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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1376
Latest Conversations: Jul 17

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by janice foyt on December 23, 2013 at 5:15am

ALL FORUM FRIENDS,

Just want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and to thank you all for posting.  I read each and every post here but for some reason I cannot get words out of my head to write to you guys.  My husband passed away two months ago today and today would have been our 21st wedding anniversary.  I am so consumed with grief all the time and cannot seem to cope on a day to day basis even to the point that I cannot put words on a post!  I feel I am living a nightmare and just keep hoping I wake up and all this will go away.  Please keep posting.  

Hugs Janice

Comment by Carol Kayser on December 22, 2013 at 10:43pm
Dear Marsha. It seems we've all had the Sears experience! I think it's likely one of the only places left where we could go for everything. Well my dad loved to dress up but my Jack not so
much either! I think the clothes were more for me than him:). He only wanted electronics for Christmas!
I've been thinking, isn't it something that really we all treasure the same things in our relationships. It's quite beautiful. In its way it actually links us together even more.

Hugs,
Carol
Comment by Carol Kayser on December 22, 2013 at 10:35pm
Dear Frank, wishing you the best for Christmas and hoping you find some small measures of joy and peace.

Hugs,
Carol
Comment by Frank Andrews on December 22, 2013 at 7:59pm

CHERYL AND ALL FORUM FRIENDS,

 I HAVE NOT BEEN POSTING EITHER BECAUSE IT SEEMS AS THOUGH MY SECOND CHRISTMAS ALONE IS WORSE THAN LAST YEAR AND JUST DO NOT LIKE TO BE NEGATIVE OR FURTHER DEPRESS OTHERS. I AM BACK TO TAKING IT DAY BY DAY AND LIKE YOU, SO MANY LITTLE THINGS ARE REMINDERS OF WHAT I HAVE LOST,,,,BUT AS MARSHA OFTEN QUOTES...IT IS BETTER TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST THAN NEVER TO HAVE LOVED AT ALL. SHE FULLFILLED MY LIFE AND SAVED ME.  WISHING ALL THE BEST AND MOST PEACEFUL CHRISTMAS POSSIBLE.

Comment by Marsha H on December 22, 2013 at 2:49pm

Dear Barbara ...  I detest going through the men's clothing department as well when once I use to love buying clothes for Ernie just like you did for Brian.  I try to skirt around anything to do with men's fashions, etc.  I longingly look at other women buying for their husbands and I get teary-eyed.

I don't think any of us should doubt that we showed our spouses in many ways that we loved them with all our hearts. They knew just as we know they loved us.  That's why it's so important to run with all the wise things we learned from them and the love and good memories they gave us.  I call it 'pay it forward' because I use the wisdom Ernie gave me to pass on to others.  It keeps their memories alive.

I hope you are feeling better my friend and yes, tears may come and go, but we'll get through this holiday season and we should be proud of ourselves for doing so.  Time does heal.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on December 22, 2013 at 2:43pm

Carol ...  I was in Sears two weeks ago and the entrance I go through is right by the men's department and of course the tears started to come.  I would always buy him clothes there, but suddenly remembered like a child at Christmas the clothes were the last thing he wanted.  LOL  I made him like them!  LOL 

I really miss small children in the family (all grown now, my 2 nephews not married so no children there.)  My Goddaughter is now 24. 

I agree Carol that during this holiday season we should keep in touch and we are extended family where we should gather together to hold up those who are dear to us on this forum when they are down.  Giving and loving each other is the best gifts we can give each other and it doesn't stop after Christmas.

Love & Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on December 22, 2013 at 2:38pm

Dear Carol ...  You are so right that simple pleasures are what we remember the most and who would have guessed while our loves were with us. Ernie and I would do what you and Jack did and take the dogs for a walk and sometimes go for dinner at a restaurant every so often.  At first the memories hurt the heart, but eventually it brings a smile to my face just knowing I was so lucky to have had those memories.

