Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Mary. Jane on May 18, 2018 at 1:57pm

(By “unbearable to be in the garage” ,I meant the HEAT,not the bugs LOL)

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 18, 2018 at 1:53pm

Well, both my items have bids!  One is so cool, I really hate to sell it..but there is SOOOO much stuff lying around the house that my daughter and I kept to sell...the rest of it went as follows: we took about 20 huge boxes to my SIL to sell at a garage sale, and we donated at LEAST that many boxes to the Goodwill...there is one a few blocks from my house. It took us four trips.

my daughter will be here next WED to go through 2 closets, and the last 20boxes from the attic that we were too burnt out to finish. Unfortunately, summer has come early here in OK, the spiders are in the garage, and we will have to sort the stuff in there around 6 am b4 it gets unbearable just to b out there. 

Bob was an artist, and we have big bookshelves with hundreds of books on artists...that I might try to donate to schools or libraries, but we have to check each one for nudity...this is Oklahoma, and you can buy a GUN at any local store, and carry it around, but anything vaguely sexual is a NO NO! 

During about 20 years of our marriage for fun, we would go to garage sales...and junk stores, and BOb mostly would buy ALL this stuff that through researching books (there was no internet then) he would buy things he thought would “be worth something, someday”. This was his way of preparing for the future. But, It got to the point of hoarding. So I have no attachment to most of this stuff..but researching it takes forever..AND, when we go thru the boxes, every once in awhile, I found something that was a glass bowl we had on our coffee table when we first got married....which I am keeping..that part is very hard.

unfortunately, the antique market has really TANKED!  I don,t know what people are buying lately, but even the Antique Roadshow mentioned stuff is selling for HALF the price it would have 10 years ago. So I just have to hope for the best.

sorry, I DIDN,t mean for this post to be so long. 

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 18, 2018 at 1:21pm

Yes, Sara...that was exactly what I thought, and was going to mention it. I KNOW it was BOb!

Comment by deborah peck on May 18, 2018 at 11:45am

Mary Jane, yes I have discovered that he isn't in the physical sense anymore but hes still with me always. Sorry to hear about the washing break down, its all these little things that should be so simple but aren't. Good luck on your ebay sales, let us know how it goes.

Comment by Sara Murphy on May 18, 2018 at 11:35am

Debbie.....I'm sorry your trip wasn't as you expected.  I am happy that you were at least able to feel him hug you.  Those moments are so precious.

Comment by Sara Murphy on May 18, 2018 at 11:32am

Mary Jane......It's quite possible the reason for your printer trouble was Bob trying to get your attention so you would notice the error.   Good luck with your Ebay sales.  I'm glad you're off to a good start.

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 18, 2018 at 7:41am

Oh, Deb, I am so sorry..but I know Greg was really there with you...u just couldn,t feel him cuz u were so anxious. 

Wed was Bobs birthday...and I DID feel him, and so did my daughter in California. She had a bit of a breakthrough last week and is finally talking about him. 

But a weird thing happened last nite..I was washing a few of his button Down Hawaiian shirts that I kept, cuz they had “ closet grunge” from hanging there so long...and last night when I was hangin the clean shirts I realized that I had done this for him for 48 years...and this was the first time I preformed this chore since he died...and I kinda caved with a huge sense of loss.

i think we have to remember..they aren,t in places anymore, they live in out hearts, and always will. 



Comment by Mary. Jane on May 18, 2018 at 7:33am

Thanks Marsha..weirdly, that is exactly what happened about the printing the document from the lawyer...I spent all last weekend stressing over the printing...nearly ran out of ink I printed it so much...but while I was reading it...I began to understand it more...and I realized they had made a HUGE ( I mean REALLY huge the 2 pages of the header...) Now I have heard that lawyers can be arrogant, especially if you point out something that is REALLY I struggled for days, then finally sucked it up cause I finally understood it, and emailed him and pointed out the mistake. To my JOY I was vindicated when he replied YOU ARE CORRECT!  If I had filled it out, notarized and sent the original form, it might never been noticed, and would have held up the entire court case. So he had to redo the form, resend it, and I got it in the mail yesterday!

Meanwhile, my daughter wanted to help me with the printing on Sunday, but I told her NO...this was the day I had reserved to list a few things on EBay...I had to stop the legal thing and focus on learning to sell stuff again, or I would throw myself in another bout do Epatien Barr...things and formats had really changed in 10 years...AND I DID IT! I listed 2 items on EBay I was sure would sell, and they both have bids!!!!  So now I can finally move forward and sell all this crap I found in the 70 boxes of stuff we found in the attic. 

Comment by deborah peck on May 17, 2018 at 10:15pm

Hi everyone, I got back from my trip last night and while its always nice to spend time with my sister the trip wasn't what I wanted, I wanted to connect with Greg, to feel him and to say good bye to him. None of the above happened and I came to the conclusion that what I was really trying to do was FIND him and hes not here. I was very anxious to get back home and spent last night crying,Today was the day of his funeral and I'm strangely okay with it, I think just glad to be here with his things and him.. Its funny how we continue to try to get them back even when we know we cant,. A strange thing did happen there though, we were walking thru Gatlinburg and I closed my eyes for a second while waiting for my sis and I could see him hugging me and I could feel it, made me so happy  love to you all

Comment by Marsha H on May 15, 2018 at 3:41am

Mary.Jane ...  I am so proud of you for selling on EBay.  I want to sell some things as well, but have no idea how to do it.  

I'm trying to clean out things too because the Diabetic Assoc., is coming to get a lot of things from me on the 18th.  I feel over-whelmed at times.  I still have 2 closets to go through and one is my craft closet and nasty!  So much to give away.  

Isn't that just the way when you want to print something important it doesn't work.  Happened to me several times and I found when that happens there is generally a good reason for it ... DO SOMETHING ELSE AND GIVE YOUR HEAD A REST!  Yup, you can always go back to it.  

It's so hot here outside of Vancouver, BC and I just got my neighbor to put my A/C in.  So muggy and to hot to plant.  Humidity is so high and I sure dislike that.  Suppose to cool down, but so far can't see it happening.  

Happy to hear you are feeling much better and hope it continues.


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