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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Comment by Carol Kayser on December 2, 2013 at 11:28pm

Dear Susan, Christy and Robert, I also welcome you here to a safe place where you can share your feelings and not be judged.  It's a comforting feeling to know others feel similar feelings from the loss of a spouse.  We are all grieving in our own ways and stages.  Strangely things that wouldn't have bothered me before I lost my husband now bring me to tears.  As with Diane, I miss my husband more and more each day. 

Susan - very sorry for your loss.  I used to say I was alone adrift in a lifeboat so I understand that comparison.   Slowly I've been able to get back to shore, 3 years later but it takes time, only time.  I couldn't cope for the longest time, and now I can say I am.  So baby steps on the journey.  Come back often to talk and we will offer support.

Christy, you are so young to have lost your husband, so very sorry.  Not that a loss at any age isn't a tragedy in itself but to be so young and with a young child.  It is beautiful that your son sings sometimes at his graveside, I find that very touching.  I have a granddaughter 2 1/2 and she asks me if she can sing to me, my heart practically burts out of my chest with love.  So I think your husband is singing right along with him.

Robert - so very sorry for the loss of your husband.  It is very hard to feel so lonely.  You can share here and get virtual hugs.  I hope you will reach out in your community so you don't feel so alone. 

 

Hugs,

Carol

 

 

Comment by Diane C on December 2, 2013 at 7:32pm

I would like to welcome Susan, Christy and Robert to this site. We are a mix of wonderful, caring people. We are in every stage of this journey called grief. Unfortunately we all happen upon this site for the same sad reason. I lost my wonderful husband of 25 years, 16 months ago to pancreatic cancer. He was diagnosed in July of 2011 and passed away on 8-1-12, our 25th wedding anniversary. I miss him more and more. It seems that lately, probably in anticipation of the holidays, it has gotten worse for me. I was preoccupied most of this summer with some other issues, and now I am back to mostly grieving. Not sure if I am making up for lost time or what. Again, welcome and feel free to say what is on your mind.

Diane

Comment by Robert Stewart on December 2, 2013 at 6:44pm

Tomorrow marks 2 months since I lost my husband of 24yrs. My heart aches. I am so lonely, my friends have all gone back to their lives Which I understand, but at the same time, pisses me off because now is when I need them the most. I've tried finding local grief groups but they seem to only meet once a month. I feel an emptiness that cannot be filled.

Comment by Christy on December 2, 2013 at 1:08pm
I am Christy, a 30 year old momma to a soon to be seven year old handsome little boy. I find myself pacing the floors at times and staring off shaking my head into the distance. I feel like the world looks at me as a crazy person, and I don't know how to truly be sociable anymore. Almost two years ago on December 22nd I walked in to pick up my hisbamd to go get the last of christmas presents for our son and my world hd been empty since that moment. I miss my Best Friend I miss my husband god Miss my partner! My son stares out alot and even songs to his grave at times. I am strong but deep down a big mess and angry at life.
Comment by Helen Duncan Hutchinson on December 2, 2013 at 12:23pm

Susan    I am sorry to have to welcome you on to this group that no one really wants to be on because the worst thing that can ever happen to you has happened - you have lost the love of your life.   Like you Morley (my husband) and I were together 24/7 and he literally was my life.   We have no children hence no family to ease the pain.   My husband died nearly 4 years ago and the pain is still the same.   He dropped dead from an aortic aneurysm and they say he was dead before he hit the floor.   Before that perfect health.   I have had every trite comment said to me over the last 3 plus years from"get over it" (after 3 weeks) to I don't want to meet you if you are going to be sad and speak of your husband.   Everyone grieves at their own pace and in their own way.   I, personally don't think I will every really come to terms with my loss and I wish I could offer you some real hope of joy ahead but there are some people of the forum who seem to be able to do just that.   Anyway we will never tell you to get over it and I am so sorry for your loss.   come on here and vent your feelings whenever and however you want.   You will find a willing ear.

Helen

Comment by Marsha H on November 30, 2013 at 9:37pm

MikeF ...  You put everything into perspective and thank you for the beautiful post as Christmas isn't about gifts, but about those who love us and what we can do for those in need.

I'm thankful for my small immediate family with all it their little quirks

I feel blessed to have my faithful girlfriend stand by my side this 2 1/2 years through thick and thin.

I'm thankful for the few friends who remained loyal to me so I will trust again to make new ones.

I'm blessed to have found this website and met all of you, some who I have become close to and feel I've known them personally and all special to my heart.

