Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1377
Latest Conversations: yesterday

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

Comment Wall


You need to be a member of Bereaved Spouses to add comments!

Comment by Mary. Jane on April 10, 2018 at 6:37pm

Oh,Deborah..I had to smile at you fog post. OMG, it,s been 2 years and 6 weeks since Bob died, and The FOG has become my permanent residence. I have been this way for so long, I have forgotten that I once was able to remember things, I LOOSE objects 100 times a day..I check to see if I locked the door all the time, cuz I don,t trust the memory I have of doing it...when I know I did it, but cannot remember. Today I went to have my nails done..a friend picked me up..I was smoking in the garage,when I heard her I carefully stubbed out the cigarette, and went out to the car...and second guessed myself..was I sure I put it out? So I made her wait, while I unlocked the door, turned off the alarm..and went into the garage to check...when I KNEW I had carefully put it out..but my addled brain said “you better check cuz you could burn the house down. 

I do this stuff ALL DAY!  I finally found a solution for the many times I LOOSE items I was just holding...I am serious..I ask Bob to find the object I just had...and it works! I am able to find it in a moment when I ask him...sounds like I have lost my mind...

but the very worst thing is since he died I am afraid of EVERYTHING! They are all “what if’s”. Groundless fears..that I build up in my mind to the point of histeria! I actually have to talk myself into thinking sensibly..or trying to.

On a good note..for you...some of the fog is slightly receding. It is a very slow process, but I notice I am finally starting to recal mundane the name of a woman I worked with 40 years ago, etc. I am still stunned when this maybe it is getting better..very slowly. Honestly, it’s the FEAR that is the worst. My mind goes from 0 to 1000 in seconds...things like if the flushing toilet sounds wrong for a millisecond I must have a broken water pipe...I had a large red mark  on my I knew it was a brain tumor...I was terrified for a week till my Dr toldme to switch shampoos..ok, I am done rambling. 

Comment by Susan Farrell on April 9, 2018 at 7:58pm

Thank you Marsha H.  You are so wise, loving and supportive.  I appreciate you giving your time to me and others.

Comment by Marsha H on April 9, 2018 at 3:18pm

Susan F ...  I am so sorry that your boyfriend has passed away and I know it doesn't seem fair.  I am sure all of us are wondering 'why us?'  There are just no answers.  It was wonderful that you boyfriend's ex girlfriend gave you more pictures of him and I hope it gives you peace even if you weren't in his life at that time.  It was gracious of you to give most of your boyfriend's belongings to his son and you were so fortunate his son allowed you to keep his father's ashes.  

When raw grief strikes we want to keep everything the deceased person has or hunt for more things from their past.  That is very normal.  Also it's normal to want to find another boyfriend and it's because we are human, still love our beloved, but, they are gone and we are here and we need the touch of someone hugging us and telling us everything is going to be OK.  

Although I dislike the term, 'it takes time' it's true.  My Ernie has been gone 7 years April 27th and I think of him every single day or even talk out loud to him when there are days I feel alone or wonder what my future holds for me as I'm not a young chick anymore.  I have gotten into a routine, volunteer and try to keep busy, but also I crave to meet someone else to have some sort of future.  I would say for me right now is the loneliness and most of my friends have spouses.  I am not all that thrilled with online dating as I feel uncomfortable with it and sure wish I could meet someone the good old fashion way.  I'm out there, but it sure isn't easy to meet anyone.  So Susan what you are feeling is very normal and after your raw grief settles down please don't feel guilty about wanting someone else in your life in the future.  I am sure your deceased boyfriend would want the best for you.

Comment by Marsha H on April 9, 2018 at 3:07pm

Deborah P ....  It is quite normal after your spouse passes away to feel like you are in a fog and some days even feel like a wet black blanket of depression over your brain is happening not to mention feeling like you are going crazy or walking around as if in an out-of-body experience.  Losing the love of your life be it a spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend is a trauma Post Traumatic Stress which can last a long while with some, but may only last months to a year with others.  The loss is bad enough, but now we are faced with so many uncertainties and in raw grief feeling we are facing a bleak future.  Not true though because as the months to perhaps a year or more (everyone is different) we begin our own routine for our future although it's not an easy path. 

