Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1337
Latest Conversations: 2 hours ago

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Need Advice:Grief and Chronic Fatigue

Started by Kaela Roster Federle. Last reply by Marsha H 9 hours ago. 24 Replies

My love is gone...

Started by Chris Sky. Last reply by deborah peck Sep 12. 18 Replies

On the last day of our vacation my husband died.

Started by Andrew Berenyi Jr.. Last reply by deborah peck Aug 22. 33 Replies

Comment Wall


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Comment by Steve on September 15, 2017 at 10:14am

Happy birthday Mary Jane!

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on September 15, 2017 at 9:58am

Dear Russ,

I believe we indeed would enjoy a living room chat, and thank you for the invite. The fact is, once we are successful in selling this house in NJ, Steve and I will be moving to Dallas. It would be great to be able to connect in TX once we're there, and your comments about the heat made me laugh. All my friends know me well and are aware of my aversion to hot weather, so are  cautioning me about what I'm getting into...I simply tell them I'm past the age of playing touch football in the yard, and will be safely and comfortably inside with air conditioning.

Thank you for your nice words, and you have a good weekend also -

Love, Chuck

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on September 15, 2017 at 9:06am

Dear Mary Jane,

A belated Happy Birthday! What a wonderful time you had, and that makes me so happy for you! God Bless You and may you stay forever young...



Comment by deborah peck on September 15, 2017 at 9:05am

Very worried with the verdict of not guilty for the police officer, I live in St.Charles, across the river from St. louis and there are protesters here already, grabbing my grandson off the bus and staying inside. I find all the hatred in this world appaling, I don't know why people cant get along, I honestly was raised my a dad who did not like people that were different colors but thank God none of my siblings ended up with that frame of mind, everyone should be allowed to live their lives in peace regardless of sexual preference or race. I'm just sad my grandkids are growing up in such a scary world and not the world I grew up in that you could play outside after dark and weren't scared to talk to adults, okay Ive had my say, prayers for everyone,, Debbie

Comment by Russ Macaluso on September 15, 2017 at 8:59am

Morning Chuck; it was so nice to hear from you. Like yourself I'm also a talker so no need to apologize for that.  I always tell people if you have at least one good ear I'm probably going to talk it off. With all sincerity if you ever what to  take advantage of that living room chat you're always welcome to come visit.  We'll probably compete for all the attention. That's off course if you could stand the Houston heat or you could visit at the time we call winter, which to you would probably be beach weather. I love Houston but the heat drives me nuts. I've really enjoyed chatting with the people on the site.  It seems a big part of my present situation is the need to talk/vent and I haven't really found that many situations which I have been able to comfortably do that.  Just yesterday I reached out to a church that somewhat caters to the gay crowd and found out they have a weekly social/meeting on Tuesdays and they're starting a new 8 week grief support forum.  I think I'm going to take advantage of these. Again, thanks for writing and please stay in touch. Have a great weekend...Hugs...Russ

Comment by deborah peck on September 15, 2017 at 8:44am

Happy belated birthday Mary Jane, I am so happy you had a good Birthday ans got to enjoy your time with your friends and a little surprise visitor, kids can truly bring joy from their innocence    Debbie

Comment by Marsha H on September 15, 2017 at 6:07am

Mary.Jane ...  HAPPY BIRTHDAY!  What a lovely post and I had tears in my eyes; so well written.  There is nothing like a child's magic to make a birthday perfect.  So happy to hear you had fun.

Big hugs!


Comment by Mary. Jane on September 14, 2017 at 11:52pm
Well, it is almost midnight here in Oklahoma..which means my birthday is almost over, I wasn,t looking forward to this day..last year was a "milestone..age 70" but this year was just another day. To my shock, it turned into a wonderful day...thanks to my two friends Maryann and Marsha, whom without I couldn,t exist..since I do not drive, they take me this year, Marsha made me home made cheesecake...and brought her 2 and 1/2 yr old granddaughter,Avery and our friend Maryann joined us. They brought candles, and I celebrated my birthday through the eyes of a child...through the magic she felt as she helped me blow out the candles, who,S flame glowed in her eyes, and she made a wish and we both made wishes.....and sang and this whole thing was totally old lady of 71' and a baby of 2 years...and we ate home made cheesecake, and the day was filled with flowers, and warm wishes and cards...and osmething that was expected to be an ordinary day became something magical. AVery, the 2 year old was so proud of the two tiny candles she held in her hand before lighting them, and she sang with all her heart. It helped me remember when the world was majical, and hope was possible. I will try to hold on to the look in her eyes, as the glow of the candles lit them up, and not dwell on how the world crushes dreams. Goodnight, my friends.
Comment by Charles E. Nelson on September 14, 2017 at 8:00pm

Dear Russ,

I don't mean to be overwhelming everybody with all these posts, but we spent the day debugging, de-fracking, and rebooting this stupid computer until I'm ready to reboot it right out the window! So I'm taking advantage of this period when it seems to be working - 

I too often wish the conversations taking place here were in my living room - to be able to ask questions and follow trains of thought into various areas would be bliss - but maybe not for all, as I tend to be very long-winded and wander down rabbit holes of "related stories" leaving my poor captive audience wondering if this all is going to tie together as t some point, or am I just going to finally wind down like an old tired toy. In other words - be careful what you wish for. The  advantage here is that we can read each other's posts and digest the contents while formulating our replies if we have any. And of course anyone who sees  something they consider outside their experiences or willingness to comment on is free to say nothing without offending anybody.

I was struck by your use of a quote from Charlie Brown - I am quite the fan of those characters and their creator. I was called "Charlie Brown" by a classmate in 6th grade - he thought he was my ""Lucy" and felt the need to correct and advise me of all my failings and shortcomings, all for my own good of course. I believe there is as much truth, wisdom,and heart in those comic strips as there is in any religious tome or self-help book, so your reference is much appreciated.

Have a peaceful night and a day tomorrow - 



Comment by Charles E. Nelson on September 14, 2017 at 7:21pm

Dear Debbie,

Indeed I do get a chuckle, albeit hidden inside, from the somewhat nonplussed expressions on folks' faces when I say something so out-of-the-blue and occassionally shocking. One of Larry's nephews came to visit me with his wife about 3 months after his passing. They were actually rather relaxed and normal, and that put me at ease, so when James, who was named after Larry (his first name was James, but he went by his middle name), asked if there were any stories I would be willing to share about our life together, I asked how honest he wanted me to be? He said he never felt he knew the real uncle behind the face he showed his family, but suspected that Larry had a bit of a wicked sense of humor and liked having fun. This led me to sharing a story about one night in San Francisco during a trip we made with another gay couple. We all, for some unknown reason, decided to walk into an adult theater advertising "live shows" - the rest of the story is not appropriate for this venue, but it is hilarious, and they were at first shocked, then fascinated, then finally laughing so hard the both  had tears on their faces. James kept saying he had no idea we had even gone to San Francisco, to which I simply replied that there was much Larry's family missed out on by not inviting him to be open. Then I said something that stopped everything in a heartbeat - "It's too bad you never knew would have really liked him. "  they asked if they could come back sometime, and bring another nephew and his family to hear more stories. I said anytime, but they never have called, and once the house sells and I leave here I doubt we will ever connect again. It still amazes me how a family can love a father, ex-husband. and brother and yet not know him - really know him.

Anyway, as I promised Marsha, I won't be planning any roof diving, and besides Steve keeps the ladder locked up!




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