It is true (I do it often) that if it's quiet at home I close my eyes and can feel Ernie close to me.  He was such a big man and I miss his huge arms around me making me fell loved and protected and just for a few seconds I can feel that all over again.  Sometimes I think my Guardian Angels are rolling their eyes because I frustrate them!  LOL  I do believe we are watched over and given strength.  We are not alone!

It's great you are acting like a child ... all of us should do that more often ...go out and build a snowman, make angels in the snow or walk in the rain and skip through puddles. When Ernie was still here and we had our first fall of snow I would bundle up and race outside to the front lawn and collapse making angels I the snow and he would laugh his head off.  This year I just didn't seem to have that spunk, but perhaps next year.  If we give up that 'child' in us we give up a lot.  Hug Abby for me.

Have a wonderful Christmas my friend and wish your family the best.

Love & Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on December 22, 2013 at 2:31pm

Helen and Mac ...  My thoughts and prayers are with you both.  I know this holiday season is especially difficult for both of you, but throughout our many posts on this forum I do see strength coming from both of you.  The Christmas Season is very emotional for everyone ... some people are lonely, others reflect of what use to be and many others are missing a loved one. 

I hope both of you believe that your spouses are close by in spirit and giving you strength.  Grasp onto that fact and try to hold it close to your heart.  I am always here for both of you so if you need to talk just email and I'll be there through the holiday season.

Big hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on December 22, 2013 at 2:25pm

Dear Cheryl ...  how sweet of you to wish us the best through this holiday season which as we all know is a tough one for most of us.  Even for those who have spouses and family the Christmas Season can make some people feel depressed or sad and some lonely so now we have that and the grieving process on top of it.  Like you I can cry over the memories, but also can smile at how much my husband loved to get together with family and friends, the two of us decorating the tree and of course he always drooled when he heard the word 'turkey.'  LOL

I understand it sometimes feels like the harder you try the worse it gets, but I see through your posts making strides in your life and I'm so proud of you.  Just getting up in the morning to start a new day we should get a medal for.  You are going through the toughest year with all those memories and of course we go through a time when we fear the future without them.  I always told Ernie that no matter how tough things got in life we would beat it because we had each other.  Now I feel lonely, unprotected since he's gone, but I know he is with me in spirit and watching out for me and I go on in his memory.  I found the second year a little easier as the crying spells I went through weren't as frequent and I was able to tolerate getting out of my comfort zone a little, but not 100% yet.  I just had two different buffets; one for my immediate family and last night one for 4 of my close and dear friends and although everyone enjoyed themselves I found I was reflecting back to my sweetheart and realized he was probably there in spirit smiling down and eavesdropping.  LOL  It was hard on me having those buffets, but at the same time I felt a sense of moving forward in this new chapter of my life.  There will be good/bad days, but even when or spouses were with us we still had those type of days.  I too have to watch my anxiety level and eventually for you the panic attacks will cease when you are into a different phase of your grief. 

I hope you do have some joy over the holidays Cheryl.  Bless you and all on here that we all can have some peace and joy during the holidays and we are kept safe and warm.

Yes, one day at a time and one baby step at a time.  We got this far and we'll continue to improve as time does heal although our spouses will forever be in our hearts.

Hugs & God Bless

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on December 22, 2013 at 2:11pm

Dear Barbara ...  Anything our spouses loved to do on the holidays as a tradition should be kept alive because it brought such joy to our hearts and should be passed down to the family.  I believe Chris is near you enjoying those 'pops' from the crackers.  Keep up the tradition my friend.  The memory may hurt for now, but it does get better.  I still put up a Christmas tree in memory of Ernie as he loved Christmas just like I did.  I still have our private Christmas on Christmas Eve ... just my dogs and myself, but I refuse to blot out that memory and hope he is there in spirit.

Although we miss our spouses adult children and grandchildren are to be blessed and traditions handed down in family.  I only have a small immediate family and no small children to fuss over and I really miss the look of awe on little faces. 

Hugs

Marsha

 

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