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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1376
Latest Conversations: Sep 29

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by Steve G. on December 25, 2019 at 11:06am

I guess it is at this time of the year we find ourselves pondering about where our life has taken us from childhood to today while wondering what the future may or may not bring.
There are lots of points in my life that were good and some not so good, the one day that still stands out the most is November 30, 2014. On this fateful date I would lose the love of my life. We knew that this day would come for each of us, but not now - maybe tomorrow or sometime in the future.
This was not to be. I could not begin to explain the depth of loneliness nor the sheer shock of what was happening in my life. Like most folks I saw my future as bleak and full of sorrow and sadness, for my life was over, my reason for being had lost its luster.
It is at just such times that we lose ourselves in grief and anger, and yet we continue to go through the motions of each day’s tasks, not caring for any tomorrows and feeling so hurt inside knowing that everyone around you did not understand, most feeling helpless not knowing what to say.
I found this site online a few months after Mark’s passing. I joined and then waited for the email to let me become a member. It came the next day and I spent several hours trying to write my first post and then I sat there, tears streaming down my face, afraid to hit the comment button. Once I did I closed my laptop and cried myself to sleep. The next morning, my phone started dinging with alerts from Legacy, so I opened one up and began to read the responses. Each one began to lead me out of my darkness - suddenly I was not alone and not just drifting into each day.
Little did I know that this site would bring together two people who were so opposite and yet feeling as if we were long lost friends at the same time. “Crazy” is what I thought - too soon to burden myself with actual feelings for a total stranger and yet could it be right, no it did not feel right. At first my thought was to lay low and not comment on his posts until one day a very dear friend on this site commented “there is another gay person on this site, should he want to make himself known". I was struck with laughter and suddenly embarrassed that I was just reading his posts and not commenting. So, I took the leap and replied to his latest post. I was careful with what I said - in fact I do not remember what I posted. His response to me was quite a surprise, his writing and expression of words knocked me down. I was more intrigued than ever. I checked each day to see what he said, and that, dear friends, is how we found each other. I do not believe in chance or luck, so there was something bigger working to cause our paths to cross and to become the same path.
I call it a miracle, that two strangers could find each other that needed each other to lean on, to help each other and most of all to understand each other with acceptance and love. Our journey together continues, each day we both face challenges from our pasts and each day we support each other with trust, understanding and knowing that all the while, the human heart can be broken, but also the human heart has room for more love than one can imagine.
I still miss Mark and Chuck still misses Larry, we both agree that they had a hand in our finding each other and that in of itself is a wonderful feeling.
Life continues for each one of us - we all have challenges and we all manage to greet each new day given to us with the understanding that this life is just a temporary moment in time. Wishing one and all a better New Year and a very peaceful Christmas Day.

Comment by Sara Murphy on December 25, 2019 at 9:46am

Thinking of my Legacy family and wishing you all a peaceful Christmas and healthy New Year.

Chicago....so happy you found love again.  Same for Chuck and Steve.  You all give me the inspiration that I can hope to maybe find love again someday and not feel guilty about it.

Love to you all,

Sara 

Comment by Chicago Beard on December 25, 2019 at 12:51am

Mary Jane. you are so right, I have been blessed. Twice blessed. Something I wish for everyone here! Thank you!

Comment by Mary. Jane on December 25, 2019 at 12:47am

Chicago..now you know your TRUE friends...they care enough about you to accept who YOU care about too. Rose will always be in your heart...but life goes on..and it is wonderful you found s new love. If I were to meet someone, I cared for, why not?  Just because we lost someone we cared for deeply, doesn,t mean we have to die when they do..I figure this new person was “meant to be”  and you still have many years left. Don,t feel guilty..you,ve been blessed! You were put here to live your best life...So rejoice, and enjoy your holidays.   

Comment by Deb on December 24, 2019 at 6:13pm

Merry Christmas to all on here and all the best for a happy and healthy 2020. 

Love, Deb

Comment by Marsha H on December 24, 2019 at 3:54pm

A Merry Christmas to my dear family.  I wish you all peace and as much joy as possible and praying 2020 will be a much better year for all of you.  

Much Love

Marsha

xxxx 

Comment by Chicago Beard on December 24, 2019 at 3:12pm

Just stopping by to wish my legacy family a joyous holiday season. Times like this are tough on all of us. Fortunately for me the friends Rose and I had did not abandon me and have accepted the lady I am with now. Hoping everyone can get through this time and still enjoy themselves with family and friends. 

Comment by Mary. Jane on December 24, 2019 at 11:14am

I want to echo everyone’s Christmas greetings...and say how very grateful I am for all of the wonderful people here. I am so happy we all started posting again.

Melinda, her hubby and I aren,t really doing anything today, or tomorrow..they are kind of humbug people, jaded by the bullsh*t of Christmas...they live 40 minutes from me, in the Redwood Forest, but we ARE having a family celebration on the 26th, driving 3 hours to the gold country.for 3 days..hubbys parents are getting RE-Married on their 50th anniversary, about 25 out of town guests staying at one nice hotel....but it should b fun..and YES I am bringing my KITTY..but will have to keep him in his giant covered play pen in the room that I will sneak him in..while I am not in the room..after the Kincaid fire episode, I will NOT leave him alone..

Today, I am delivering small  boxes of Sees candy to 5 of my closest neighbors, to thank them for all their help since I moved here...and on Christmas Day Melinda is coming over, and we r watching The Greatest Showman... she got me the DVD for Christmas and has never seen it.WONDERFUL MOVIE!!! 

There is a wonderful song called THIS IS ME from the movie which I have adopted as my personal anthem..about making no apologies for who you are.

So that’s it for now, kids. Wishing you all the happiest holiday every...bye for now

Comment by Steve G. on December 24, 2019 at 10:23am

"Legends say that hummingbirds float free of time, carrying our hopes for love, joy and celebration. The hummingbird's delicate grace reminds us that life is rich, beauty is everywhere, every personal connection has meaning and that laughter is life's sweetest creation".

A special wish for a merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year to all our Legacy family of very special friends.

Steve and Chuck

Comment by deborah peck on December 24, 2019 at 10:16am

I just wanted to tell everyone Merry Christmas and pray that everyone has a good day, love and hugs to all of you

 

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