Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


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Comment by Mary. Jane on November 16, 2018 at 12:39pm

Awwww...enjoy Thanksgiving any way you wish. I think going out is a great idea..but if there are 35 of you, I hope you have reservations ..LOL...why should. YOU cook? BTW, I think Greg will be there with you, no matter  where you have Thanksgiving .butbthat is just my opinion, and you might not feel that is true. 

Ironically, Thanksgiving was Bobs favorite DIDN,t cost much, like Christmas where he HATED having to buy useless gifts for relatives he DIDN,t like, he didn’t have to cook, and he got to eat wonderful food and watch football all day..and THEN,  if we had hosted the dinner, he got to eat leftovers all week! 

When I made dinner, I inadvertently created what became my signature side dish...OMG, it was SOOOO GOOD...and unless u r baking a turkey, you cannot duplicate it EVER! It was an accident the first time..Bob at only organic veggies..and I had purchased some THIN long baby carrots aren,t my fav veggie..cuz I really DIDN,t know what to,do,with them, that was not boring, and really listen up, kids. I cook my turkey in a pan, with a wire RACK in the bottom of the pan to catch the drippings..and realized these carrots were thin enough to fit perfectly UNDER the turkey while I cook I filled the entire bottom of the roasting pan with washed thin organic carrots..Leafs removed...and for 4 hours, just roasted the turkey with butter, and white wine, covered with loose tin foil  the first 2 hours, basted often, while the carrots just soaked everything up that ended in the bottom of the pan...the first time I had no idea they would be so WONDEFUL, tasty,tender...they are NOT my fav veggie, but they were the most wonderful thing EVER!! My family fought over them! In future years, I added as many as I could fit into the pan, and sneakily hid some that were leftover from any leftovers people took home.  I TRIED to duplicate cooking them in turkey broth, or a baked chicken...but everything other than cooking them with the turkey, was a failure. Bummer. I haven,t had them since 2014. Darn,,just writing about them makes me want to cook a turkey jus s I can have them!  Lol but there is just me now. 

Last Thanksgiving was the worst day I have ever had since Bob died..I was alone with food I bought at a deli...which turned out to be WRONG, and my local relatives were I sat here

alone and cried. This year I am invited to my nieces, and May go, I dunno, but if I choose not to, it will b ok as it was MY CHOICE.

yes, I can cook, and when I do, I am good at it, but I don,t like to cook. The only reason I am good is, it takes just as much h effort to cook BADLY as it does to cook I may as well do it good.

ok, I am done rambling...try cooking the carrots with your turkey..absolutely the easiest thing ever...just get THIN baby carrots, or slice bigger niveoneslengthwise...and toss them in the bottom of the pan

Comment by deborah peck on November 16, 2018 at 10:46am

Its getting closer to my bday (21 st) and Thanksgiving the day after. I told my kids I don't want a party at home, I want to start a new tradition of going out for dinner, last year I didn't want a celebration without Greg here so I think it will be easier this way. As always the holidays are at my house so am trying to get things ready but don't have any energy so have to get moving,But I am actually looking forward to Thanksgiving, just going to pretend its any other dinner with my entire family over, 35 people, so we will see. Love you all and am praying your Thanksgiving is better for all of you

Comment by deborah peck on November 16, 2018 at 10:41am

Steve so happy to hear your positive reports, keep it up

Comment by Steve G. on November 16, 2018 at 8:14am

Hello to all,

Wish there was something to say or something that I could do to help out.  In my younger years I was a handyman that worked for my landlord.  There wasn't much that I could not do or at least figure out how to fix things.

I too have regained some of my memories, sometimes from just sitting quietly in the morning listening to music on cable.  One station is called soundscapes, it allows me to not think about anything in particular but it also shows quotes that famous people had said.  Reading them and listening I guess allows my mind to wander.   Another thing that I have had lately are dreams, usually early in the morning after waking up and looking at the clock and seeing that it is too early to get up.  That is when my mind will go back to my childhood and it's almost as if one thought leads to another and I still feel as if I am awake.  Sometimes, these memories are of some of the most happiest days and a few are sad ones, still I can accept them and remember.  For awhile I have not posted anything on my blog because I would write about someone in my life and stop because I was getting the order of things confused with others, so I stopped.  Now I feel as if I can go on to finish the ones I started with a little more confidence.

I saw this quote on my music channel:

"Dreams are illustrations from the book your soul is writing about you".  by Marsha Norman

This morning is the first day above freezing, now I can move some of the plants back outside, fall weather is back for a couple of here can change on a dime.

Still taking my treatments, my body is responding, the side affects are annoying and the daily trip to the cancer center is now wearing thin on both me and Chuck, the good news is my last visit for radiation is December 4th, then I can rest and go back to my usual routine.  The cancer is disappearing and follow visits will be every three months for observation.   looking forward to spring...

