Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum


Started by Julie. Last reply by DJ Dec 6, 2020. 1 Reply

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31, 2020. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

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Comment by Virginia on July 7, 2010 at 9:38am
Hi Leia,I'm so sorry for your loss.My huxband passed 4-29-09 and we were together 32 yrs. I was also his care giver he was sick for 10 yrs.Even thou he was sick he died suddely from a massive heart attack very unexpected.You are so right about what are you to do now, they were our lives and when you are the care giver it's like a hole opened up in our routene.It's been 14 plus months for me and I still don't know what purpose I'm here for. You said you have great friends so maybe you could let them in on this part of your life. yes they have their spouses but maybe if you engage them in conversation about not having them .ask them what they think they would do without theirs, people don't understand because we don't tell them the WHOLE truth about how it is to now be alone.I have a few close friends one who just runs her husband ragged,screams at him he can't even be comfortable in their home and I tell her she better hope she goes before him amd another does nothing but complain about hers and I tell her to think about what she has now because of him ie: a home and things she wouldn't have if not for him,her kids could care less about her., so maybe if we enlighten them on what we go thru on a dailey bases they might understand I have started telling them all this and it really opens their eyes. we think as a widow or widower no one wants to hear about the pain we are in but I think they don't because they are afraid of upsetting us but you know what if they are true friends they will be willing to listen and if we let them give us some comfort.As far as voluntering their are so many things we can do ie: visit people in nurseing homes or at a animal shelter or a food bank or homeless shelter I also am disabled and the biggest thing that keeps me from doing is the depression I take 2 meds for it and for the most part they work.I find if I sit and think about doing something I won't do it, I just have to get out and do it, time is our enemey. I still have bad and really bad days but I've relized i don't want to live like this because it is not living.There will never be another man in my life I don't want one,but I do want to get out of this house if only for a few hours.
Comment by kathy obiedzinski on July 7, 2010 at 7:03am
antonia: sorry for your loss to tell you the truth there is no ease time from crying anger confusion my husband passed 3/1/09 and i am still going thru all the motions of losing the love of my life. he had a massive heart attack the age of 60. we would have been married 36 years july of this year when this first happened to me i thought i was going to land in a nut house because i could not take the stress anymore. until this day i talk to him asking him to guide me in life i kiss his picture on my cell phone every morning and night time: this keeps me going. i had trouble with depression and still do. it seems that the pain will never go away. antonia this site you will find people in the same situtation as we all are again the tears will not end right away the anger is still there and so are the good memories
Comment by Leia Wright on July 7, 2010 at 12:08am
Hi, I really don't know what I want to say. I am so lost and lonely. My husband died last Aug. 23. It was our anniversary in May (37 yrs) and then his birthday in June. I have two grown sons but although they try, they just don't understand how I feel. They want me to "move on". What does that mean? I spent the last two years being a caregiver and then sitting by his side everyday for almost a year in the nursing home. Now what do I do with all my time?? I want to volunteer, but because of my disabilities it has been difficult to find something. Sometimes I go for days, not dressing, not showering, just sitting in the chair staring at tv. I don't want to leave the house and some of the time I don't want to see anyone or talk to anyone. I have great friends that try, but simply do not understand. They have their husbands. I have read so many entries on hear that are similar to mine. Why is their no answer to grief. I know I am angry. I know I am lost. I pray. But, is God listening? I know I am suffering from depression. Thank God, I have a wonderful christian doctor who is very helpful. I am so dreading the anniversary of his death next month. I don't want to do this alone, but my kids live far away. Thanks for listening.
Comment by Randolph L. Schrader on July 5, 2010 at 11:48pm
I just wanted to say hi to everyone on this site. Patti, you are right in the fact that the second year is just as bad because REALITY has set in. I hope that we all can have our grief and loss ease up somehow. I hope that we can maybe smile once in a while.I hope that we can have this tremendous heavy burden of our loss eased a little. I know that we will never be the same and that our lives will never be the same.As for myself so far, its not going well without my wife. Hugs to all. Hugs are good.
Comment by Patti Baker on July 5, 2010 at 9:59pm
