with my babe soon so I do not have to be so alone.
Hope everyone has a good day, I keep all of you in my prayers.
Hugs,
Mac

Comment by Mac on October 30, 2013 at 11:38am

Comment by janice foyt on October 30, 2013 at 11:24am

I am new here as well.  I do not know how to handle this grief and hoping someone here can help me.  My husband passed away last week.

Comment by Barbara Sullivan on October 30, 2013 at 11:16am

Dear Steve -- I am so sorry for the loss of your partner.  We all know that feeling of numbness and disorientation.  You are welcome here -- your thoughts and feelings will be respected and, in many cases, validated, because, you are not alone.  

Some of us are new to the pain of losing our spouse and some have been working through their grief for awhile.  I lost my husband six months ago.  

I use this forum to write out my pain, grief, anger, loss and fear.  I have found angels here to help me through.  I hope you will too.

We are sorry for each new person who joins us -- but we are as happy as grieving partners can be, to be here for each other --- and for you.

Hugs.

Barbara

Comment by Marsha H on October 29, 2013 at 9:12pm

Hi Steve ...  My deep condolences on the recent passing of your spouse.  Sudden deaths are extremely difficult to deal with and you are not alone on here.  I'm so sorry you have had to join this forum, but you couldn't have come to a better place.

My husband of 45 years passed away from pancreatic cancer in 2011 and I am still dealing from the loss, but, slowly I am eking out a life for myself (retired with no children and a small immediate family) but, not a day goes by I don't think of the love of my life and every so often I still have a good cry.

The first year you will feel like you are in a fog-like state so please don't make any major decisions.  The second year is a bit easier because reality finally sets in.  Sometimes family or close friends may not come around as often simply because they don't know how to take our pain away and in some cases some feel one should be over the grief anywhere from 6 months to a year which simply isn't true and only a person who loses a spouse knows just how heart-wrenching the grief is.  However, we are all here for you (I call them my angels) and they have been here for me since the first year and picked me up when I'm had a bad day and still will do it.  We have become extended family and hopefully you will become part of us. 

You can say anything that is in your heart and no one judges you.  It's a relief!  Finally, people who understand the difficult grief of losing a spouse.

Hope to see you post again Steve. 

Big hug (because you need it)

Marsha

Comment by Jan on October 29, 2013 at 4:35pm
Steve. I'm so glad you found this site. There are so many great people in various stages of grief that can help you through your journey. Please come back often. I don't write much but I read every post and it does help me. No one truly understands your pain unless they have lost a spouse.
Comment by Steve Levin on October 29, 2013 at 2:44pm

Hi,

My name is Steve.  I suddenly and unexpectedly lost my partner of 21 years.  He had a heart attack last Friday while asleep.  I'm not sure how I'm feeling (numb, disoriented).  I  Ran across this site and signed up.  He was only 47 and in reasonably good health.  Friends have been awesome but it's not the same.  

Comment by Marsha H on October 29, 2013 at 2:08pm

Barbara ...  I  am glad you like the idea of the video that I hope your sister will make.  I only wish that my husband had left me a letter or video so I could have had that close to my heart after his passing.  We always have so many questions after they pass away.   I was lucky and did have a VHS of my husband's surprise birthday on a yacht and I heard his voice for the first time since he passed away.  What a gift! I remember every etching of his face, but had forgotten what his voice sounded like.

I am glad that your sister isn't coming to live with you until she absolutely needs to as it will give you a little more time to deal with your grieving process and give you a bit of rest.  I know so well how exhausting caregiving is. 

We're here for you Barbara and prayers are coming your way to give all of you the strength you will need.  If I can think of anything else I certainly will let you know.

 

 

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