Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by Mary. Jane on September 13, 2018 at 10:50pm

Sara,,I had thatnthought too...that this might b the start of”the end of civilization as we know it. So many horrible things are happening with Nature,,.Califrnia is burning, storms are far more frequent than before...maybe this is just a see if the human race can “step up” and help others in need...but what can we do? Today, AM VETS called me for a donation pickup..and they had an “ad on speech...for non perishable foods, blankets, bottles for babies and baby and children’s clothes..which I don,t have..and I just gave all my non perishable food to the girl scouts...but I have purged my clothes, and have two contractor plastic bags full of them...I also have Tons of Barbie dolls, and some boys toys, which I was going to try to sell...but they t being given away on Tuesday.

by then I hope to purge my “doll room” which is full of 

dolls in boxes...and keeping this stuff is just weighing me down. I am also tossing in prescription glasses..about 10 pairs, hopefully they can use them..they belonged to both Bob and me,  and I also have a C-pap machine and all the accessories. That I want to donate, but don,t know where. Online they seem to only want newer machines..what a waste...I am rambling now..I am really tired and unfocused...and depressed...and here I am whining again, when I should b greatfull for all I have. Bye for now. 


Comment by Sara Murphy on September 13, 2018 at 9:26pm

Mary Jane.....I'm in Mass, about 20 miles north of Boston so I'm not in the hurricane area.  Not sure if this made national news but there have been roughly 70 gas explosions in the 3 towns surrounding my town.  Many, many fires.  All 3 towns are without power and many of my co-workers have been affected. 

I had a conversation with one of my co-workers earlier this week about it being possible that we're already in the middle of Armageddon and don't know it.  I'm beginning to think he's right! 

I pray for peace, safety and health for all of you.

Love, Sara

Comment by Marsha H on September 13, 2018 at 4:31pm

To any of my dear friends on here if you are in the area of this terrible storm I'm praying.  I live in British Columbia, Canada so I only know a few on here and where they live, but most of you I don't.  Be safe and I'm praying.  I do believe from our weather news the storm is a 2 now.  I hope it just dwindles away.  

Love & Hugs


Comment by Marsha H on September 13, 2018 at 4:25pm

Steve ...  You're welcome.  I am so happy your memory came back and you know the name of the doctors and hospital.  What I did with all of Ernie's medical paperwork was put it in a plastic bin and I still have it.  Just in case you are not aware of this, pharmaceutical companies are all about money and could care less what they put out there for patients even if FDA approved.  Before you fill any prescription given by your doctor Google it and see what the side effects are and also, go to the reviews on that drug by other patients (from the horse's mouth.)  I went over every medication Ernie took and found 2 serious mistakes and thankfully he did not take that particular medication.  I have worked in doctor's offices, but at the time didn't realize many of these new medications shouldn't have been on the market.  Sometimes the doctor would give out free samples to their patients. Drug companies have agents that see all doctors with the newest of the new medications and I always call it, 'the flavor of the month.'  It's not to say some medications don't work and have fewer side effects.  I can't believe that your doctor actually prescribed your medication knowing full well that it can cause cancer.  Also, if your gut feeling rises up listen and as you are doing now research it online. 

I wish you the best of luck my dear brother and lots of prayers flying your way.

Hugs & Much love

Your sis Marsha 

Comment by deborah peck on September 13, 2018 at 10:45am

Mary Jane, I live in Missouri so I am good, my daughter lives in Wilmington N.C. but they are all safely out of horms way in Delaware, saying prayers for all there but so thankful it is now a cat 2

Comment by Mary. Jane on September 13, 2018 at 8:43am

To DEB.... or SARA...I cannot remember but I think one of u lives near the hurricane area? Please let us know u r safe...

Comment by Mary. Jane on September 13, 2018 at 8:41am

Oh, just concentrate on healing. I totally get it...BOb went for Brain radiation a few times each week  so I know how it can suck the energy from you. Maybe we can set something up on FaceTime or something, to at least meet. (Except the camera on FaceTime is NOT kind..shows every wrinkle and flaw hahahaha)

Just trying to lighten the mood. This is going to b a quick post..I have to go get my nails done. LOL. I usually don’t leave the house.

The next time I post to u, I will tell about an online friend, in a group of Doll people, and his illness, and the power of prayer from about 20 members. Know that my heart is with you..and here is a MAJOR suggestion about memory..I keep a pad and pen close by, as things tend to flutter past my mind...important things, and 2 seconds later they are gone..but things WILL start doing that, and if u have a pen close by, write them down will definitely help your memory. Ok, back later, and just take care of yourself...

Comment by Steve G. on September 13, 2018 at 8:12am


Thank you, my anger with the Pharmacy Industry as a whole is boiling at best.  I read everything now, I question everything and then I spend hours online looking and reading.  

After meeting with the radiologist yesterday, I feel more positive about my recovery and to finally rid myself of this cancer.  I trusted the urologist in South Florida, maybe too much.  Mark did not and had his doubts about the whole thing.  I am sure he has been guiding me along these past few weeks.  I was so angry with myself for tossing out so much paper work when I moved from our apartment and then throwing out more when I moved to NJ.  All the time in the back of my mind was a voice "are you sure" each time I thinned out the mounds of papers...

Until last night I could not remember any of the doctor's names from 2009 or even the name of the hospital where the surgery took place.  Driving home last night the name of mine and Mark's primary care doctor "popped into my head".  Getting home and working from that one name, took me to finding the name of the urologist...I remembered that his name only had 3 that narrowed down the search to one, after I googled his practice and saw the aerial view, bingo, my memories lit up like a light bulb.  Finding the hospital was just as easy.  All of them are still there with the addresses, phone numbers, etc...

So my search was not in vain and today I can give all this information to my doctor here and they can request all my records faster than patients.  Thanks to Mark and the many other angels around me...I am going to be fine and I am going to beat this/

Thank you one and all on this site, my family, my angels,


Comment by Steve G. on September 13, 2018 at 7:51am

Mary Jane,

After talking to the Radiologist yesterday, he suggested that any "fun trips" be postponed until after the new year, and perhaps not until sometime in February.  My treatments were extended from 6 to 8 weeks, plus he wants me to have a MRI completed over the next week or so.  I spent hours on the internet last night looking up my primary doctor in Plantation, Florida, the urologist and the hospital that did the initial surgery in 2009.

He needs all of my records to assist the mapping out of where to aim the beam...for lack of a better explanation of the procedure.  He was shocked to learn that I did not have follow up radiation treatments after surgery.  He explained to me and Chuck in great and graphic details the procedure and what is left behind that cannot be removed, hence, radiation treatments to finish off the cancer.  This could very well be something that has been there all along.  His best guess from asking questions that my original cancer probably started in the mid 1990's and went undetected until 2008.  

The radiation treatments will most likely leave me tired with little or not side effects, that plus having to travel 27 miles each way to and from the center will be tiring enough.

As much as I would like to plan a trip away from all of this I will be held captive in the Dallas area until we can rid myself of this creepy disease.  

I and Chuck were extremely pleased and our moods were uplifted by this doctor...he told us both that the treatments kill good and bad cells, however, cancer cells cannot and will not repair, unlike the good cells.

So for now my dear sister, our fun plans on meeting face to face will be on hold until after January.



Comment by Sara Murphy on September 9, 2018 at 9:23pm

Steve....I'm so sorry about your diagnosis but glad it was caught in the early stages.  A little heavenly intervention I believe.  I wish I could be there with you and Chuck for moral support.  Since I can't be there physically, please know that I am truly thinking about you both and praying for you.  You're a warrior so you'll kick this C in the A!

Sending my love.



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