First of all I lost my husband a year ago May 5,2009, it does get easier, the pain will always be with you. I have no idea of ever starting over with ANYONE, when you have had the best there is no second best. I find the second year is worse WHY? because reality has set in, the door is not going to open and he is not going to walk in. I am a real estate broker so my work keeps me busy, the lonliness sets in like tonight when I went to the fireworks with my dog, no one to share them with. I am a strong woman, sometimes I just turn to mush for a few gets better but it is a long road. KIeep busy, enjoy your friends, join a grief group it is good to talk with others in the same boat.........
Comment by deborah diggs on July 5, 2010 at 8:57pm
Hugs to you too Randolph. I wish I had a magic wand that could take away all of our pain,and leave with us warm, comfortable memories....I wish I could make it so we all just experience the passing as a natural turn of events, part of the cycle of life,and that all humans come wired to handle this lovingly without the pain. But this is not the case, but Randolph, one thing grief does is makes us all more loving beings. Having this in common makes us all aware that we are not so different, and if we love ourselves we must send love to others too, and we only need to know that others exist to send love. I pray for you Randolph. It has been 4 months for me, and its so very,very hard. But I hope when it is my time to go, there is someone to love me the way you love your wife.
Comment by deborah diggs on July 5, 2010 at 8:44pm
Sherry, I am so very sorry for your loss. My husband and I were together for 12 years and at times the pain is palpable. People have told me they can feel when I am having an especially hard day. It has been almost 4 months since Byron passed away. It has gotten easier in some ways, but it has the ablity to change from day to day. While I realize that everyone experiences some of the same things, I realize too that everyone's grief is different. Death is the one thing that we all will experience in one way or another. Yet we all bring our unique life experiences to the process. I send your name up in prayer right now. Prayer is what holds me up. Please dont rush yourself. I am impressed by the fact that you do realize that you have the right to go on and to be in love again one day. I know it seems it impossible, I too, feel that way, i am 48 years old, and do not want to spend the rest of my life alone, but I understand what you mean. I too, cannot imagine finding someone else that loved me so much and that I loved so much. I realize now that , all I have to is keep breathing,and putting one foot in front of the other, and be open to all the goodness that God has for us. Thats enough for now. Know that you are loved in the best possible way. Take care. I pray you have a lot of earthly support as well as heavenly support.
Comment by alaine dougherty on July 5, 2010 at 12:43pm
sherry...i am so sorry for your loss. my story is much the same as yours. my husband of almost 34 years died suddenly last july 24. we have 3 grown children and two grandchildren. the thought of starting all over again is very scary. i try to take it one day at a time so i don't get overwhelmed. life can change so quickly. i get up and get going each day because of my kids and grandkids. it still is not easy and some days so tiring. when i talk to others that have lost someone they just say that "time" will soften the pain. our lives are changed forever and we can't do anything about it. you are so new to is not an easy path we are on, especially since we did not choose this path. talking about my husband and writing about him seems to help me somewhat. i can laugh but there is always a shadow of sadness with me. i am sure it will be there for a long time to come. i feel the pain and cry when it hits me. i will keep you in my heart and write helps
Comment by Randolph L. Schrader on July 5, 2010 at 12:28pm
It has been awhile since I had posted anything but there is something I want to share. A man is not supposed to cry. A man is supposed to be strong,collective,take charge,take control and be there for everyone. When my wife of 44 years died suddenly almost 16 months ago, I was NONE of these things.I was brought down hard, still down. I have all the problems most of us and are going thru.I find that with all of the grieving and loss problems, I dont fit in anymore.I just dont fit in anywhere.I was a one woman guy all of my life and she, my pal, is gone.I am alone, out to pasture,no friends, no one to relate to and with.What a way to finish the rest of your life, without your soulmate,friend,ect.Just wanted to share this. Hugs to all. Hugs are good.
Comment by SHERRY A on July 5, 2010 at 11:43am
I lost my husband Paul 06/06/10 after being with him for 31 years, we were together since we were 15 and 17 years old , we have 2 grown children and 7 grandkids. I can't believe this has happened to us, we had our issues but nothing that love couldn't conquer! I truly miss him soooo much, I can't believe that I have to start all over again, there will never be another man that can take his place. I keep myself prayed up each and everyday and that is the only reason that I have made it so far, please be encouraged everyone and pray without ceasing God will get us through!!!!

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