I'm blessed that I have the strength to reach out and help others and give in the memory of my husband. 

There are so many blessings if we only stand still enough to look around and always miracles that are just around the corner if we wish to see the signs.

Love & Peace to all

Marsha

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Comment by Carol Kayser on November 30, 2013 at 1:11pm
Dear all. Though our Canadian Thanksgiving is long gone and Christmas is looming, I like reading the posts about being thankful. It takes inner strength to recognize that despite our losses we still have love in our lives. It was affirmed for me yesterday and it felt good indeed.
Our 40th wedding anniversary would be December 31st. Hard to imagine! I think I will go to church and light a candle for us:) I feel close to my darling when I do.
I can honestly say I am looking forward to Christmas though this year. My little Abby will be almost 2 and a half and an absolute joy! Plus we get to see my husband's sister and family this year.
So I do feel blessed.

I took the plunge too and bought a new car! Bit nerve wracking but glad I have. I have precious cargo aboard (Abby) and need to be safe out there! 2013 Escape with all the bells & whistles.

Hugs,
Carol
Comment by MikeF on November 30, 2013 at 10:03am

As Thursday closed, I decided to look at the things I could give thanks for:

- The support of my sister who has been checking up on me and inviting me to visit often.

- My mom's continuing health.

- For the text message, phone calls and invites to share Groupons from one of Molly's friends.

- For Molly's family and their desire to keep me as part of the group; her mom's invites for dinner on Friday nights and help watching my dog when I have to come home late from work; her brother and his wife's desire to really listen to how I feel and ask good questions to keep me talking; and her other brother and his wife's help with distractions during the year.

- For the Golden Retriever that I adopted from the local humane society and her innate ability to help me focus on the important stuff (petting, long walks, playing ball in the yard).  And

- For Wellness House (the local cancer support organization that runs to bereavement groups that I attend).

Molly and I rotated between our family's for the holidays.  When we stayed in the area we hosted Thanksgiving dinner. This year would have been our turn to head to Wisconsin to be fed by my family.  I made the 3 hour trip with my dog, as we've done three or four times this year.  We went out to an early lunch (which although good does not have that emotional attachment of sitting around the family table).  So, in all, the day really was not much different than other trips to visit I've made this year.

I am anticipating that Christmas will be much tougher. Molly's birthday is December 23rd and she passed away on December 29th.  So there are lots of memories and emotions that will be stirred up around the Christmas holiday.  Then again, I have family and friends who know this and are already offering to help keep me afloat.

Watching posts here, I know that I am fortunate to have these things.  I have lost contact with some of Molly's friends over the year but all in all, I have a pretty good network. 

Comment by Roseanne Rogach on November 30, 2013 at 12:34am

I am sorry for all of us going through Thanksgiving without our loving spouse.  I had decided to host dinner to keep myself busy - it was a good decision and I made it through the day with only a few breakdowns.  I visited Bill in the morning after mass and had a good long cry then came home to start the festivities.  There were a few teary eyed moments with guests but we came through okay.  My brother and his family stayed over and helped to put the house back in order.  My brother also brought our two Christmas trees up from the basement and set them up for me.  Three of my nieces came by in the afternoon to help decorate.  I wasn't sure I wanted to put up any decorations but the lights twinkle so peacefully I am glad they pushed it.  I am thankful to have loving and supportive people around me to help me through this hellish journey.  Peace and prayers for all of you.

Comment by Mark Jackson on November 29, 2013 at 8:17pm

I'm sorry some of you had a hard day yesterday. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be., there were moments though.  Cathy did the cooking with me in shall we say a supporting roll. I looked forward to spending the day with her in the kitchen. Cathy got so much joy out of bring our family's together. She was the glue that held us all together. Then after everybody was gone she would plane out the shopping for the next day. I so do not like shopping on black Friday. But I'd do anything for her.  So this year my dad, sister and I went out for breakfast. I came back home just long enough to change and was gone the rest of the day. I just couldn't stay home by myself. I did work up enough strength, and I guess you could say nerve to take Cathy some flowers and talk to her for awhile. That was the hardest thing I had to do. Then I went to my boss's home, and then my pastors for dessert. But the second hard thing I had to was to come home to a empty home. I did better then I thought I would. I only broke down a couple of times after I left Cathy.  I wish, like some of you I could just go to bed, pull the covers over my until March. Not going to happen though. I'm just glad we all made it though this holiday. Just remember one step at a time.

Your all in my prayers.

Mark

 

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