Grief support groups, condolence advice, funeral etiquette and more
A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.
Latest Conversations: 14 hours ago
This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.
Started by Kaela Roster Federle. Last reply by Mary. Jane 14 hours ago.
Started by Chris Sky. Last reply by deborah peck Sep 12.
Started by Andrew Berenyi Jr.. Last reply by deborah peck Aug 22.
So me and my family are going to a memorial service for Greg today given by Caris, the past couple of days I have been chatting with my oldest sister and she has made remarks about how Greg wouldn't want me to be sad( he shouldn't of died then) and I'm not sure how to respond so I just don't say anything, then she cane over last night and since we both scrapbook and make cards we did some of that and it was nice until we started talking about going today and her remark was I hope everyone isn't sad. I just looked at her with a what the heck expression and she said I know I just don't like being around it. I am reading a grieve book and in it it tells you that you should surround yourself with people that allow you to feel the way you need to feel. I'm just wondering if I should keep my distance right now from her, we are not close but she is my sister. I'm wishing she wasn't going today so that I don't feel like I have to pretend. My husband has only been gone for 4months, I don't know how to feel anyway but sadness, its like its even in my bones, as I'm sure all of you have had this profound sadness, I get tired of pretending all the time and look forward to the day that I am no longer sad all the time, but I guess I'm a good actress if she has been around me and thinks just today will make us sad. ughhh I just need a cave to crawl in
Dear Debbie S,
My friend! You have been so much on my mind as I navigate (somewhat clumsily at times) the world of real estate listings and sales. Every time I start to doubt my ability to figure out all the nuances and responsibilities, I remember something you said to me once..."Chuck, when the time comes you won't have to make all the decisions alone...you will have Larry guiding you, Steve helping you - and all of your Legacy family pulling for you - you can do this so trust yourself!"
I am so happy to hear of the forward movement in your life, and feel the poignancy of your dream message from Bob. it is indeed to be the fun people we once were, and sometimes my own lack of humor in certain situations can disturb me. My turn to say that we all are pulling for you, none more than me - your Bloomsbury cheerleader!
Please keep us posted (Bad pun) and God Bless You my friend -
Dear Deb S ... Nice to hear from you again. Good for you taking the sabbatical. Sometimes we need a brain rest.
Happy you are feeling better after your soul searching. You are so lucky you have dreams of your husband and that his message was loud and clear it was time to move on.
I'm also happy for you busing a 2nd house in the Outer Banks taking the risk of 'sight unseen.' Girl, are you in real estate! LOL This is the beginning of your new life.
Dear friends, I have been absent for a while. Each of you remain in my thoughts and prayers each and every day. I inadvertently took a sabbatical. I even took an inadvertent sabbatical from a yahoo group that I moderate. Oops.
I've done a lot of soul searching. I think I've reemerged in a better place. I am again making plans and it feels good.
I had the "bestest" ever dream last night. My husband came to me (as he frequently does). He explained why he was absent. He explained that I was no longer fun to be around. He told me that I was no longer giving all to my loved ones. Basically, he told me to move on. We will see each other soon.
I awoke from the dream rejuvenated. I bought a second house in the Outer Banks on Wednesday sight unseen. I drove down today and rented a vacation house located in the same neighborhood. The dream seemed to confirm my decision.
I'll post more later. Love, Debbie
Deborah ... We all know how you feel. I couldn't move a thing of Ernie's for awhile. You feel the way you do (a betrayal) because in your mind reality has taken hold and you know Greg is not coming home. To give their material things away is hard punch in the stomach. We want them with us! You shared everything, every room! It's normal and slowly you will get use to it. May I suggest you leave perhaps aftershave in the cabinet that Greg wore or anything you connect him with. It's heart-breaking. You can keep a couple of shirts, sweaters or whatever you like. This way you aren't feeling that betrayal. Put a picture or pictures of Greg. Another suggestion when you are up to it make a collage of the life you and Greg had. I made one for Ernie's Celebration of Life and so many people were in awe of it because it also brought back memories of them with Ernie.
I've left Ernie's work jacket and baseball cap on a hook in the hallway and there it stays!!! It will always be there as long as I live in this house.
The hardest thing I had to give up was selling the truck/camper and his boat which he loved. I cried as the new owners took them away. I felt like I was in a dream and none of this was happening.
Big hugs (wish I was there to give them to you in person.)
yesterday was rough, I decided to clear off my Gregs bathroom sink, everything was still right where he left it, it was getting to me kinda like he was still coming home but I couldn't handle it anymore so I cleaned it and packed it up and put some of my stuff on his sink, why does it seem like I just betrayed him or am trying to get rid of his being.
Chuck ... I could just see you doing that! You should have thrown your Tierra at him! LOL You make me laugh so much. Hey, I know more than you think and limping around the only way you'd make it is parachuting and blowing a hole in it with a gun! LOL I have no doubt you'd be screaming so loud Like Tallulah at 'Max' you'd lose the gun and go down like a rock and get bum burn. LOL
That story was so sad. We all react to losing a loved one differently. Everyone's nerves are on top of their skin.
No, it doesn't matter how our beloved one passed away even on their own terms as death is a private journey only they can take. We feel guilt along with the 'should have's' or 'what did I miss', but the way things turned out was meant to be and I hold none of that any longer.
I am so glad you aren't going to spin off the roof on me and that once again you are back to making us smile, laugh even through your own pain and doubts, but I know without a doubt you and Steve are going to be so happy together. We can't save the world, but one can enjoy another and hold them close and face what world we live in which is better than being alone.
You both have a peaceful day too and enjoy what is around you and each other.
Your sis Marsha
Steve ... loved that wise quote you put on the forum. How true! We should never judge a book by it's cover for we may miss many great and wonderful adventures, knowledge and good friendships.
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