Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on November 7, 2013 at 3:28am

Stacey ...  I'm sorry you had to go through all that worry, but happy your mom is home and resting. I am sure she will be just fine.  Was praying for all of you.



Comment by stacey on November 6, 2013 at 10:25pm

Well my mom is at home resting so that's good news. Then we get recovery and other doctors appointments next.  

Comment by Marsha H on November 6, 2013 at 7:25pm

Hi Mark ...  Thanks for letting us know how things went for you.  No matter if there are 5 or 10 people there remember you are there for the same reason.  Glad you are going to contact the Senior's Center to see what other options you have to fill in that extra week you won't be going to grief counseling; I find that strange as mine was once a week at Hospice.  After 4 weeks I just felt more depressed because they had a mixture of people grieving; parents, grandparents, children and it just didn't fit with the 3 widows there (one man who only came once.)  I so glad you felt comfortable with the group and had someone listen to you.

I won't forget your birthday Mark.  I know it doesn't seem the same without Cathy.  When my husband passed away if he had lived we'd have been celebrating our 40th wedding anniversary, his birthday and mine is Jan. 10th and I turned 70.  It was a rough go as far as the 40th wedding anniversary, but surprised myself that his birthday and mine didn't bother me as much.

Mark, you are perfectly normal in your grieving and most of detest the special occasions we once shared with our spouses and sometimes weekends and especially long weekends can be daunting as well.  It's very normal.

The first Christmas I had without my sweetheart I actually bought a Christmas tree and decorated it and did a little decorating on the fireplace mantle.  Ernie and I would have our own private Christmas on Christmas Eve and I was shocked that I didn't feel so sad as I experienced (believe it or not) him standing over by the wall unit with his elbow on the wall unit smiling at myself and the dogs.  He looked like a million stars all put together so I recognized him.  Now I know counselors or books written about grieving say we may see things or hear things that are not there, but from reading and researching I find that is not impossible at all.  Say what they want because they don't even understand the grief people go through 100%.  I didn't cry, but felt a great sense of relief coming over me.  You may not want to do the same thing at Christmas (each individual is different) but I did in memory of my Ernie and also to keep routine in my life.  I finally broke down and bought an artificial tree and I put that up now.  I seldom have anyone over to enjoy it, but routine helps. 

You never ramble enough and it's just good to get things out of your system. 


Comment by stacey on November 6, 2013 at 5:08pm

Barbara- thanks for all the thoughts and prayers I'm sure she'll be fine but I still worry. she's a tough cookie and so am I, I just feel a little lost sometimes when everything goes wrong at one time. we could all use a big uphill of good stuff from time to time and I've had all that stuff happen to me to that happened to you in slightly different ways so I know its just frustrating. 

Comment by Mark Jackson on November 6, 2013 at 4:59pm

Sorry I didn't post about the support group Tuesday. It was not a good day. The group I went to Monday night was OK. At least it wasn't at the hospital. It was a small group only 5 people there that night. They said most of the time it's about 10 people. I'm glad it was small, I don't do well in big groups. We just went a round the room and everyone talked about there week, the ups and downs. I was able to share a little about Cathy, before I broke down. It was kind of nice to just have someone set and listen. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. The only thing Is they only meet every 2 weeks. I'll have to try and find something else, to go along with this group. I still have to contact the seniors center to see what they might offer, I know I'm going to need all the help I can get in the next 2 months. 

My birthday is the 15 of this month. then Cathy's mom's birthday is the 22 she past away 2 years ago, then Thanksgiving. I think I'll be OK for all of them. It's the next 2 months that will be the hardest. Christmas, then our anniversary is on the 29. It would have been 34 years. Then in January 17 is Cathy's birthday. Not looking forward to any of it. Is that bad. I don't know anymore. Well I know one thing for sure, I'll be posting here a lot. OK I've rambled enough for now. 


Comment by Barbara Sullivan on November 6, 2013 at 4:44pm

Dear Stacey -- Sending prayers and positive thoughts for your Mom -- and it sounds like she has a few positive thoughts of her own -- gotta' love that kind of spunk.

I  have had some experiences like yours since losing my husband 7 months ago -- trees that had been standing for years suddenly fell down around my house in a storm, broken garage door opener, flat tires on my riding lawn mower, had a recall notice on my car, plumbing problems that included water pouring through my kitchen ceiling, and my sister diagnosed with inoperable, incurable cancer.

Somehow, I am managing to stay sane -- mostly by coming here on the Legacy site and getting lots of encouragement, advice and HUGS -- so I'm sending a big HUG to you.

Hang in there -- and don't forget to take care of YOU. 

Comment by Carol Kayser on November 6, 2013 at 9:35am
That's funny Stacey - great attitude!! If course, she's your mom, a precious part of your life!

Comment by stacey on November 6, 2013 at 9:29am

Good morning Carol! Thanks my moms not to worried about today she said "God has my back and the doctors have my front" :) funny if you think about it that way. So I'm trying not to worry to much but it's there she's my mom.

Comment by Carol Kayser on November 6, 2013 at 9:27am
Morning Marsha. Thanks for the tire advice! I have Michelins on my Ford Escape. They are all season. I may have them checked before winter hits. Driving up to Whistler for Christmas. You never know about those roads.
Cities build and build, more people out and about. Just heard Vancouver is #1 for traffic congestion, beating L.A.!!
I'll give you an update after dentist on Thursday!
Have a good day!
Comment by Carol Kayser on November 6, 2013 at 9:20am
Good morning Stacey. Really sorry to hear about your mom and friend. That's hard news to hear. Not what you need. As for your friend it isn't your fault at all but sounds like she is a little desperate and frustrated. Perhaps you could gently suggest she find more work, if it doesn't impact you and Damien.
Car shopping is difficult, hoping that works out for you soon.
Sending prayers for a good outcome for your mom. Prayers also for your friend.
Try to focus on your mom - positive thoughts:)


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