Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by Mark Jackson on December 24, 2013 at 7:14pm

Not a good day today. It's been 3 months since Cathy went to be with her mom and dad. I thought that with working today it wouldn't be that but, I had to drive about 250 miles and that just gave me a lot of time to think about every thing that happened that day. I'm miss her so much. Every day I wake up I wonder why I'm still here, and think I'm one more day  closer to being with her again, and I can't wait for that day.

To every body here have a Merry Christmas and I pray for peace, and comfort for every body in the new year.

Comment by Diane C on December 24, 2013 at 9:46am

Thank you Barbara. That helped more than you know. I woke up this morning with a lighter heart. So I am hoping I resolved some of my feelings last night, I am sure with Rich's help. We are experiencing blizzard conditions right now. And of course I am worried about my daughter coming home from a night in Erie last night and then my brother is coming in from Pittsburgh. We are only expected to get a couple of inches of snow, but I still worry. But, it is beautiful to see snow on Christmas Eve. Take care Barbara, and Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Comment by Barbara Sullivan on December 24, 2013 at 7:14am

Dear Diane C-- you have been such a strength and help to me and I am so very sorry to hear that you are having a bad time, now.  It has been 8 months since Chris passed, and sometimes when I read that it has been a year or 2 years or even 4 years from someone here on Legacy, I think, "Oh, no!  How will I make it through the coming years without him."  But, you all tell me, and show me, that it is  day-by-day.

I am beginning to understand that time does NOT heal this pain -- but that it becomes part of my life experience -- part of who I am --

Take comfort, Diane, in knowing that you have made a difference, for me, and for others on Legacy.  I know its not enough -- but its something.  

Comment by Marsha H on December 24, 2013 at 5:27am

I came across this link and thought it may be of help to my American friends here:  It's about 'what is the new healthcare system.'

Comment by Diane C on December 23, 2013 at 9:53pm

Hi to all my wonderful friends and family here on Legacy. I am so sorry to have been absent for so long. I am having such a rough go of it this year. Just when you think, you are getting on the right track, damn... if the train doesn't move on to another track. This is my 2nd Christmas without my beloved husband. I think this year is so much worse than last year because he was only gone for 4 months last year. I was still deeply affected by the "fog state" that we are in. Please don't get me wrong, it was still so very hard then,  but this year is far worse for me. I was driving home from work this afternoon, bawling like never before. Begging Rich to come get me. I had to take my Mom (80 in January) shopping. My heart wasn't in it, but we had a nice time. She is a widow and truly understands. We had a talk about how hard this is. She assured me, that the pain does get softer. I will be entertaining my family tomorrow. (I volunteered, because being busy, keeps my mind busy) so, I hope my plan works.

I wish for all of you a blessed Holiday and good times and great memories with your family and great friends. I am so blessed to have found this site and such great FRIENDS!!!! I hope to be more active on here in 2014.

Love and Peace to each and every one of you!!!!

Comment by Helen Duncan Hutchinson on December 23, 2013 at 4:56pm

susa   Make the most of having your familly there.   They are a gift most previous at this time.   Bless you all.


Comment by janice foyt on December 23, 2013 at 4:42pm

Barbara and Helen,

I feel the same as everyone one here.  The pain is worse now than before.  Time does not help.  I do not know what to do with my life either.  Nor do I want to do anything.  I just want to go and be with Terry.  I took care of him 24/7 for over two years and now I just wander around the house without him.  This site is a great place.  Like I said...........I read all your posts but I have a hard time putting my feelings into words.  Thank you for writing to me.  Hugs Janice

Comment by Helen Duncan Hutchinson on December 23, 2013 at 12:34pm

Janice  We just made our 21st anniversary then 2 years later Morley collapsed at my feel.   He was the healthiest looking 77 year old you could ever have hoped to see.   Who could have guessed that this faulty blood vessel was sat in there just waiting and blew so violently that there was no hope at all for him.   It is nearly 4 years for me now and the pain of all the anniversaries have been worse this year than before (his birthday was on 6th Dec and our anniversary on 20th),    The pain seems worse now than at the beginning maybe because I now know that I can cry me a river so to speak and it will never bring him back.   The hard thing is in not knowing how long I have to last until we meet again.   I have an elderly friend whose son has terminal throat cancer and his wife has just been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer (already progressed to her bones|).   It is so unfair and my friend in nearly 90 and cannot make the journey to Australia where they live.   I sneakily wish one of the illnesses could have been wished on me though I have no doubt I would be terrified if they had been but I so want to go to Morley and I just wish it was the end of January and all the jingles in the shops and everyone rushing around wishing each other merry Christmas was over.   Mind you when Morley was alive we were part of that crowd as he loved Christmas and all the excitement (even had to have a stocking which I duly filled with knick  knacks during the year) and he was so excited opening them all up on Christmas morning).   This grief is the worst thing anyone can ever experience as there just seems no end to it.   I wish I could just go to sleep now and waken in Morley's arms.

Comment by Barbara Sullivan on December 23, 2013 at 8:48am

Frank and Janice -- Whether you are able to post or not, I want to encourage you to keep coming back to this site.  I know its hard sometimes to put words together -- that's why so many of us chide ourselves for rambling -- but, it helps me, just knowing that others are experiencing many of the same things that I am experiencing.  It helps to know that I am not the only one suffering panic attacks, anger at friends and loved ones, forgetfulness,  alternating between coping and not coping, feeling irrelevant and useless, purposeless -- it helps to know I am not losing my mind. 

So, share your feelings, if you can -- it doesn't matter here, whether you ramble, or make sense, or whatever-- and, if you can't, then, just read our posts and know that you are not alone, and your feelings are valid.  

Sending you love, hugs and prayers.

Comment by Barbara Sullivan on December 23, 2013 at 8:21am

Thanks Cheryl -- like you, I will just be glad when this holiday season is in the past.  

I have scrolling photos of Chris as a screen saver on my computer, and last night as I was having a particularly hard time wrapping a Christmas present, I happened to look over my shoulder and there, on the screen was a picture of Chris, laughing.   I couldn't help myself.  I laughed out loud and said, "Yes,  You go ahead and laugh at me, you silly sod!  This is your job, I'm doing here -- and doing it , badly!"

Chris always did all the gift wrapping -- while I stood by with the scissors, tape and gift tags -- then I would decorate the packages with ribbon, etc.  He was amazing with odd-shaped packages!

I just want it all to be over and done -- but, I am trying, for the family, and, especially, the children, to make it through, as best I can.

Here I am, two days before Christmas, with so much left to be done, and I have no heart for any of it -- but, I go on.  

Somehow we will all get through this -- as best we can -- each of us with our own memories, pain and sorrow -- each of us with whatever strength and grace God provides.

Loving you all -- thinking of you, and wishing you better days.


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