Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1315
Latest Conversations: 18 hours ago

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Struggling with reality

Started by Corey. Last reply by Marsha H Feb 14. 4 Replies

Nine days and a whirlwind of emotions.

Started by Tiffany Phillips. Last reply by Sara Murphy Jan 27. 12 Replies

My love.

Started by brenda may. Last reply by Marsha H Jan 12. 10 Replies

Comment Wall


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Comment by Chicago Beard yesterday

Hi Gail
I grew up in Chicago but moved to California in 1985. When I visit I stay with my goddaughter in Glenview

Comment by Gail Brooks yesterday

Anyone in the Chicago area? I live in Woodstock Il north of Chicago

Comment by Gail Brooks yesterday

Just a PS to my note...he was 68 years old and I am now turning 70.

Comment by Gail Brooks yesterday

Just learning how to navigate this site. My husband of 35 years died instantly in bed July 10 2015. Its almost 21 months now and a lot of change. I moved and I had retired just 10 days before my husband Ken died. We were looking forward to our golden years. I sometimes feel like an alien dropped into another world. Its hard to navigate living alone. I have friends and family but as you probably experience that doesn't take the place of yours spouse. I am struggling. I have engaged in activities...volunteer, book clubs, went back and take one course a semester at college...all those things. It helps but I live with constant anxiety. I believe there is a bigger picture and that in the scheme of all the universe we will always be connected. Having said that, while sometimes I feel like I have accepted his death I do not know who I am now and feel lost. What have some of you done to feel grounded again? I would welcome suggetions

Comment by Jay Zimmermann yesterday

Nice to read some encouraging things here.  Been a couple of days of some dark times for me.  I feel much better this morning and the day promises to be productive.  I feel I can move ahead with some plans.  Thank you all for sharing and the blessing this group can be.  Jay 

Comment by Steve yesterday

Good day to my Legacy Family,

It has also been awhile since I posted and I too have been keeping up with all the posts.  Today I find myself reflecting back over the past two + years and am humbled by all of the events and life changing events that have brought me to this point in my life.  I sit in awe of all the changes and turns my life has taken, to say grief is a life changing episode is a huge understatement to say the least.  One month before Mark's death we had decided to move to a ground floor apartment.  This forced me to address downsizing and going thru Mark's things before I felt it was needed.  I remember thinking on one hand that it was the smart thing to do and on the other hand I was thinking what was the rush.  Still there was a sense of urgency about this coming from within, I had not yet found Legacy and was  an emotional basket case; yet there was this need emanating from within so I just went with the flow.  To my surprise I found myself embracing this task and proceeded, help arrived from out of nowhere.  I started by taking some useless items down to the dumpster, things we both had decided to toss out, and there I found a homeless man digging thru the dumpster.  The temperature outside was about 32 degrees, a little colder for Dallas than usual.  He asked me if I had any clothes I was tossing out, I said yes and told him I would return.  I took notice that he was not wearing a coat just a long sleeve shirt.  On my way back to the apartment I felt as if Mark was telling me what to take out and without thinking about it I returned with Mark's favorite overcoat, casual shirts and sweaters.  Not all of Mark's things, just enough to assist this man with much needed items.  I felt good after that and that encounter helped me to continue with the task at hand.  I ended up taking all of his clothing to a local shelter and I found added strength in deciding what I wanted to keep and what other things I needed to let go of.  I begin to feel as if someone or something was pushing me forward when all I wanted to do was to stay in bed and pull the covers over my head.  After I moved I went home to be with my family in January two months after Mark's passing.  This too gave me new strength and resolve to find help and to also start down a different path.  In February I found Legacy, in July I found a church that renewed my forgotten Faith.  2016 found me thinking about retirement, me planning to continue to work at least another 5 years so I could pay off my car.  All good plans seem to morph for me, nothing I plan ever goes as I plan them and I have learned to just go with the flow, less stressful.  As some of you on this site already know, Chuck and I became email friends and eventually something much closer, neither of us seemed ready nor were we looking for the evolution of our feelings for one another.  I did retire and I moved yet again, this time to New Jersey.  Moving here was challenging for both of us and yet necessary for both of us.  Now we are making plans that will assist both of us to move on and to let go of yet more things.  Neither one of us know what tomorrow will bring, and yet we are both in agreement that we both want all of our tomorrows to include each other.  Today, we may be able to get down our driveway and get out of the house, this winter has made us both realize that we are both tired of being trapped by the elements, we need to breath, get out, make new friends and begin to live again.  We have plans and we have a destination, but, like I noted earlier, plans do not always go the way you plan them. 

