Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum


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Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31, 2020. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

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Comment by Liz on February 22, 2010 at 5:43am
If you have actual proof it was all in vain that your husband died- by that i mean it was through someone else's fault- then by all means truly consider going forward with a lawyer etc... but i have a feelling the reason everyone - being his mom etc- are telling you to let it go is bc no matter what you do- the end result is still the same. You are on this earth without him. Sad but true. But if this fight will help you move on and will help in any way... go for it.
If I wanted to- I could actually go after a person that initiated what led to my husband's death... but in my mind- its not worth it. I miss my husband with every breath i take... but no matter what- it will not bring him, i have decided to focus on the here and now and my kids and healing myself... its what my husband would have wanted. What would your husband have wanted? What would you have wanted if the situation were reversed? These are two questions that have gotten me through the past 13 months of healing....
Comment by Jan on February 22, 2010 at 1:40am
Katy - go for it. Before my husband passed away he was with me for 2 seperate surgeries and on both accounts he found me barely breathing and coded with out anyone else noticing. My daughter is a nurse and she said only a small portion of the people that
actually work and monitor the patients don't even have a 4 yr degree. My nerve block broke and filled my system full of narcotics to last for a week. Alot of these hospitals are understaffed or use technical grads who are required to work out side of their training. You were not specific so I don't know if this helps. Hospitals and dr. are fallable!! My in-laws talked me into things I wish I had not done when my husband passed. Then I went numb and didn't do anything. I mean nothing. But depending on your state we have a 2 yr statue of limitation of 2 years.
If you need to do it, then do it. The sooner the better because hospital personnel constantly turns.
Good Luck, jan
Comment by diane Toffelmire on February 21, 2010 at 8:10pm
I am new to this site and I wish I had known about it a year ago. My husband passed away in his sleep,a year ago Jan. 11. We were married just short of 47 years. I miss him very much. I've been thru all the stages of grief they tell you about. It doesn't help the lonliness one feels. I kept his ashes here as our sons made his urn, he would be so proud of them.I am learning to have fun again and not feel guilty about doing it. They say it gets easier as time goes by. In my case it isn't easy, just have to keep going and work at it .I still have days when all I do is cry.Every thing in the house has a memory.As far as everything gets better, I don't say it's better it's just that life goes on and you readjust. Things are still tough at times for me I just live one day at a time and try to be optimistic. Don't try and rush thru your grieving, give yourself the time you need to get thru it. Lean on your friends and family. Enough for now.
Comment by Rachel on February 21, 2010 at 4:52am
My fiancee Mike died on Feb 6th. We were going to get married on Valentines Day. I am 3 months pregnant, we had tried for a few months before it happened. I love him so much- I feel cheated of the rest of our lives, we had so much left to do. We didn't have even close to enough time together. I can't accept that I will never hold him or talk or look at him again, that he won't see our baby.
Comment by alan demetri on February 19, 2010 at 11:22pm
Hi everyone this is more of a question then a comment,I know meany of you have resent loses,but im needing two know if there is anyone who is looking a year are more out from the loss of there love'd one.Next month well be two years i went though the frist year in a fog but the closer i get to march 17 the worse i feel.WHAT do i do on that day i have had at least two dreams about my wife this month alone ,i only had that happened one are two times in the two years scince her death.I know it sounds crazy but it's what happened.I don't know if i should go to the grave sight or just try not think about it.I grew up in the military and was never close to any of my family so i never had someone i realy love'd die so loseing my wife was my frist experance with death.I can't make up my mind what to do on that day it's bad anoff i have to live in the same house she die'd in.Iv thought about getting a motel for that night so any suggestions about what i should do that day would be useful im and i would be greatful. alan d.
Comment by Mary on February 19, 2010 at 11:20pm
My husband of 29 years just passed away. No grief support group at my church so I am looking ...
Comment by Helen Carll on February 19, 2010 at 5:18pm
Today our house was sold which we owned for less than four years. It caused us a lot of worry and expense and although it was a good looking house, we did not enjoy it as much as we should have. We moved from the country (owned over 5 acres of land) to be closer to our doctors and hospitals. And the sorry part of that was it made no difference in extending Jim's life. We had a very bad experience with his doctors and the hospital when Jim was there last, but I will save this story for another time. I am still grieving after almost 9 months because I lost my companion and closest friend and I still remember what we were doing a year ago. For instance, we would be in Florida right now enjoying better weather than where I am now. We were being going out to dinner, the movies, senior expos and still sightseeing after 15 years of going there. My heart is breaking and I do not know what I can do, except pray to God that Jim comes back to me in good health. I know that seems silly, but I do believe in miracles. Then I think - how will he feel knowing the house is gone although we talked about selling. He finally decided that it would be better if we stayed in this house because he knew that his time was short. I am crying right now thinking about my adorable husband. Please don't leave me Jim. I am lost without you.
Comment by Star on February 19, 2010 at 10:24am
Marta, it's been 2 weeks and I also don't feel my hubby like I thought I would. Everyone is telling me that now I have someone to watch over me, but I really am having a hard time accepting that b/c I don't feel that he's here. But sometimes when I get in a car and the first song that comes on is one that he used to sing to me or I to him, it makes me think that he's near even though I cant feel him. Which makes me happy and sad at the same time. I really don't know what signs to look for, but believe me I'm looking hard. I just need some comfort, I guess, in knowing that even though he's not here physically he didn't leave me completely.
Comment by Katy on February 18, 2010 at 9:37pm
hi all

kathleen, lois, and tom, thank you for responding.

this, to me, is a safe place to go. it is safe to vent and feel hurt frustrated sad, and depressed. i find myself checking in every evening, and i read every email i receive and really take in what that person's story is, and respond. this has helped me immensely. i was just so, you know, depressed, and within my own misery that night. i know i want a quick fix, and i know even more there is none. none here, or anywhere.

waking up every day and feeling nothing is so hard. at least, after 6 weeks, i dont wake up and have to think for a few moments, 'is this real, did this happen, yep it did', then bury myself under for a few more hours. now, i wake up and think, 'is this real, did this happen, yep it did', then i lay there and stare for quite some time before i get up. they say that is progress.

thank you all so much for being here.

i am sorry for my cynical sorry attitude.
Comment by Chris B on February 17, 2010 at 9:46pm
I don't know about anyone else, but for me there are times that I just need to say how I'm feeling, to an audience that might have a chance of understanding, because gods know my friends can't. And I wouldn't wish for them to. So I don't want to burden them with how miserable I'm feeling having lost the love of my life and the man I spent the past 17 years of my life with. I don't want to upset them about the days that it feels like there's a hole ripped in my heart that I doubt will ever be filled. I don't want them to try to imagine "what it feels like", because even if they do try to imagine it, it pales in comparison to the reality.

Only people who have been there can understand, and there are times I just need somewhere that I can post how much I'm hurting without feeling like I'm interfering with someone else's "happy ever after". For the most part, I restrict it to my blog, but sometimes I need to feel like someone's listening instead of just talking to empty air.

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