Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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Latest Conversations: on Tuesday

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on July 2, 2018 at 4:18am

Dear Patricia ...  I am so thankful you are OK.  Remember in your darkest hours someone is here to talk with.  I realized through my own grief that I preferred peace and quiet and to sit and go over my memories with Ernie and other times I was energetic and got things done, keeping busy.  Grief is a sneaky little beast that allows us to have fairly good days and then hits you hard on other days.  This too shall come to a dull roar in your time frame.  It's been 7 years since Ernie passed away and I realize I'm much stronger than I thought, but like Diamond said a song can set me off and I either listen to it or shut it off.  I mostly listen because I believe it's our loved ones way of communicating with us.  

Hang in there my friend and remember, we're here for you at any given time.  You are in my prayers!



Comment by Marsha H on July 2, 2018 at 4:13am

Steve ...  What a wonderful and caring person your Mark was to leave his remains to science to help others.  That sounds from your description of Mark to the type of man he was ... wonderful with a beautiful soul.

I do love your idea of the tree and burying the urn under it.  Ernie wanted our ashes thrown into the Pitt River where his fondest memories were and I have that set up in my Will.  I prefer not to have a service either, but, if family and friends want to celebrate 'the great journey to the other side' I requested they go to a lovely Pub over-looking the Pitt River and having a drink on me.  As I always said to my family and friends, 'treat me well when I'm alive and don't have any regrets when I die.'

Thank you so much for sharing this with us as I know it wasn't an easy task for you.



Comment by Marsha H on July 2, 2018 at 4:06am

Sara ...  my condolences on the loss of a good friend.  You are also a good friend to Todd and I too hope he comes to Legacy as I know it will help him greatly.

I have to agree with you I am alarmed at how many younger people are passing away.  At my age it's to be expected and I have faced it one too many times and no matter how old we are one never gets use to losing a family member or a good friend.  

My prayers are with you and Todd.


Comment by Sara Murphy on July 1, 2018 at 5:03pm

Steve....I love the idea of this living urn.  I'm going to look it up.  Thanks for sharing the info.

Comment by Sara Murphy on July 1, 2018 at 3:32pm

Friends......I'm sorry, I haven't been on for a few days so I need to catch up on my reading.  Today is such a sad day....another friend lost and again so young.   I believe the count is now 4 in this friend circle.  Ken was an usher in her wedding.  I don't understand what's happening.  My parents and friends parents lived into their 70's and 80's, some even 90's but my generation can't seem to make it out of their 50's.  In fact, Ken was the oldest at 52!   Given this trend, I'm not so sure I'll make it out of my 50's.

Anyway, Dorinda was such a beautiful soul. She was absolutely stunning in physical appearance but the beauty of her soul far outshined her appearance.  My heart breaks for Todd, her husband.  He loves her with every inch of his soul.  I'll be providing him with the website info here in the hopes he'll find the connections that we all have and the support we all know he needs.  He's now left to raise 2 relatively young boys, 13 & 17, amid his deep grief.  I know if he does chose to join, my Legacy family will welcome him with open arms.

Comment by Mary. Jane on July 1, 2018 at 3:19pm

That is the most beautiful thing I have ever read. Thank you. I think it is SO WONDERFUL that his death helped med students, and now his ashes will help to grow living things. 

You did a wonderful thing, Steve.

Comment by deborah peck on July 1, 2018 at 2:38pm

SteveI love this, I had read about it and wanted to be planted in the mountains so please let us know how it goes for you, your friend Debby

Comment by Steve G. on July 1, 2018 at 2:10pm

A tribute to my Mark.  

Mark William Thomas Cava, born January 19th, 1964, passed on November 30th, 2014.  Mark wanted his earthly body donated to science and his cremains planted back into the earth under a tree.

When he passed I was able to fulfill his request and got him into Southwest UT here in Dallas.  They kept him for almost 5 months, while he was there they gained a lot of information medically and taught a lot of students.  The university was very accommodating and very respectful to me.  The day they called me to come pick up his cremains was very stressful for me and at the same time very comforting.  When I got him home I was perplexed as to what to do, he did not want a service nor anything like that just to be laid to rest within the earth under a tree.  At that time, there were few choices to be had to fulfill his request.  Finally last month I saw something on FB advertising "the Living Urn".  A way to grow a Living Memory.  It comes with everything you need and by giving them your zip code your get a list of seedlings to choose from.  The Living Urn arrived and then several days later the Crape Myrtle seedling arrived.  Today I prepared the bio degradable urn, complete with the Crape Myrtle and tomorrow I will place it in a very large tree planter that will allow the Crape Myrtle to grow substantially over the next few years.  Once the tree is big enough, then I will find the right place or larger container for transplant.

I will post a picture of the completed project once I can decide where to place the big planter....

Thank you all for hearing me out...this final step in his request has haunted me for some time now...


your brother,


Comment by deborah peck on June 29, 2018 at 11:12am

Yes Patricia, unfortunately you do have to go thru a dark place to work thru this horrible grief, I miss and think of my Greg from the time I wake up until I sleep and hope I never stop thinking of hime, its hard though, prayers for you

Comment by Diamond on June 29, 2018 at 11:09am
To all, it is ok to feel the emotions associated with death as Steve stated; each day will be different. We can go 5 or 6 months being back to ourselves and then that song, picture, friend, or movie can spark the intense memory of the time we shared with our loved one and the tears will roll. My Dad died in 2007 and sometimes that song by Abba "dancing queen" comes on and I can not stop crying. That was a song I remembered listening to with my dad and a friend. Sometimes I shut the music off and other times I allow it to play and just "cry." I cope but my love for him will always be there in my heart...wishing for just one more crying is essential to coping and moving forward in this life without them. Cry and be still and listen to what your heart is saying.....Thank you, all!!!

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