Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


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Comment by Connie on September 13, 2010 at 10:50pm
Life really stinks when you are going through what we are. It seems like the days go by and I am just wandering around trying to do something constructive with my life but not accomplishing anything. I manage to keep the house clean but it takes me forever to do it. My grandaughter asked me to make homemade soup and noodles for her. I used to be able to do it without any problem. I finally got the soup made tonight but the noodles will have to wait until tomorrow morning. The world is just turning and turning and no one will stop it and let us catch up with it. I hate the lonliness. Now with the season changing and darkness coming earlier each day, the nights are so long that it just seems as though they will never end. I cannot get interested in my needlepoint. Nothing really matters anymore. I wait for the day that I can be with my husband again. Well, with the heart problems that they are finding again, maybe my wish will be granted before too long. That's all I can hope for now.
Comment by Randolph L. Schrader on September 13, 2010 at 8:03pm
Kay and to all,it seems we all are falling behind and if only; the world would slow and life would let up that we could maybe figure out what we are to do now. But nooo. So here we are pondering.Life has changed for the worse and all we are left with is emptiness and loneliness to make sense out of it. Please 'thank God for allowing you that time together". A plaque I read somewhere. Hugs to all. Hugs are good.
Comment by Kay Arcuni on September 13, 2010 at 5:22pm
Well it will be 4 weeks tomorrow and I have just hit another wall. Right now I am just so mad at him for not being here to help me. How will I be able to keep all he worked so hard to make for us. Why can't everything just stop moving so I can catch up. I feel like I am falling behind and I will never beable to catch up. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING IT WASN'T SUPPOSE TO BE THIS WAY!!!!!!
Comment by Marlena on September 13, 2010 at 5:17pm
Me, too! I still can't part with any of Tom's things and it will be 18 months on the 16th. I can't bear the thought of getting rid of anything because it feels as if I'd be letting go of him, too...and I won't be able to do that ever.
My mom thought she was helping me out by suggesting we put all of his coats and things away a few weeks after the funeral and then again a few months later. I made it very clear to her that was NOT happening. She hasn't asked since. Good thing, cuz I think I'd lose it on her. He's a part of me, a part of this house, he isn't going anywhere. I can't just pack up almost 28 years of togetherness and hide it away like it didn't exist.
I agree with what works best for you.
Comment by Randolph L. Schrader on September 13, 2010 at 4:10pm
Kay, Debbie, Chrystal. Its been almost 17 months since LouAnn died suddenly. I have not thown her things away or touched them. Her shirt and pants are still hanging on the vacuum cleaner handle where she put them to take a nap. I sniffed all her smell out though. Just do what is comfortable to YOU. YOU will know when and how to do things, it will be up to you. There are no rules or instructions and YOU are the final judge. Hugs to all. Hugs are good.
Welcome back Virginia !!!
Comment by Virginia on September 13, 2010 at 2:36pm
Hi everyone, Thank you Randy you are a sweetheart, and thank you to those sending their best wishes and Connie H,I hope you get to feeling better soon,I'm glad to be feeling better still a bit weak but thats to be expected as i've been on the couch and in the recliner for a week. Hopefully this will be it for awhile but you never know. I will post later but just wanted to say thank you Randy and everyone else. God Bless and hugs to all.
Comment by chrystal click on September 13, 2010 at 12:51pm
I dont think I can ever get rid of any of Johns things. Tomorow will be the 1 month mark.I sleep with 1 of his pillows and our boys fight over the other,I hold on to the stuffed animal he got me for v-day., sleep in his shirts.I still have the clothes from the hospital. i know it's going to take a long time before I can deal with anything.My youngest son's birthday is in 8 days.He keeps asking if daddy can come home for his birthday..He says he will be a very good boy. I have to tell him that daddy can't come home he's in heaven watching over us with his older brother..
Comment by Kay Arcuni on September 13, 2010 at 10:53am
All Joe's stuff is exactly where he left it. The only stuff I got rid of right away was the stuff we brought home from the hospital. I like his things there that means he's there.
Comment by Debbie Treadway on September 13, 2010 at 7:45am
Kay, nothing weird about that. It has been less than a month since he passed away. I sleep hugging his pillow every night. Still have not unpacked the stuff I brought home from the hospital. Just can't seem to look at it.
Comment by Randolph L. Schrader on September 13, 2010 at 5:41am
Virginia and Connie Harvey, get well soon. You mean a little extra to me as you both have gone out of your way to personally phone me and give me comfort as I had tried to comfort you. We miss your posings and we are all here for you. Please know we are all wishing you the very best and that you get better. Hugs to all. Hugs are good.

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