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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1371
Latest Conversations: 16 hours ago

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on October 13, 2013 at 2:44pm

Helen ...  Believe it or not we know how you feel.  Sometimes life just knocks us for a loop, but then another day we can feel driven and full of energy.  Take time out to rest and PLEASE get out and start walking.  When I feel depressed or very alone I go out for walks and it clears the mind.  Know we are always here for you and you know I'm there for you 100% so email me anytime.

Love & Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on October 13, 2013 at 2:42pm

Carol ...  I'm soooo proud of you for cooking Thanksgiving dinner!  Heck, I'm just baking crescent rolls to take to my brothers and I'm terrified I'm going to burn them.  LOL  I couldn't handle even a group of people here for a visit.  I do hope that changes.  I miss having Ernie around as he'd always help me and after I took the turkey out of the oven he'd try sneak pieces of it and I would laugh, but give him heck for it.  He was a turkey man!  LOL

Bless you and your family for the blessings we do have this Thanksgiving.

Love & Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on October 13, 2013 at 2:38pm

Wilela & my Canadian friends ...  HAPPY THANKSGIVING.  I know the word THANKSGIVING may mean little to some of us because we miss our spouses so much, but it's wonderful to read the posts and know that we are all striving to do a little something or a lot of things for Thanksgiving in memory of our spouses.  Yes, we miss them, but I do believe with all my heart they are with us.

Wilela, what a wonderful idea of having that candle with your sweetheart's picture on it.  I wish I had come up with that idea.

Love & Hugs to all

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on October 13, 2013 at 2:34pm

Barbara ... One thing grief is ... heart-breaking and can blind-side anyone of us.  We have our good and bad days and everything you are feeling is very normal.  You may feel afraid, spaced out, foggy-headed, napping during the day, sleeping too much or not enough, crying off and on, some small thing may just set you off into crying (reminding you of your beloved husband), feelings of disorientation or, when out with a group a people feeling like your body is there, but your mind and spirit isn't.  Feeling nothing will fill the hole in heart.  Eating too much or not enough or it zig zags up and down.  Being able to take care of bills, etc., on a given day, but perhaps not another day.  Confusion, not wanting to see people or talk or sometimes talking on the phone or the need to get out and mingle with others (strangers in a store) and I've done that.  I need to feel life if still around me.  Sometimes it's difficult to commit to certain events because you just don't know how you will feel on that given day (I'm still like that, but push myself.)

This forum is fantastic Barbara for letting us know how others feel and that we are not going crazy or giving up.  It has saved me many times and I consider all of you angels that keep me pointed in the right direction.  If you noticed a post from our dear Faith she has been kind enough to let us know she is finally healing over her loss to try and work into the future.  She gave us hope!

I loved the story of you telling me about your husband's accent  Yes, it was difficult, yet wonderful to see my handsome husband having such a good time and hearing his voice, but it brought me to my knees at the same time.  It also validated to me that I loved and respected him and when he was happy so was I.  I wish all of you could see the DVD.  I won't watch it for awhile, but it's there.  Perhaps in the future you'll find something with your husband's voice on it; a relative may have a video of some special occasion.  I didn't know I had this video I had made into a DVD. I'd forgotten all about it. 

I wish you a wonderful weekend my friend and I'll be on the forum during the weekend.  Know you are stronger than you think and that as time goes by you will get stronger.

Big hugs

Marsha

Comment by Carol Kayser on October 13, 2013 at 1:14pm
Wilela , Happy Thanksgiving (Canadian)!! Just feel your husband beside you as he is there loving you and helping you through:)
I am proud of myself for getting the turkey in the oven! My darling would always do it and tease me!

Hugs,
Carol
Comment by Helen Duncan Hutchinson on October 13, 2013 at 1:04pm

Barbgara   I have not disposed of one thing of my husbands. All his shirt, jacket, even socks and ties are still in the wardrobe and will remain there until I die.   I have felt very very low this week and think I must stop posting for the present as my state of mind at the moment is very bad.   I wish you all well on legacy.   I only wish II could find the strength to get over this loss but I just feel I cannot go on with life without Morley but know I have no choice.l

Comment by Carol Kayser on October 13, 2013 at 11:27am

Good morning all.  I have just been looking at my pictures, seeing my strong young and healthy husband in one when we were young, both all dressed up, standing at the stove and counter, checking the turkey, LOL and then one the last Thanksgiving we had together, same position, at the stove, 30 years later....there he is, still the same smile, crinkly lines around his eyes, less hair, making the gravy...just love him so very much and miss him.  Today we will have his candied yams, and I am placing one of those pictures on the laptop so the kids and our little granddaughter can see him.  He's still here in our hearts and memories, never far away.

Well I'd better go and get busy on the turkey dinner, LOL....

Hugs for a nice day,

Carol

Comment by Marcia Kaul on October 13, 2013 at 10:04am

Marsha

I am working for a call center that has a contract with one of the pharmacies that mails prescriptions drugs to members. There are others that work with the various insurance programs and some for the many cell phone companies.  I'm not selling anything, just providing customer service.

My husband was a brain donor for Huntington's research.  We had chosen cremation rather than the traditional funeral. I took his ashes back to his home in MI with the intent of leaving him.  I just wasn't ready to let go so I brought him back.  Next year I will try again. His parents are in a mausoleum and rather than scattering his ashes I plan to leave him there.  I will always visit him in my heart.

On a lighter note.  When I married my husband he told me I was now his "kaul girl" (pronounced call).  He is laughing out loud for sure now that I work in a call center.

Comment by Barbara Sullivan on October 13, 2013 at 8:05am

Thanks to Carol,  Marsha and Diane C for responding and validating my feelings about keeping some of my husband's belongings.  It means so much to me, right now, to know I am not alone.  

Marsha -- I know it must have been with very mixed feelings that you watched that DVD of your husband -- but, oh how I wish I could hear Chris' voice again -- he never lost his British/Canadian accent -- and we would laugh together when even strangers would say, " Oh, I love your accent -- say something!".  There are certain words and phrases that I can still hear him speak, with my heart, but I know even that will fade with time, and I miss him so --- 

Comment by Marsha H on October 12, 2013 at 9:27pm

Marcia Kaul ...  Thanks for telling me that.  Do you mind me asking what type of call center?  I am just searching for myself for a job that won't take too much out of me.  It's good for our grief to fill in some hours work and mixing with other people.  I'm so priud of you Marcia because right now I couldn't even have a group of people over to my house never mind finding a job.

I know grief hits us hard and it blind-sides you.  Just when you think you're feet are planted firmly on the ground and you're moving forward it's like a rug being pulled out from under you.  It's normal Marcia, but, in time it won't happen as often.  If I had a pill to ease your pain you'd have it toot sweet and so would everyone else.  I guess grieving is part of life and something necessary, but I can't understand what this deep pain teaches us as of yet.

Today I watched a DVD of my husbands 50th b/d and although I have not forgotten every little etch of his face, I have forgotten what he voice sounded like and I got to hear it for the first time.  Of course ... you guessed it ...  I had a good bawling session, but still so happy I have that DVD as a keepsake. 

Congratulation regarding your daughter's graduation.   I am sure you will be feeling much better by then and I know what you'll think ...  'I wish her dad was here to see her graduate' but I do believe he'll be there in spirit.

Many Hugs flying your way.

Marsha

 

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