Hugs to all, thank you one and all for always being here.

Comment by Marsha H yesterday

Harold ...  I am so very proud of you and you seem to be on the right path of getting well.  Diane must be so proud of you as she looks down smiling at you.  You are truly an inspiration to the rest of us.

Comment by Marsha H yesterday

My dear Chuck ...  As usual your posts are incredible and as you so lovingly share your life and your heartfelt thoughts you helped each and everyone of us see things in a better light.  I agree, that slowing down and finally seeing small blessings is so important and I try very hard in this fast-paced world. 

Thank you my friend for being here for us and I'm just going to have to fly over on my broom and get you writing a book very soon!  You are an incredible writer my friend and a talent I've never experienced before.

Your loving Sister


Comment by Marsha H yesterday

Trina!  ...  How wonderful to see a post from you and prayers have come your way as I think of you and others who don't post as much because of changes in their lives.  I sometimes don't post either as, like others, have my trials, changes in life coming too fast at me and my mind is like mush and I don't feel I can help much with posting.

I know how difficult it is for you to have sold your beautiful home in Alaska where you and Joseph had so many wonderful memories and now relocating in California where you both wanted to retire.  I also know how you feel being a displaced person because even though I still live in the same house and in the same town there are so many changes since Ernie passed away and I feel adrift very often.  I am sure in time you will meet new friends and find a place for them in your life. 

The birthdays and other special holidays are so very hard on all of us and I can understand how you feel about that too.  NEVER feel like you have betrayed Joseph by moving to California because he's right there with you.  He would want that for you and if you search your heart you know that to be true.  Keep in mind one day you will reunite with Joseph and for now you have to keep on carrying that torch he handed you to move forward and be happy. 

I am happy for you that you retired and please let us know what you plan on doing in retirement.  You are reinventing yourself hon, so move forward knowing Joseph is right beside you urging you all the way.  Yes, I too wished I could have gone with my Ernie, but I'm a Christian and I knew that wasn't possible and I'd be letting him down, so I take one step at a time.  Life can be very cruel and sometimes I wonder when it will ever stop.  Then without warning something happens and for a little while I feel life is worth living. 

I didn't forget you either Trina and knew eventually you would post.   I am so very proud of you for all you have managed to do because those were very big steps to take.  Know we're there in spirit for you.



Comment by Trina Mamoon yesterday

Hello All, 

It's been months since I disappeared from this forum. I have been reading your posts once in a while, but I have been undergoing major changes since May of 2016 and I haven't had the psychic energy to post. But I have been thinking of all of you and sending you good thoughts.

As I last posted in November, I retired in May (took early retirement which was very difficult as I loved teaching), sold the beautiful house Joseph and I shared, and finally moved out of the state of Alaska and relocated to Southern California. While I like the new city where I've moved, all the many major life changes in quick succession of one another has left me feeling like a displaced person adrift on an ocean. I think the worst is over of this phase (that's why I am able to write today), but the journey is still as arduous. 

The Ides of March, March 15th, was Joseph's birthday; he would have turned 52. On his birthday, I tried to imagine where we would have been in our life journey had Joseph not left this earth. I couldn't go very far with that thought, as it was heartbreaking thinking how I've had to set up a new home in California, where Joseph and I had dreamed of retiring. Now I am doing it alone, as his widow. It feels like I am betraying him, that I am getting to retire in Sunny California while he is no more. But this is no retirement, not in the sense we had looked forward to. Life is cruel to say the least, and so much of how things pan out is really beyond our control. I just stay afloat, keep my head above water, take it day by day, week by week. If it were left to me to make that choice (I am a person of faith), I would have left this world to join my darling Joseph. But as you all well know here, wishing to join your beloved is not enough. We must wait our time. I am afraid that given my family history, I will probably go on living for another 25-30 years. It all seems so wrong, so unfair, so pointless...

Here's wishing you all well, my friends Marsha, Chuck, Deb, Gretchen, Sara, Harold, and others. I've missed you and thought of you often, but didn't have the mental wherewithal to post. Sending you all hugs. Peace, Trina


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