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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1371
Latest Conversations: Oct 15

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on October 24, 2013 at 3:27am

Carol ...  don't think the poor guy will be back... you know ... Halloween and all.  LOL 

Thanks my dear friend for clarifying my forgetfulness every so often as it worries me sometimes.  I do have a lot on my plate right now and have been busy.  Also trying to put my life into some kind of perspective and want to try and start the New Year with more positive things (if possible.)

Hope things are going well for you.  We JUST HAVE TO get together before the weather gets worse. 

Love & Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on October 24, 2013 at 3:22am

MikeF ... Glad to hear you are doing OK. 

Believe it or not you are getting stronger, out of that fog we were all in and my second year reality set in and some days were harder than others, but the old saying 'time does heal' (to a degree) rings true.  You are so lucky to have work to return to after your Molly passed away.  I'm retired and find it very difficult not having a job to go to so I can get my mind off things so I have to find other ways to get up and moving.  I'm so happy to hear you got a Golden Retriever and pets are so comforting with a loyalty that is never ending.  I have two small dogs ..  Tootsie who is BishnxPoodle (10 years old) and a male Cockapoo named Booker T (8 years old) and they force me to get out and walk them when sometimes I use to feel like just pulling the covers over my head each morning I woke up.  They give triple the love back that we give them. 

I understand how much you miss your beloved Molly and the old life we had with our spouses.  I think you have an extremely wise perspective on grief and the passing of Molly ... they have taught a lesson (however cruel it may seem) to 'stop and smell the flowers' and to unclutter our lives.  I have learned the same things as you have from my Ernie. I have a saying, 'clean out your closet each year' which simply means looking at your life and letting some people in your life go that are not true friends and keeping those that are close to your heart and telling them every so often how much you appreciate and love them and family is included in this as well.  I'm also happy to hear you don't work excessive hours as it's not worth it in the end and you miss so much of the wonderful things life has to offer. Your mother is going to be so thrilled that you are going to keep in touch with her more often and no matter how old you are you will always be her little boy.  Ernie's and my parents have passed away, but I was caregiver and did have time for them (gave up my job) and never regretted it.  Of course I know you can't do that.

Like you, I still find it difficult to feel joy when I am out with family or friends, but I can feel it slowly stirring deep down and it just takes time.  It's another chapter of our life.

I think those of us that miss our spouses so much have been so very lucky as many people never experience a love like that.  The old saying, 'tis better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all' rings true.  As painful as it is for me to look at old pictures of Ernie and I having so much fun in our lives I realize just how lucky I was to have had them.

You hang in there Mike and little by little the severe pain of grief will subside and you'll be able to think of Molly without the intense grief. 

Comment by MikeF on October 23, 2013 at 10:36pm

Marsha:

Yes, I am doing OK.  Thanks for asking.

It is close to 10 months since Molly pass away.  The fog has lifted quite a bit, depression comes and goes in cycles, but no joy has returned to my life.  I returned to work two weeks after Molly passed and it has been an OK distraction.  I adopted a  4 1/2 yr old Golden Retriever in July and she finds a way of keeping me active and fills my weekends and evenings with walking and petting.

I miss Molly tremendously and I miss many parts of my old life.  Losing Molly has added a new perspective on what is important and what is not.  I try to weed out the stuff that is no longer important (like working excessive hours) and continue to try to find important things (like staying in contact with my 88 year old mother) to fill the void that losing Molly has left. 

Comment by Carol Kayser on October 23, 2013 at 4:14pm

Marsha! First I loved your story! I was thinking when your neighbor sees you again he will be like "wow, is that the same lady" LOL....I am sure you dress up real nice!

Being forgetful - for sure that will happen when you have so much on your plate.  I wouldn't worry about it one bit.

Now when you don't remember where you live welll.....

LOL:)

Hugs!

Comment by Marsha H on October 23, 2013 at 2:49pm

To all:  You are going to get a kick out of this one coming from me, but is it normal to be forgetful such as getting days mixed up?  I'm just wondering as I'm one day ahead of myself this week.  Have had lots to deal with lately. 

\

Comment by Marsha H on October 23, 2013 at 2:47pm

Cheryl ...  It's wonderful to see your post and always happy to see you drop in to check on us.  Thank you for your kind words.

I hope and pray life is kinder to you these days.  Don't be a stranger. We all needs those prayers and bless your heart.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on October 23, 2013 at 2:46pm

Chicago Beard ...  Glad you enjoyed my story and got a chuckle out of it. The real me could become a real ugly scene!  LOL  I sure did learn my lesson!  Hey, I'm falling apart here so I'd better meet someone while I still have some body parts left.  LOL  Not making good impressions these days.

Hope things are well with you.

Comment by Helen Duncan Hutchinson on October 23, 2013 at 11:20am

To all of you who are in any way reluctant to fully express your grief in case it hurts us older members of the legacy please don't be.  We have all been where you are now (indeed in many ways I am still there 3 years later) so we REALLY do know what you are going through and most of the friends of all of us don't.   My best friend has said (not to be I must add) that she is fed up with my grieving, I should be over it by now and am just feeling sorry for myself.   I wish she would read up on post traumatic stress then she might have a better understanding of why I am not "better".   If I hadn't felt able to "let it all out" on legacy, I think I would either have committed suicide or been in a straight jacket so I (for one and i think all the others would agree) that this is what legacy is all about - you can vent everything and anything and no one will think any the less of you or criticise you.   Just let it rip.   We all understand exactly what you are feeling.

Comment by Chicago Beard on October 23, 2013 at 8:50am

Marsha

Just read your little shower story. LOL. Well at least he knows the real you.

Comment by cheryl holbrook on October 23, 2013 at 8:50am

hello all, I have not posted in awhile but do think of each one alot.

to the new ones , like others have said so sorry for your loss and that you have to find support here with us. There are different stages of grief here. I lost my Mike after 33 yrs of marriage, just 7 months ago. Its the hardest and most stressful thing I have ever had to deal with in my life. 

Diane - hope things are going good with your house.

Mark - I know what you mean I was just thinking about Mikes laugh the other day and in my writting (therapy for me)  I wrote on those things and more.

Marsha - always the encourager.

To all of you I pray the Lord will meet your need where you need it most at this time .. Always Cheryl   ((hugs))

 

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