Ernie has been gone now almost 7 years (April 27th) and I miss him every day, but the deep pain of his loss has subsided.  To this day if I have a difficult decision to make I feel at times my brain won't work and I fear making a wrong decision.  We are use to discussing important things we think about with our spouse.  So don't worry so much Deb, this too shall pass.  Try to keep busy, volunteer if you feel like it and get as much rest as possible.  I promise your life will settle into a routine that you feel at peace with and one that gives you some hope for the future.

Comment by Susan Farrell on April 9, 2018 at 12:54pm

I too have felt in a fog at times.  I can't concentrate easily.  I have experienced episodes of crying all day,  and having a feeling I was going crazy.  And the newest and very disturbing symptom is feeling "man crazy".  I feel like I am looking for another man in my life.  My counselor said it is a common thing.  It makes me feel like I am betraying my deceased boyfriend.  I want to feel that same love and caring again.  I hope I am not the only one.  I only had three pictures of John.  I wish I had taken lots of pictures.  I wrote to his ex girlfriend on FB and she kindly sent me pics of John from 20 years ago. I felt jealous that I did not know him when he was well.  I gave his clothes, money and most of his belongings to his son.  I have a few mementos.  His son graciously allowed me to have his ashes and the easel that John's mother used in her career as an artist. And the portrait she painted of John.  I feel so desperate to have more of John.

Comment by deborah peck on April 9, 2018 at 11:35am

this Thursday will be 11 months for me, does anyone else feel like they are in a fog all the time? is this normal? I worry maybe something is wrong with me since I feel out of it most of the time

Comment by deborah peck on April 9, 2018 at 11:33am

Mary Jane, I had 2 readings from John Edwards, both before my husband passed but in one of the readings my mom and dad and my first husband came thru with a message that they had the baby, my niece that died from crib death at 4 months, no one could of known this . would love to have a reading now, both of them were free from calling into radio station he was on

Comment by Sara Murphy on April 7, 2018 at 9:57pm

Mary don't need to feel pressure to sell or donate anything you don't want to.  I have almost all of Ken's personal belongings and I doubt the day will ever come that I get rid of anything.  Your circumstance is different though because you're moving so you do have to pick and choose what you keep.  If I ever move, I'll have to make those same decisions. 

Comment by Mary. Jane on April 7, 2018 at 6:10pm

Oh, no...I know he would b fine with selling the stuff he collected..that is what we were eventually going to do with most of the stuff. It is just sad that the things he thought would bring in more money won,t.  I AM having a tough time with selling some of his personal things...he had a special belt buckle that he loved...and I should sell it...but it is hard to let it go. So you and Marsha are correct...I think I will keep the stuff with memories for awhile, and just sell the meaningless things.  EBay has really changed in the 10 years I was selling. There seems to be a lot of warnings to sellers about scammer buyers...funny, I didnt mind GIVING his two 10 speeds away to a charity..but this little stuff is such a pain in the a$$. Lol

No, I have not seen Tyler Henry...but I am a HUGE fan of Teresa Caputo the Long Island medium...and I would JUMP at the chance to see ANY medium!  

Someday I will tell you about a couple I know, who’s 13 yr old daughter died instantly from an unknown heart failure. They went to see a famous medium..John something, and they were overwhelmed by what they were told. The information was so comforting, and something NO ONE could have known, that her older brother DIDN,t need to see his therapist after, ever again. They got the peace they were seeking. I hope somehow that will happen for you.

Comment by Sara Murphy on April 7, 2018 at 5:29pm

Have any of you heard of Tyler Henry and watched his show, Hollywood Medium?  He's going to be in my area tomorrow and I'm going to see him with a couple friends.  I think it's going to be more of a speaking engagement than a reading but I'm interested to hear what it's like to be a Medium.


Members (1377)


Community Guidelines

Please be respectful of others. For more information, read our Community Guidelines.

Follow Legacy

© 2020   Created by   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service