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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Apr 10. 4 Replies

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Started by denise. Last reply by Marsha H Oct 25, 2017. 4 Replies

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Comment by Sara Murphy 3 hours ago

Mary Jane....I too worry about all the house stuff that I never thought twice about.   It's not stupid for you to stress about your direct tv box dying.  For me, I don't have children so I have somewhat of a mental list of who I would call for help with car issues, electronic issues, plumbing etc.  This was all Ken's domain and now I have to deal with everything and it's stressful. 

Currently my stress is related to my father's health declining.  He was in the hospital last weekend then on Monday night/Tues morning at 3am, I had to take one of my sisters to the hospital.  I really never wanted to step foot in a hospital again after all Ken and I had been through but at least I didn't have to go to Mass General.  That would be tough.

Wishing you all a peaceful night.

Sara

Comment by Sara Murphy 3 hours ago

Chuck...Good to hear from you.  Diane is right, your church story is inspirational.  I spend a lot of time these days wondering what I'm still doing here, what my purpose is.  Your story helps me have faith that God does have a purpose for me, he just hasn't shown it to me yet but will in due time.  I'm glad you recognized that you needed to be in church on that day.  Not only did you help a new member but he helped you through a tough day, possibly without even knowing it. 

Please pass along my belated birthday wishes to Steve.

Love,

Sara

Comment by Mary. Jane 9 hours ago

I also tend to worry when this ste is quiet. LOL. Especially if I am having a sad day, and it is quiet here..I figure others are having good days, and I don,t want to bum anyone out. Lol

i have been quiet lately, but not from sadness..I have had a lot of silly stress issues..which have disrupted my life, which caused my Epstein Barr to REALLY kick in. Any small disruption sends me from 0-5000 in seconds on the fear-meter, which ends up making me really sick. This last week has been one of the worst ever..over something a stupid as my master bedroom Direct TV box dying. For good. Ironically, I had been wanting to “cut the cable” and this was my chance..so I hooked up a regular antenna and have been using it since..and I am not happy...because since Bob died, ANY unexpected, lengthy change in my normal routine sends me over the edge.  Is anyone else like this?  I do ok with PLANNED disruptions, like vacations, but unplanned major (to me) things I fall apart.

Comment by Diane C 13 hours ago

Hi Chuck,

Nice to hear from you as always. Glad to hear you made it through the anniversary. That is always so hard, but you did it!!! Your church story was very inspirational. So glad you decided to go and what a nice surprise for the new gentleman at church. What a blessing to have you and Steve in his path! I am working on my 6th year here. Hard to believe Rich has been gone 6 years on Aug. 1st. I do not use Facebook either, so I will not be active on that site. This is my home and has been since the day I joined in 2012. I don't often post much, but I read it every day. If I feel I can help someone I jump in. With the knowledge that some of us "oldies" are staying put, I will keep checking in, and adding my two cents worth occasionally.

Please give Steve a belated Happy Birthday hug from me.

Love,

Diane

Comment by Diane C 13 hours ago

Good to hear from you Marsha, as always!! Good luck with all that spring cleaning. Weather is still cold and rainy here. We had one spring day in the last few weeks. I am in the middle of moving my uncle (81) and mom (84) into separate nursing homes. Cleaning out my uncles apartment right now. He has to be out by the end of the month. Then I will move on to my moms house in the near future. Working full time and taking care of them just became too much for me alone. But hopefully this is the right move. Very hard emotional decisions to make, but this is best for both of them health wise. Again, good to hear from you!

Comment by Charles E. Nelson yesterday

Hi Dianne C, and everyone,

Someone once said "Be careful when you shake the tree... you never know what will fall out!" I guess you shook the tree for me, and I too am glad to hear from you. As officially now an older member I suppose (2 1/2 years) I also think of the people who were posting often when I was newer.

I believe Marsha must be correct about Facebook, but I don't use that either.

I want to especially thank Sara for remembering my three year anniversary of losing Larry, and Mary Jane - both of your wishes are more appreciated than you could imagine. For the days leading up to Sunday the 15th, I was trying to occupy myself with simple plans for Steve's 71st birthday on the 20th, but in the background my edginess and trouble sleeping should have tipped me off to the fact that the date was looming large nevertheless. I said to Steve I didn't know what was the matter with me, to which he calmly replied that I was like this last April also, and it's perfectly normal and to be expected. I was wondering if I would be able to attend our church Sunday, which is small and intimate. I feel like I have friends there, but they don't all know my circumstances, and I was afraid of getting emotional during the service and making everyone uncomfortable. That morning after dressing and gathering my things, Steve gently said we could stay home if I wanted. I said no, I needed a good dose of God's help today. As we entered the lobby of the building, our pastor quickly nabbed us and introduced us to a gentleman who just moved to Dallas from Phoenix, and had also lost his husband just last July after 22 years together. Pastor Bob asked us to "take him under our wings", and I felt the most beautiful sense of God's presence telling me this is why I needed to come today - to help someone else, just like we do for each other here on Legacy. I think he was moved and comforted to find two guys who instantly understood his situation having gone through it ourselves, and I hope he returns next week.

Anyway, I got through the day without too much "damage" emotionally, and although it still feels like I am a stranger in a strange (very strange sometimes indeed) land, I am doing well, as is Steve - life has it's challenges for us both, but like the song says, we're still standing!

Diane, you are sweet to worry about us old-timers - I am a bit of a mother hen myself (ask Steve), and yet I now have faith that our silent members are busy with the good things that arrive with the gradual healing for which we all pray - for ourselves and for each other. If anyone can feel the vibes I'm sending out to them , they know they are not and never will be forgotten - they all played a tremendous role in my own finding strength and peace with the help of this loving family. I especially pray that the newer members, whose painful journey is just begun, know that there is light ahead for them - something we who are further along on our own paths can assure them.

Love to all, and God Bless Everyone,

Chuck

Comment by Marsha H yesterday

Dear Deb C ...  It's great to see you post.  Since Legacy has introduced Facebook most of the newer members seem to go there (I don't and a few others don't ...  us older members.)  I have my ups and downs trying to figure out my new life, but it's not all bad.  Been cleaning out cupboards, closets, drawers, the garage and finally we're getting some sunshine so busy out in the garden as well. 

I hope you are well and I do think of you often.  I miss the old crowd.  

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Diane C yesterday

Hello to all,

Just wondering what happened to everyone. It has been so quiet here for quite a while. I hope everyone is doing ok. Just worried about all the people that are normally on this site.....

Comment by Mary. Jane on Sunday

Oh Sara..thank you for posting that for Chuck. (I am deplorable at remembering important days)

That is so thoughtful..I would like to add my good hopes that the days passes with only wonderful memories of Larry. 

Comment by Sara Murphy on Sunday

Chuck.....thinking of you tonight.  I know tomorrow is the 3 yr anniversary of Larry's passing.  Hope you and Steve are well.

 

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