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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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Latest Conversations: 9 hours ago

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Bad day

Started by David Heggi 21 hours ago. 0 Replies

New member

Started by denise. Last reply by Marsha H Oct 25. 4 Replies

Need Advice:Grief and Chronic Fatigue

Started by Kaela Roster Federle. Last reply by Kaela Roster Federle Sep 25. 27 Replies

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Comment by deborah diggs on July 5, 2010 at 8:44pm
Sherry, I am so very sorry for your loss. My husband and I were together for 12 years and at times the pain is palpable. People have told me they can feel when I am having an especially hard day. It has been almost 4 months since Byron passed away. It has gotten easier in some ways, but it has the ablity to change from day to day. While I realize that everyone experiences some of the same things, I realize too that everyone's grief is different. Death is the one thing that we all will experience in one way or another. Yet we all bring our unique life experiences to the process. I send your name up in prayer right now. Prayer is what holds me up. Please dont rush yourself. I am impressed by the fact that you do realize that you have the right to go on and to be in love again one day. I know it seems it impossible, I too, feel that way, i am 48 years old, and do not want to spend the rest of my life alone, but I understand what you mean. I too, cannot imagine finding someone else that loved me so much and that I loved so much. I realize now that , all I have to is keep breathing,and putting one foot in front of the other, and be open to all the goodness that God has for us. Thats enough for now. Know that you are loved in the best possible way. Take care. I pray you have a lot of earthly support as well as heavenly support.
Comment by alaine dougherty on July 5, 2010 at 12:43pm
sherry...i am so sorry for your loss. my story is much the same as yours. my husband of almost 34 years died suddenly last july 24. we have 3 grown children and two grandchildren. the thought of starting all over again is very scary. i try to take it one day at a time so i don't get overwhelmed. life can change so quickly. i get up and get going each day because of my kids and grandkids. it still is not easy and some days so tiring. when i talk to others that have lost someone they just say that "time" will soften the pain. our lives are changed forever and we can't do anything about it. you are so new to this...it is not an easy path we are on, especially since we did not choose this path. talking about my husband and writing about him seems to help me somewhat. i can laugh but there is always a shadow of sadness with me. i am sure it will be there for a long time to come. i feel the pain and cry when it hits me. i will keep you in my heart and write anytime..it helps
alaine
Comment by Randolph L. Schrader on July 5, 2010 at 12:28pm
It has been awhile since I had posted anything but there is something I want to share. A man is not supposed to cry. A man is supposed to be strong,collective,take charge,take control and be there for everyone. When my wife of 44 years died suddenly almost 16 months ago, I was NONE of these things.I was brought down hard, still down. I have all the problems most of us and are going thru.I find that with all of the grieving and loss problems, I dont fit in anymore.I just dont fit in anywhere.I was a one woman guy all of my life and she, my pal, is gone.I am alone, out to pasture,no friends, no one to relate to and with.What a way to finish the rest of your life, without your soulmate,friend,ect.Just wanted to share this. Hugs to all. Hugs are good.
Comment by SHERRY A on July 5, 2010 at 11:43am
I lost my husband Paul 06/06/10 after being with him for 31 years, we were together since we were 15 and 17 years old , we have 2 grown children and 7 grandkids. I can't believe this has happened to us, we had our issues but nothing that love couldn't conquer! I truly miss him soooo much, I can't believe that I have to start all over again, there will never be another man that can take his place. I keep myself prayed up each and everyday and that is the only reason that I have made it so far, please be encouraged everyone and pray without ceasing God will get us through!!!!
Comment by Dorcas Cummings on July 4, 2010 at 9:27pm
I lost my husband a year ago today. He died last year July 4th, 2009. So July 4th is pretty hard for me. I was suppose to visit his grave site today. I could not bring myself to do it. I feel guilty. I know in do time I will go to visit him at the grave site. God and my 3 children are the only ones keeping me together. I'm a single parent now and it has been very difficult for me to adjust to normalcy. I thank God for this grief website because now I know I'm not by myself. It's hard talking to people who don't understand the grief you are going through. Thanks again for just listening to me it really means a lot. My sympathy for everyone on this website going through this these trying times. May God be with us all. Thank you
Dorcas
Comment by Suzanne on July 4, 2010 at 9:00pm
Has anyone heard of a hotline for the depressed. I just all of a sudden start sobbing even though it's been over 5 months. I can't stop and while I know I won't harm myself I just can't stop myself from knowing I can't live without him one more day, one more minute, and I will stop crying eventually but all this sadness everyone is going through is so hard to live with. I sit there watching TV alone after doing the laundry (I once did it for the both of us) putting the clothes away, having my own dinner alone, and then the tears start. I am so tired of the tears. I heard before they are supposed to be cleansing, but it only makes me feel worse when I can't stop. That's ok, it comes and goes, I'll get over it. Hope everyone else is ok.
Comment by Joan on July 2, 2010 at 10:48pm
To Liz: Never hide your grief. Never hold it back from loved ones or friends. They will think you are stoic and removed from the deep pain you are trying to hide. Let it reveal itself when it rears is grieving head. Never let anyone know you are handling things when you are not. It's a lie to you and a lie to your family. You need their support now more than ever. Let them know you are human and that you are needy because you loved someone so much you are grieved and grieving. It 's the human thing to do not to stuff it down where it will hurt you. Think about this and make sure your grieving is authentic to the loss of your loved one. He or she deserves that much of your love and devotion. If you have loved deeply, you will grieve deeply. I know. I am there right now and I grieve openly because I loved my John above all else. Please don't cut yourself from your humanity. Seek God and seek peace from Him, the prince of peace. Joan
Comment by deborah diggs on July 2, 2010 at 9:08pm
Hi everyone,
My Byron died march 16, 2010. I know you all know what this feels like. I have all the big understandings and have heard all the platitudes, and I have a lot of rationale about why my husband died at 51 and left me a widow at 48. Bottom line I miss him, I cant turn off my mind, I cant stop longing for him, I cant stop the pain. Reason and rationale have no place here. We want our spouses back. I truly did not want my husband to suffer, but I didn't want any of it to happen. I wish he didnt have ESRD, I wish he didnt get an infection, I wish he didn't have a heart attack and then a stroke within days of each other, I wish the antibiotics could have stopped the sepsis...I miss the smiles, the underwear on the bathroom floor after his shower, I miss him watching sports all day long, i miss our dates, I miss all the stuff that annoyed me.(smile). His birthday is this month, and so is our anniversary....This weekend is so hard....We always spent time together...Atlantic CIty ,Inner Harbor,Maryland, Upstate New york,,or anywhere as long we were together. i cant shut off my mind...The memories are so painful!!!!!!!! beautiful but painful...I will pray for you all,,,pray for me...I sometimes wish I were not here anymore....But each morning I wake up and gfet back to doing this life thing without him. SOOO hard.
Comment by Donna Bills on July 2, 2010 at 8:33pm
Dear Nina pain never goes away and even though you try really hard to pretend things are ok they never are it has been 3 years since my husband died and I haven't cried since the day he died. I find it hard even to wake up in the morning
Comment by Donna Bills on July 2, 2010 at 8:30pm
I lost my husband and we weren't even married 4 years yes I do feel lost and lonely and I don't want to even particpate in anything any more.
 

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