Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Mary. Jane on May 18, 2018 at 7:33am

Thanks Marsha..weirdly, that is exactly what happened about the printing the document from the lawyer...I spent all last weekend stressing over the printing...nearly ran out of ink I printed it so much...but while I was reading it...I began to understand it more...and I realized they had made a HUGE ( I mean REALLY huge the 2 pages of the header...) Now I have heard that lawyers can be arrogant, especially if you point out something that is REALLY I struggled for days, then finally sucked it up cause I finally understood it, and emailed him and pointed out the mistake. To my JOY I was vindicated when he replied YOU ARE CORRECT!  If I had filled it out, notarized and sent the original form, it might never been noticed, and would have held up the entire court case. So he had to redo the form, resend it, and I got it in the mail yesterday!

Meanwhile, my daughter wanted to help me with the printing on Sunday, but I told her NO...this was the day I had reserved to list a few things on EBay...I had to stop the legal thing and focus on learning to sell stuff again, or I would throw myself in another bout do Epatien Barr...things and formats had really changed in 10 years...AND I DID IT! I listed 2 items on EBay I was sure would sell, and they both have bids!!!!  So now I can finally move forward and sell all this crap I found in the 70 boxes of stuff we found in the attic. 

Comment by deborah peck on May 17, 2018 at 10:15pm

Hi everyone, I got back from my trip last night and while its always nice to spend time with my sister the trip wasn't what I wanted, I wanted to connect with Greg, to feel him and to say good bye to him. None of the above happened and I came to the conclusion that what I was really trying to do was FIND him and hes not here. I was very anxious to get back home and spent last night crying,Today was the day of his funeral and I'm strangely okay with it, I think just glad to be here with his things and him.. Its funny how we continue to try to get them back even when we know we cant,. A strange thing did happen there though, we were walking thru Gatlinburg and I closed my eyes for a second while waiting for my sis and I could see him hugging me and I could feel it, made me so happy  love to you all

Comment by Marsha H on May 15, 2018 at 3:41am

Mary.Jane ...  I am so proud of you for selling on EBay.  I want to sell some things as well, but have no idea how to do it.  

I'm trying to clean out things too because the Diabetic Assoc., is coming to get a lot of things from me on the 18th.  I feel over-whelmed at times.  I still have 2 closets to go through and one is my craft closet and nasty!  So much to give away.  

Isn't that just the way when you want to print something important it doesn't work.  Happened to me several times and I found when that happens there is generally a good reason for it ... DO SOMETHING ELSE AND GIVE YOUR HEAD A REST!  Yup, you can always go back to it.  

It's so hot here outside of Vancouver, BC and I just got my neighbor to put my A/C in.  So muggy and to hot to plant.  Humidity is so high and I sure dislike that.  Suppose to cool down, but so far can't see it happening.  

Happy to hear you are feeling much better and hope it continues.

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 14, 2018 at 10:52am

Sorry more insect posts.

Deb...hope your weekend was were in our hearts all weekend. Even if it DIDN,t go as year it will be better...Bobs birthday is this week. He never made a big deal out of I am ok with it. 

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 14, 2018 at 9:55am

I am DONE with that subject. My weekend was WEIRD!  Ok I have a question: IS ANYONE ELSE HERE FROZEN?  I have a gazillion things I need to do...go through drawers etc, and clean out for my move back to CA. I am shooting for either this fall, or next spring...the one thing I was supposed to b doing was listing all this crap on EBay.  I just couldn,t do it! All I had to do is list one start and I knew I could do the rest. So THIS was going to b the weekend...Saturday was ruined because I have some legal papers I have to print and send..and I couldn,t get my printer to print the entire page..I worked on it all fri night and Saturday...but SUNDAY I told myself I AM GOING TO LIST SOMETHING ON EBAY! then my daughter called, and she wanted to walk me through how to get a page to print right..and I told her NO...I couldn,t do that today....I HAD to do the eBay thing...AND I DID!

i was so excited!!!!  I only listed 2 items..and it has changed so much in 10 years..but it was a personal best! I sold for almost 7 years about 10 years ago..and one of my items already has a bid.

and by not focusing on the legal papers, I stopped the Epstein Barr from returning. I needed to b proud of myself An needed motivation to do more. The market has tanked BIG TIME. Bob spent his entire life collecting stuff for his I just couldn,t give it all away. This is for him, so his death wown,t b in vain. 

Comment by Sara Murphy on May 13, 2018 at 9:45pm

I haven't been able to get on in a few days so I'm catching up on my reading...........and right before I go to bed I'm reading about spiders.  Let's just hope I dream about Ken tonight and not about bugs.  Although I don't usually check my bed for spiders, I think I will tonight.

