Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1326
Latest Conversations: 8 hours ago

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

My love is gone...

Started by Chris Sky. Last reply by Mary. Jane Jul 1. 13 Replies

I used to love long week ends.

Started by Sandfly. Last reply by Marsha H Jun 6. 2 Replies

Comment Wall


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Comment by Steve on June 23, 2017 at 4:31pm

Dear Marsha,

The very first thought I had was this, had the invitation been delivered weeks or a month in advance; would you feel better about going or would it have made it far worse having the same apprehensions spread out longer?  I pose this question because of the specific details you have outlined.  Some of the details appear to be more than just coincidences on the surface, while some of the other details could be just as you said, a last-minute thought on the part of the couple; however, if you choose to accept the other details as something planned by forces we do not understand, then the couple had no choice late or early.  In any case, the decision ahead of you no matter which way you decide, one could haunt you, ever wondering what if I do not go, should I have?  And the other, going and having sad memories, or going and reliving your renewed vows in a way only Ernie could arrange, surely not to hurt you.

Comment by Marsha H on June 23, 2017 at 3:39pm

Dear Family ...  Once again I'm in a pickle and need some constructive advice. 

My spouse Ernie's cousin is getting married on July 1st of this year.  It is going to be held up at a lodge not far from me.  I did not receive an invitation until last night when the cousin and his fiancé came up my driveway, handed me the invitation and said that they are very late and disorganized getting the invitations out.  I felt like I was a last thought as they have never kept in touch with me since Ernie's passing.  The other issue is the lodge where they are having the wedding is where Ernie and I said our vows again for our 25th Wedding Anniversary and I know it's going to make me feel sad.  On top of that the Matron of Honor and Best Man for this wedding are the same ones that stood up for us at our 25th Wedding Anniversary.  I just don't know if I can hack it and feel like it's a last minute invitation.  I won't know that many people there either.  So, any help will be great from any of you and I'll appreciate it for sure.


Comment by Marsha H on June 23, 2017 at 4:22am

I hope all of you believe in this song.  I've left it many times before, but wanted to leave again for the newer members. 

We all wonder why we have had our spouses pass on leaving us with an aching heart and if the very breath has been stolen from us.  We see the world in a different light now.  This is my belief ...  It didn't happen just by chance that we met our spouses and they met us; it was planned!  With the great love we had with our spouses I'm a firm believer whether religious or not that one day we will see our beloved spouses again and this song pretty much says it all:

I hope it gives each of you peace and BELIEVE!

Much love,


Comment by Mary. Jane on June 22, 2017 at 6:03pm
Thank you, Micheal. Your words are very sweet. I think you do a wonderful job of expressing your feelings...and your lack of focus is a symptom of grief. I REALLY have it..and it shows up here when I start typing about a subject, and go off on a whole different area in the same post.
I don,t have ANY focus at home either, so if something is important, I have to write it down so I will remember.
Melanie is a very pretty name, and I totally believe you seeing the Mickey Mouse items are sent from her!
I talk to Bob all day long..and he REALLY helps me FIND things...I am always misplacing everything..things I just had in my hand, that I cannot find anywhere..and when I ask him to find them..I SWEAR they sort of just APPEAR! Happens every time.
Do you have days that you feel Melanie is close to you? As if she is standing next to you? I do sometimes, but mostly I feel BOb is somewhere above me, watching from afar..hopefully to protect me.
Comment by Michael Smith on June 22, 2017 at 12:57pm

Mary Jane  I hope you are having a better day. I haven't been coming here very long but i really enjoy reading the words of encouragement from everyone. 

I'm not very good about expressing my feelings though. I start to type something and lose my thought before I finish most of the time. My wife's name was Melanie and she was a huge mickey mouse fan. When i happen to see a mickey item i believe it is her saying hi. telling me she is watching over me and our boys. 



Comment by Mary. Jane on June 22, 2017 at 12:11pm
Thanks for replying. I really appreciate your responses. I am afraid I am getting addicted to this site.
Comment by Marsha H on June 21, 2017 at 5:37am

Dear Mary.Jane ...  What a beautiful song, but I do think we will see our beloved spouses when our time comes.  I also believe for at least a little while they are very close to us until we have more strength and can stand on our own two feet.

I am so sorry to hear you are having so many bad days.  You always brighten up Legacy with your true love and caring so please, never think you don't have a place to go as we're your extended family and willing and able to comfort you as best we can.



Comment by Sandfly on June 21, 2017 at 4:33am

Mary Jane I am thinking of you. How many times we forget for a second they are not here and then WHAM! We remember and it feels like it just happened. I was walking home from work tonight and I swear for a second it was all normal, there was a pretty sunset,I was going home, and David was there waiting for me. Then I remembered and I felt like a hand was squeezing my heart.It almost knocked me over. Sending you hugs and I pray that your day will be a little better tomorrow.

Comment by Mary. Jane on June 20, 2017 at 10:12pm
This has been one of the most terrible days ever.sorry to hijack this site with so many posts. I just DIDN,t know where else to go.
Comment by Mary. Jane on June 20, 2017 at 10:18am
You wake you get out of are careful not to disturb your sleeping partner, as you exit the bed...sometimes, you even take a few steps..trying to be quiet..and then you are alone.

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