Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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Latest Conversations: Sep 29

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by deborah peck on August 11, 2018 at 11:42am

Mary Jane, you've got this, your a strong woman and you will do this, take a deep breathe and plunge ahead to the next chapter in your life

Comment by Mary. Jane on August 10, 2018 at 7:35pm

Thank you Sheri and I just read my last post..LOL..traveling really takes it out of me. So now I have to start changing my entire life a place I find, where Bob never was. If I drove, I think I would stay here..I had forgotten about the horrible traffic..and the ridiculous price of homes in CA...but I want to live near my daughter, and I HATE the life sucking humidity here in OK. I found a few nice mobile homes...but now there might be a problem, cuz the realtor says loan companies don,t like to grant loans for mobile homes. What is left of my life seems to be spinning out of control.

I am reminded by an old song by Linda Rhonstadt...the lyrics are: “Time goes by like a train and the a new place every day...time goes by like a train and the river..carrying our lives away”

i feel like I am being swept away...and I need to swim or drown.

Comment by Mary. Jane on August 9, 2018 at 10:33pm

Hey everyone...sorry imhaven,t posted..but I went to CA for a wedding and to look at possibilities for a new lace to live. I am so burnt out...I will b back when my brain functions again..but this is going to b a lot harder than I thought. 

Btw, this is a horrible request, but I cannot find my checkbook. LOL I hid it, and failed to write down where I put it. LOL so if anyone has an “IN”. With the Gods of lost items, could you ask them where it might be? I cannot believe I just typed that. LOL. I am just too old to go on vacation..too much disruption. How the hell am I going to relocate if I can,t go on a simple 5 day trip?

Comment by Sara Murphy on August 7, 2018 at 9:23pm

Sheri.....That's pretty brave to book a trip by yourself to another country.  I don't know if I'd ever be able to do that.  I hope you have a peaceful journey.

Comment by Sheri Dettman on August 5, 2018 at 11:32am

I've been reading some of the's amazing how we all share the same experiences. Yes, weekends suck!!! It's like you get drawn down into a dark hole of feeling so alone and remembering all the horror. Yes, I turn on the TV the minute I get up and as soon as I get home. Just to have something in the background instead of silence. The music thing...I listen to a LOT of music...what I find is that I listen to music from before I knew my husband or what's new now. Listening to music from high school (Fleetwood Mac, all of that kind of thing), brings me back to before I had any idea of death. And I've discovered new artists that I like and there's no memory attached. Mainly, though the worst thing is just the feeling of being utterly alone with no one to really trust. I never felt that before I was married, but having now had it, and then having it ripped out from under me, makes you miss it. For me, looking forward to travel is my escape. I booked a trip by myself to Spain for 2 weeks at the end of the month. Leaving on the annv of Bill's death. I wanted to go somewhere that we hadn't been to. Lord, help all of us. We need it.

Comment by Sheri Dettman on August 5, 2018 at 11:09am

Mary Jane, I haven't been on this site for a while now, but I just read your last post. Nobody tells us anything! Or maybe they kind of do, but we have no idea what it means. Or can't believe what it could mean. If I had really known the outcome, I wouldn't have put Bill through the surgery, radiation, etc...but at the time we do the best with the information that we have. I felt the same way about the doctors, the people in the home where my Bill was only there for a couple of weeks (can you believe that I can't even remember the term for the place-I think I've blocked it)! The hospice people were really the only ones who explained anything to me. I have "flashbacks" when I drive the route that goes by the hospital/home/hospice. I pray to God that I never get sick because there is no way I want to go through what my husband did. Only thing I hang onto is that the glioblastoma made it so that he didn't really realize or at least was not in any pain. 10 weeks from diagnosis to death. I'm still reeling in a lot of ways, as I'm sure you are. It was two years ago right at this time. So, yes. Summer pretty much really sucks. I just wish that there was some way that we could prevent our thoughts from going to all the awfulness and instead only concentrate on the good times. If only there was a switch. I tell myself to be grateful every day for the 11 years that I had with him and that I'm able to keep going. I know that a lot of people are a lot worse off. I look for a lot of distractions. And lord knows I have enough work to get done. But it ain't easy. 

Comment by Marsha H on August 5, 2018 at 5:07am

Dear Linda ...  My deepest condolences on the loss of your beloved husband.  All of us here know exactly how you feel and grief is a journey we all must take.  The things I learned from grief was I was stronger than I thought, but after 7 years of my dear Ernie passing from pancreatic cancer at the age of 65 I know I love him like no other and never will until we meet again.  Until then I went through so many emotions in raw grief and it's all normal.  I joined a grief group and it helped to physically see others in the same boat I was in.  Still, my heart ached and I eventually found Legacy which saved my life.  The people on here are so kind (my angels) and we all understand each other whether it's early grief, a few years down the road or several years.  When one falls others will pick you up.  Remember Linda, you are not alone and believe it or not your dear husband is right there with you seeing you over the rough spots. 

We do not judge anyone who posts their feelings and there is always someone around who will answer your post.  I would like to add although I miss my Ernie, I have volunteered and try to keep busy and do what I can with family and friends.  No, it's not the same as when Ernie was around and when he left he took half my heart with him, but I have some life to live and keep on trying.  Sometimes I even surprise myself when I laugh out loud.

Please come back and talk about anything you feel like.  We're listening and we'll help you on this grief journey.



Comment by Trina Mamoon on August 4, 2018 at 6:30pm

Hello Linda,

I am truly sorry for your loss. You are still in he very early stages of grief. In my experience the first few months were absolutely unbearable. Hang in there!

Sending you thoughts of solace and peace.

Hugs, Trina

Comment by Trina Mamoon on August 4, 2018 at 6:28pm

This is how I will always remember Joseph, the love of my life-: a ray of sunshine, happy, smiling, handsome, loving, and kind. Rest in peace, my love until I come to you.

Comment by Trina Mamoon on August 4, 2018 at 6:26pm


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