Comment by Christine Blaire on May 13, 2018 at 8:33pm

All about bugs? For me it's stink I call them "BOOGERS" I will hunt it down till I get the thing! My little 5 lb dog was chasing something on the floor and barking. Yep...a booger!!! Got it before it got her. Nasty!!!! I catch em and flushed em last summer there was a spider web on the one corner of the porch. I'm as about to get rid of it and stopped....for behold....a booger in the web! Ha!!! The web stayed!!!! Hope ya all had a decent weekend!.

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 12, 2018 at 11:11pm

I don’t believe this. 3 minutes ago I was having a cigarette in the garage ..with th door to the kitchen slightly ajar and I saw a Dark shadow under the door..u guessed it..a medium black spider was walking into the I smashed it with the phone book in the garage...then I had to wipe him up, as he would have been stuck to the kitchen threshold forever. All this spider talk..and this is the first one of the season. Now I am afraid to smoke in the garage, and I can,t smoke on the porch after dark cuz the June bugs attack me. Maybe I will finally quit. Yeah, I wish. Goodnite kids.

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 12, 2018 at 10:00pm

Oh, I forgot the HUGE precaution..that I will not EVER sleep on a bed without a headboard.where the mattress touches thE wall. That is like a written invitation..for mr. Spider to crawl along the baseboards on the floor, up the wall, and on to your bed pillows that are touching the wall. Actually, that is how my guest bedroom is, and when ever I had to sleep on that bed, I moved the mattress and anything else that touched the wall away from it.

ok, I am only 4 ft 9 inches tall...and I cannot climb into bed (new mattress) without a step stool. I keep it under the bed, and pull it out each evening, (turning it over to make sure a spider isn,t inside the plastic top) I leave it beside the bed at night but always far enough to NOT touch the dust ruffle along the bed, or any blankets that might get droopy and hang over the bed.

CAN YOU SAY ANAL???  Yes, I really need help. I don,t think I am so much afraid of the spider, as I am of the SURPRISE of it. I have been bitten by a brown 2014 on the ankle. I never saw it or felt it. The sad part is the really scary looking ones, like the wolf spiders, are not harmful...I actually swept one out the front door instead of killing it. Ironically, tho it was as big as a quarter, I happened to stomp my foot next to it in fear and frustration...and the spider hunched up its legs in terror! I just couldn,t kill I talked to it, told it to stay right there..near the front door, and I ran and got the broom and swept him outside.

i have about 20 telephone books stashed all over the house “just in case” but after I drop the phone book on one, (there is NO WAY I will step on one..eewwwww)  I am afraid to lift up the it stays there for quite awhile...cuz it might still be alive. Honestly, this is a horrible way to live. 

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 12, 2018 at 8:37pm

Ok, first off..Steve..that was I wonder how Deb is doing...last night around 6 pm Central time zone, I was vacuuming and suddenly she popped into my brain! I dunno I said a silent prayer that she was ok...but it was kinda strange and out of knowhere...

Now..CHUCK and MARSHA...ENOUGH about the spider. It freaked me out yesterday when I read it, and it is still freaking me out now...oh God! A spider in my BED???  A big one? OMG! And you squished it all over your linens? Hopefully my imagination is worse than it was..but I don,t want to know.

I jump thru a lot of hoops to always be on my guard in case I see one. Upon entering a room, even tho I have just been in there, my eyes scan the room, looking for renegade spiders, or silky threads that might dangle, or a shadow that moves. My bed frame is metal...I read that they don,t like metal, none of my bedclothes touch the floor, even bedskirts...they have to be taller from the floor than a large spider could climb. I never open a large box without wearing gloves, and even my sandals have a one inch sole. I never put on a shoe without banging it on the floor, and my shoes are NEVER left on the floor. I shake garments before putting them on, even if they have only been on the hanger a few hours..(like from the dryer).i shake folded towels from the linen closet before I use them to dry off from the other words, I am very OCD. Lol. It has been suggested I “see someone” about this, as it is very crippling. I won,t sit on anyone’s outdoor Furniture...well you get the idea. 

If you think about it...what other insect invades your space like spiders? Not many snakes under the bed...maybe ants...but just take away what they r trying to get, and they just go away. 

I have rescued little snakes from Rudy before he could kill them...three alive, one I was too late...I just put on my gloves, pick them up and put them in the garden. The last one was questionable  as it was patterned, so I put it in covered Tupperware, and Googled it to make sure it wasn,t poisonous, then put him outside...but just THINKING about spiders freaks me out. EEEEEKK!


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