Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum


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Comment by Steve G. on December 20, 2019 at 9:26am

Deborah P

Any funeral seems too long, some of the things we do as humans do seem to draw out and drag our emotions to new heights.  Life does go on and we adapt, for me my sadness goes and goes when I remember my sister, my dad, my mother, grandmother and grandfather.   I look up and I have one Aunt and Uncle left and a handful of cousins, most of whom I only see on FB.

Like you, I have my favorite Christmas movies and for a while my thoughts are lifted.  One of my most favorite of all is "Mame", there is one song  called "we need a little Christmas" always make me happy and yes I usually am wiping a few happy tears away.  Sounds silly to some, but I am a fan of any movie that has a happy ending.

You need not apologize to any of us for feeling down, give yourself some attention, watch your movies, even give yourself a present.

We are all here for you, nothing you can say will upset or offend any of us.

Take of yourself first, the rest will fall into place.

Much love and many hugs to you!


Comment by deborah peck on December 20, 2019 at 9:10am

Although my family will all be here for Christmas day I just want it all over with, Ive tried really hard to get into the Christmas spirit this year but instead just feel this overwhelming sadness, I know I am truly blessed to have family all around me when some have No one. today we lay my brother in law to rest, two weeks after the funeral. Jefferson Barricks military cemetary finally gave the go ahead, seems like it just never ends with this death, my parents and my first husband are all laid to rest at this cematary  so I will be putting pointsettas on all their graves, maybe after this is done I will feel more like celebrating, we will see . Don't mean to sound so down, its just been the longest funeral Ive ever known and now the holidays are here . So tonight I am going to do some shopping, coming home to wrap presents and watch Christmas movies which I love but seems so wrong when I know what my sis is going thru, but as we know life goes on.

Comment by Mary. Jane on December 19, 2019 at 2:32pm

   This Christmas time has been both an odd times, but sprinkled with good things, but I feel a sense of having almost lost something that I feel is still here, but I cannot find it. 

Bob hated Christmas.. I LOVED it, but cuz it annoyed him, I rarely played the radio..I just sang all thru the was impossible for him to curtail my singing..but he controlled the radio and CD.s

soooo, this year I have been playing music for weeks, and heard bits of a wonderful song..which I thought was NEW. It wasn,t Cheesy or my SHOCK it was by Emerson, Lake and Palmer..1975! I discovered it is .called Father Christmas..and finally played it on You Tube..and he words blew me away. To me, it kinda of fits my life, and loss and hope for accepting it.

So I give you this link, and urge you, if u r unfamiliar with the song, note the last verse.I think this is Bobs Christmas gift to me, from wherever he is.

Comment by Steve G. on December 19, 2019 at 12:37pm

Christmas will be me and Chuck, no tree, just candles in the window and a wreath on the door.  This year will not do turkey or ham.  Instead, we splurged for two nice steaks.

New year's eve we will watch the festivities on TV.

We all deal with this time of the year as best we can.

It passes and each new day is a gift.

Comment by Mary. Jane on December 19, 2019 at 11:16am

No, Virginia’s..everyone is NOT spending the holidays as Madison Avenue would have you believe, swilling eggnog, carving a turkey, opening gifts, as they watch the gentle snow fall. 

I too, will be alone with my cat on Christmas Eve, and day...I also have two tiny trees, (and a wreath that was a gift on Thanksgiving).

I was GOING to buy a small tree for this new dwelling..but it just seemed like too much I didn,t.I still have moving boxes unpacked as my energy level tanked, so I sure as hell didn,t  have the fortitude to decorate a tree.LOL

You are not alone...a large percentage of people are just like us...we are spoon fed a diet of a fantasy Christmas by the media...when truth be told, it just isn,t like that for so many people. 

Yes, this year I will be near my daughter but we have no plans,at Christmas, as we are attending an out of town wedding two days after Christmas..but on the 24th and 25th I too, will be alone. So let’s all,Post HERE  on those days..for (pardon my pun) “comfort and joy” Maybe we can get our kitties to FACE TIME with each tho I doubt they would be interested.Lol.

Comment by Marsha H on December 16, 2019 at 4:31pm

Steve ...  Thanks so much for the recipe for pear cake.  It sounds so delicious and I'll follow what you recommend.



Comment by Steve G. on December 16, 2019 at 1:20pm

P.S. It was deliciously decadent.

Comment by Steve G. on December 16, 2019 at 9:08am
Comment by Steve G. on December 16, 2019 at 8:44am


Pear Cake
3 large egg
2 cups sugar
1-1/2 cups vegetable oil - I chose to use 1 cup (which makes batter stiffer)
3 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
1-1/2 cups finely chopped peeled pears (about 2 medium)- I substituted 4 pears, boiled and mashed made about 2 cups and when added to batter it had a better consistency.
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Glaze (I decided not to use)
1-1/4 cups confectioners' sugar
2 tablespoons whole milk
In a large bowl, beat eggs on medium speed. Gradually add sugar and oil; beat thoroughly. Combine the flour, cinnamon, salt and baking soda; add to egg mixture and mix well. Stir in pears and vanilla. (The batter will be stiff, mine was not.)
Spoon or pour into a greased and floured 10-in. tube pan. Bake at 350° for 60-65 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Let cool in pan 10 minutes before inverting onto a serving plate.

I did not use the glaze
In a small bowl, combine the confectioners' sugar and milk; beat until smooth. Drizzle over warm cake. Cool completely.

Comment by Marsha H on December 14, 2019 at 5:23am

Mary.Jane ...  We're going to make up a special diploma for you, frame it and send it to you.  LOL  Seriously, love your posts and you often make me laugh.  If it weren't for you kicking butt around here then people wouldn't be posting so much.

Big hugs



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