Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by Mary. Jane on September 27, 2018 at 12:48pm

Never mind,,I see where u r from. 

Comment by Mary. Jane on September 27, 2018 at 12:45pm

Real estate, huh? LOL you aren’t in Northern California by chance..r u? 

My apologies for putting this on this site...please don,t kick me off, moderators. 

Comment by Sheri Dettman on September 27, 2018 at 10:51am

HI Mary Jane. The way I see it, there is no privacy really, so it doesn't bother me. I never post anything that I would care if anyone saw. Plus, my business, which is Real Estate, is based online with regards to all of my websites, I'm fully immersed in it and always have been. I do appreciate your concerns though. It's not paranoid if it's true!

Comment by Mary. Jane on September 27, 2018 at 10:21am

Thanks Sheri. I will check out your site, but I don,t do Facebook very much. I think FB is the governments dream...and everything anyone posts there is recorded somewhere to bused if need be, against the people. Can u say paranoid? Lol...but I believe it is true. There is no such thing as privacy. I am sure every thing we write here is noted somewhere. 

NOW..I would like to recommend an old TV program..which basically saved my life after BOb died. It is The Golden Girls. I have watched each of the 180 episodes for almost three years..and even tho I can recite the lines, it is still comforting, intelligent, extremely funny. And deals with real subjects in a way comedic things now, don,t. We are too busy being afraid of offending to deal with really tough subjects unless it is a police or military show..which I do not watch regularly. 

Ironically I mentioned this to one of my closest friends a few weeks ago, and she revealed that show got her through a bought of breast cancer 7 years ago. And if u r a guy, watch it anyway. It could just as easily b about 4 men.. the humor transcends gender

ok, I wrote down your blog I will check it out. Thanks!.

Comment by Sheri Dettman on September 27, 2018 at 9:59am

Hi Mary Jane, Yes, that happens to me too with the nicknames. They are ingrained into our brains. Like parents calling their kids by the wrong names. It's just habit. On the subject of funny TV shoes, there is a newer one called American Housewife that is really good. On another subject, I've started a website and blog, it's just in the beginning stages, but it's all about what we talk about her. Grief, the process, and what happens at the time, and what happens moving forward. This site was the most helpful to me and I want to share that with others to help. Take a look when you have time. It's called I have a Facebook page as well.

Comment by Mary. Jane on September 27, 2018 at 9:48am

Hahahahaha...thank you, Sara, for my first laugh of this day..when I read the last line of your post. 

BTW, since I am on the subject of laughter, I watch a lot of TV..but it has to be FUNNY TV, nothing violent.  last night I watched a new sitcom, which had me on the floor. Single Parents. It was wonderful..up there with The Good Place, and the Bif Bang Theory. I highly suggest it for a great show. 

Have a good day everyone.

Comment by Sara Murphy on September 27, 2018 at 9:13am

Mary Jane....I've had phrases pop into my head that Ken used to use.   And like you, it's out of nowhere.  I'm not sitting around thinking of cute or funny things he used to say but something comes up and I'll just come out with it then realize it was something Ken would say that I hadn't heard in years.  You're not losing your mind.....unless I am too :)

Comment by Mary. Jane on September 26, 2018 at 2:18pm

I am having some weird memories that are hitting me in a strange way..About a week ago, I called my cat, Rudy..”My Little Crunch Bunny” and I haven,t called you that in YEARS! Then, like a board slam to the head, I realized that was one of my cutesy nicknames for BOB!  OMG! And, I did it again yesterday. I called my kitty a different nickname I used to call BOb. These are not your usual names...this one was ‘Sunshine Bunky”  haven,t remembered THAT in years either. Maybe it is a sign of healing, as I had forgotten all these...and in typing this, I just remembered another one. So maybe I won,t use that one, as it has already popped into my head. (I just KNOW all of you are curious..LOL that name is ‘Muffin Tin’. I told you they were different! LOL)

Has anyone else here done something like this?  They just pop into my head, and come out of my mouth. Silly little names that I only used for him. Am I loosing what is left of my mind? 

Comment by Sara Murphy on September 26, 2018 at 11:27am

Jeanette.......It's so nice when the happy memories flood our minds.  I try to push away all the sad, unpleasant memories surrounding Ken's illness and focus on the fun loving guy he was.  I'm glad you had a chance to sing and dance down memory lane

Comment by Mary. Jane on September 26, 2018 at 10:37am

Ironic u would mention that now. I used to sing all the time..had my own Karaoke machine, we had karaoke parties, etc. BOb couldn,t sing a note...but my daughter has an outstanding  voice..and I was GOOD! Sadly, age and smoking, and lack of practice has taken away my voice, but good friend was changing the lightbulb in my garage..(at 4’9” I cannot reach it, even with a ladder) it was the second time in 5 days she had changed a bulb for I joked “you light up my life” and belted into that song! Luckily the accustics in there are,I was singing away, and she had a STUNNED look on her face..I stopped, and told her “I told u I could sing!” She responded..yeah, but I never thought u were THAT good. LOL. 

It was just luck...I only sang the verse I knew I could hit the notes, then stopped...I have a very limited range..but it felt great to remember the comments I used to get, and how good it felt to ‘soar in song’. Lol..

15 years ago, b4 we moved to OK, I used to sing everyday in my separate galley kitchen..but when we moved to this house, we had an “open kitchen” and BOb would always tell me “Stop singing! I can,t hear the TV”  So I stopped. For the rest of his life.   And, without practice, your voice goes away. Sadly, I think it is too late to retrieve it.

Sing your heart out, Jeanette, and dance “like there,s no one watching.” To all of you...Do whatever brings you joy. 


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