Love you all and sending hugs,


Comment by Mary. Jane on November 15, 2018 at 12:10pm

Well, I might b able to help u with the I haven,t used mine in YEARS! It is only me, and it takes me less than 3 mins to do them by hand.i am sorry u r having to go thru all this, but after I started hand washing them, I realized there was something sort of comforting in hand washing them..and I make sure nothing sticks to them, and it doesn,t take an hour or more..unless  u r entertaining, lol

Comment by Sara Murphy on November 15, 2018 at 11:30am

Mary Jane.......I'm pretty much in the same boat as you with everything "breaking" at once and all of it expensive.  A few weeks ago I had a large dead oak tree that was on my front lawn cut down before the wind blew it down.  I've been getting quotes to have the roof re-done and finally signed a contract.  That sure isn't cheap but Ken and I had talked about doing it before he passed and now it's almost 3 years later so it really needs to happen.  I also need a new dishwasher now and my refrigerator which is about 25 years old also needs to be replaced but I'm hoping to put that off til spring.  I really hate having to take care of everything myself. 

Comment by deborah peck on November 12, 2018 at 12:01pm

Mary Jane, I too miss hearing from everyone. sounds like your hands are full right now and not with good things. I have to have surgery again because of skin cancer, since Greg has passed I have 3 major ones on my nose, a melanoma on my neck, a squamous on my shoulder and now on my leg, what the heck is going on, doc said I am predestined (sp?) for melanomas, that's great but on the good side so far its all treatable. Its snowing here too but I love snow as long as I don't have to go anywhere! I cant wait till I will get my memory back too, I hate being like this. Today marks 18 months since Greg passed and it is unreal to me still that heisnt here and all the memories from now on are without him. My 4 year old grandson asked me if his paw paw and I were married, I replied yes and he said paw paw isn't here, too hard for him to understand and he is crying in his sleep now and calling for him, poor baby, what a mess.he seems like hes as confused as I am. ughh. well enough griping for one day, love to you all and Sheri ,I am so happy for you

Comment by Mary. Jane on November 12, 2018 at 10:13am

One last thing..some memory is returning. A lot! I am remembering tons of weird things..Names of people I haven,t thought of in years, where I put something..(that is a like I have been asleep for a very long time...and all this random crap is flooding my brain. Mostly useless the name of an actor, or someone I went to school with..I guess it is “recall” but maybe it is a process I have to go through b4 I can heal mentally and b able to think again. 

Comment by Sheri Dettman on November 12, 2018 at 10:13am

Hi Mary Jane! I haven't been on here much at all for a while. I actually met someone about 6 weeks ago and long story short, haven't seen him since then but he's coming to see me on Thursday for 4 days. Lives in TX and I'm in CA. Needless to say, my attitude has changed quite a bit as I feel like now I have something and someone to look forward to. I've been writing on my blog busy working. We are planning on going to see that movie this weekend. Glad you enjoyed it. Looks like fun.

Comment by Mary. Jane on November 12, 2018 at 10:06am

OMG..where IS everyone? Maybe y’all are having MAJOR, numerous random crap messing up your lives at the moment, like I am? Since one week before Halloween, I have been unindated with everything going wrong. Starting with the removal of two pillars and a rail on my front porch...which were so rotten, I had to remove them b4 kids came to Trick or treat, and got injured, to a bunch of other stuff..including talking to real estate people, and lenders...removing Bobs name from or DEED..(DIDN,t know I had to do that) something wrong with my plumbing...a bunch of other stuff...culminating last Thursday with discovering I have a busted drain pipe leading from the clean out thingy in my back yard...and ending up IN MY NEXT DOOR NEIGHBORS YARD! That is where they will have to dig to repair it, remove park of her fence, redo her yard..and this morning it is SNOWING! It hasn,t snowed here for 3 years. WTF is going on? Oh yeah, and I am totally responsible for paying the entire thing, as my home owners insurance only covers inside the walls of my house. There goes any down payment on a new home.

For 2 years nothing happened, now EVERYTHING happened in 2 weeks.  But, it could b worse..if this is all God throws at me I am blessed. It could be fires or floods...

so, I hope all of you are safe, but the silence here the last month is weird. So, that is why I haven,t been here..but I missed coming here, so I thought I would bore y’all with my life. 

LASTLY...went to the movies yesterday..GO SEE BOHEMIEN RAPSODY!!! I wanted to rock out in my seat..but looking around, I DIDN,t see any others I stayed still as possible but when it ended, and the credits one CLAPPED!!!  So I decided I DIDN,t care, and started clapping loudly..and to my DELIGHT..when I DID..a second went by, and then the entire audience clapped with me!!!!  That was SO COOL!!!


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