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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1376
Latest Conversations: Sep 29

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by janice foyt on December 23, 2013 at 4:42pm

Barbara and Helen,

I feel the same as everyone one here.  The pain is worse now than before.  Time does not help.  I do not know what to do with my life either.  Nor do I want to do anything.  I just want to go and be with Terry.  I took care of him 24/7 for over two years and now I just wander around the house without him.  This site is a great place.  Like I said...........I read all your posts but I have a hard time putting my feelings into words.  Thank you for writing to me.  Hugs Janice

Comment by Helen Duncan Hutchinson on December 23, 2013 at 12:34pm

Janice  We just made our 21st anniversary then 2 years later Morley collapsed at my feel.   He was the healthiest looking 77 year old you could ever have hoped to see.   Who could have guessed that this faulty blood vessel was sat in there just waiting and blew so violently that there was no hope at all for him.   It is nearly 4 years for me now and the pain of all the anniversaries have been worse this year than before (his birthday was on 6th Dec and our anniversary on 20th),    The pain seems worse now than at the beginning maybe because I now know that I can cry me a river so to speak and it will never bring him back.   The hard thing is in not knowing how long I have to last until we meet again.   I have an elderly friend whose son has terminal throat cancer and his wife has just been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer (already progressed to her bones|).   It is so unfair and my friend in nearly 90 and cannot make the journey to Australia where they live.   I sneakily wish one of the illnesses could have been wished on me though I have no doubt I would be terrified if they had been but I so want to go to Morley and I just wish it was the end of January and all the jingles in the shops and everyone rushing around wishing each other merry Christmas was over.   Mind you when Morley was alive we were part of that crowd as he loved Christmas and all the excitement (even had to have a stocking which I duly filled with knick  knacks during the year) and he was so excited opening them all up on Christmas morning).   This grief is the worst thing anyone can ever experience as there just seems no end to it.   I wish I could just go to sleep now and waken in Morley's arms.

Comment by Barbara Sullivan on December 23, 2013 at 8:48am

Frank and Janice -- Whether you are able to post or not, I want to encourage you to keep coming back to this site.  I know its hard sometimes to put words together -- that's why so many of us chide ourselves for rambling -- but, it helps me, just knowing that others are experiencing many of the same things that I am experiencing.  It helps to know that I am not the only one suffering panic attacks, anger at friends and loved ones, forgetfulness,  alternating between coping and not coping, feeling irrelevant and useless, purposeless -- it helps to know I am not losing my mind. 

So, share your feelings, if you can -- it doesn't matter here, whether you ramble, or make sense, or whatever-- and, if you can't, then, just read our posts and know that you are not alone, and your feelings are valid.  

Sending you love, hugs and prayers.

Comment by Barbara Sullivan on December 23, 2013 at 8:21am

Thanks Cheryl -- like you, I will just be glad when this holiday season is in the past.  

I have scrolling photos of Chris as a screen saver on my computer, and last night as I was having a particularly hard time wrapping a Christmas present, I happened to look over my shoulder and there, on the screen was a picture of Chris, laughing.   I couldn't help myself.  I laughed out loud and said, "Yes,  You go ahead and laugh at me, you silly sod!  This is your job, I'm doing here -- and doing it , badly!"

Chris always did all the gift wrapping -- while I stood by with the scissors, tape and gift tags -- then I would decorate the packages with ribbon, etc.  He was amazing with odd-shaped packages!

I just want it all to be over and done -- but, I am trying, for the family, and, especially, the children, to make it through, as best I can.

Here I am, two days before Christmas, with so much left to be done, and I have no heart for any of it -- but, I go on.  

Somehow we will all get through this -- as best we can -- each of us with our own memories, pain and sorrow -- each of us with whatever strength and grace God provides.

Loving you all -- thinking of you, and wishing you better days.

Comment by janice foyt on December 23, 2013 at 5:15am

ALL FORUM FRIENDS,

Just want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and to thank you all for posting.  I read each and every post here but for some reason I cannot get words out of my head to write to you guys.  My husband passed away two months ago today and today would have been our 21st wedding anniversary.  I am so consumed with grief all the time and cannot seem to cope on a day to day basis even to the point that I cannot put words on a post!  I feel I am living a nightmare and just keep hoping I wake up and all this will go away.  Please keep posting.  

Hugs Janice

Comment by Carol Kayser on December 22, 2013 at 10:43pm
Dear Marsha. It seems we've all had the Sears experience! I think it's likely one of the only places left where we could go for everything. Well my dad loved to dress up but my Jack not so
much either! I think the clothes were more for me than him:). He only wanted electronics for Christmas!
I've been thinking, isn't it something that really we all treasure the same things in our relationships. It's quite beautiful. In its way it actually links us together even more.

Hugs,
Carol
Comment by Carol Kayser on December 22, 2013 at 10:35pm
Dear Frank, wishing you the best for Christmas and hoping you find some small measures of joy and peace.

Hugs,
Carol
Comment by Frank Andrews on December 22, 2013 at 7:59pm

CHERYL AND ALL FORUM FRIENDS,

 I HAVE NOT BEEN POSTING EITHER BECAUSE IT SEEMS AS THOUGH MY SECOND CHRISTMAS ALONE IS WORSE THAN LAST YEAR AND JUST DO NOT LIKE TO BE NEGATIVE OR FURTHER DEPRESS OTHERS. I AM BACK TO TAKING IT DAY BY DAY AND LIKE YOU, SO MANY LITTLE THINGS ARE REMINDERS OF WHAT I HAVE LOST,,,,BUT AS MARSHA OFTEN QUOTES...IT IS BETTER TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST THAN NEVER TO HAVE LOVED AT ALL. SHE FULLFILLED MY LIFE AND SAVED ME.  WISHING ALL THE BEST AND MOST PEACEFUL CHRISTMAS POSSIBLE.

Comment by Marsha H on December 22, 2013 at 2:49pm

Dear Barbara ...  I detest going through the men's clothing department as well when once I use to love buying clothes for Ernie just like you did for Brian.  I try to skirt around anything to do with men's fashions, etc.  I longingly look at other women buying for their husbands and I get teary-eyed.

I don't think any of us should doubt that we showed our spouses in many ways that we loved them with all our hearts. They knew just as we know they loved us.  That's why it's so important to run with all the wise things we learned from them and the love and good memories they gave us.  I call it 'pay it forward' because I use the wisdom Ernie gave me to pass on to others.  It keeps their memories alive.

I hope you are feeling better my friend and yes, tears may come and go, but we'll get through this holiday season and we should be proud of ourselves for doing so.  Time does heal.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on December 22, 2013 at 2:43pm

Carol ...  I was in Sears two weeks ago and the entrance I go through is right by the men's department and of course the tears started to come.  I would always buy him clothes there, but suddenly remembered like a child at Christmas the clothes were the last thing he wanted.  LOL  I made him like them!  LOL 

I really miss small children in the family (all grown now, my 2 nephews not married so no children there.)  My Goddaughter is now 24. 

I agree Carol that during this holiday season we should keep in touch and we are extended family where we should gather together to hold up those who are dear to us on this forum when they are down.  Giving and loving each other is the best gifts we can give each other and it doesn't stop after Christmas.

Love & Hugs

Marsha

 

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