Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum


Started by Julie. Last reply by DJ Dec 6, 2020. 1 Reply

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31, 2020. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

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Comment by Paulette on January 16, 2010 at 6:46am
It has been just over 2 and a half weeks since my husband died I sure do miss him.42 years is a long time to be together and we did everything together.They say it will get better, it's hard to believe.
Comment by Charles on January 13, 2010 at 7:44pm
I understand the divorce rate with M.S. couples is about 85%.Even with her M.S I was the lucky one.I received more love from her than I deserive.
One of my problems is I did so much for her every day that now Im lost without her.I truly believe god put me here to love and take of that beautiful lady and I was blessed to be able to take care of her and love her.Now what do I do?Love like what we had only comes once in a life time.
Thank you for being so kind.Your husband was very lucky to have had you also.Maybe thats why we are older, so we would have to maturity to hande the problems of loving some one with M.S. God bless you Lois.May you find peace and happiness also.
Comment by Charles on January 13, 2010 at 6:29pm
Dear Lois
Doris also had M.S.Fought it for thirteen years with massive drugs.She took 38pills a day and I gave her a injection every other day.She tried so hard to stay mobile but had to go to the walkers and finally wheel chair.She woke with a smile and I love you every day.Oh god how I miss her.
In the end all the drugs worked against her and it ended her life way to early.She never gave up until the final 24 hours.Her M.S affected her physically more than mental.I am 12 years older than her and thought I would go first.Twenty five years ago I was afraid to marry her because I was older and she was so young and beautiful.I remember she told me she would rather have true happiness with me even if it was short than not be happy at all.Its amazing how life works out at times.
Comment by Charles on January 13, 2010 at 4:03pm
The love of my life passed away oct2 2009.The pain and grief is more today than day one.We all grieve in our own way but for me I have her pictures every where so I can see her beautiful smile.I have her ashes in the bedroom and I kiss her urn many times each day.I have her pictures in my vehicle so I can see her as I drive.I talk to her all the time.Yes I am a total basket case.I have found nothing to help me with the pain and grief.I have almost 25 years of wonderful memories but all I want is to be with her.
The truth is life goes on, with us or without us.I was holding my love in my arms as she took her last breath, How I wish I had taken my last breath at the same time.I did not stop breathing.I am still here.
I so wish there was some way we could find words or something to make us go on with life.
Surely someone has the answer we all seek???
I want to be happy again and remember all the good times but my heart is so broken over losing her I just cannot find the way to go on.
I also know the people here understand what I am talking about.
Comment by Vickydb on January 8, 2010 at 9:54pm
I lost my husband of 22 years. It has been 11 years since he left. I did not believe I would survive but I did. I remarried an abuser now I am getting divorced. There is nothing you can do for the pain. Don't be rushed by anyone to move on. It does take a long time to heal. Cry as much as you need to. I read books on healing but they never worked. I still speak to my husband everyday. He will never leave my side. Speak to him, tell him you miss him and you love him. As long as he is next to you there is nothing to fear. Fear is the greatest cause of loneliness. What will you do, who will be there for you, and why? These are the biggest reason for the sadness. Believe me it will take a long time. Join a group and listen to others. Speak in the group and cry as much as you need to. Crying helped me the most. I still miss him because he was my forever best friend. Give yourself at least a year. Take it hour by hour at first. Then day by day.
Learn to be independant. When you lean on someone make sure it is yourself. Don't give up! You will want to at first but don't. God is with you and by your side. It is because of God I survivied. Pray for strength and courage. It will come. I use to sit by the water and cry while talking to my husband Dennis. Remember he was a borrowed angel and he has been called back to heaven. Thank God you were one of the lucky ones because you were truly loved and you truly loved an angel. don't try to go back in time. It only hurts you more. I know how much it hurts but I have survived and you will also. My heart is here for you. It takes time to heal.
Comment by Jeanette Kilpatrick on January 8, 2010 at 7:06pm
To the veteran's wife, my husband too was a veteran on 50 per cent disability from Korea. He believed I would continue to get part of his disability. The VA did help us a lot while he was sick but when he died, it stopped immediately. He suffered from post traumatic stress. He wanted me to fight for that pension because he thought he earned it. I am old and crippled and don't know how to fight for it. If you have any suggestions, please let me know what to do. May God continue to bless us and America. Jeanette
Comment by Glenda F. Camp on January 8, 2010 at 11:29am
I lost my beloved husband and soul mate November 10, 2009. First Thanksgiving, first Christmas, and first New Years Eve without him were devastating. Fortunately, I spent each holidays with family and friends. Now that the holidays are over it seems as though it is impossible for me to believe he is really gone. Sometimes I feel as if I can't do this without him. He saw me through years of graduate school, helped raise my three children, and was the best husband and friend ever. We worked together every day and enjoyed every minute. He taught me well how to take care of myself, but I still feel uneasy without him. Nighttime is worse. Sleeping is broken at best. I know I need to exercise, but I don't have the desire or energy to do it.
Comment by ellen on January 8, 2010 at 8:02am
I am having really bad day today. I know He has been gone less than a month and I should not expect much from myself. I feel Like I am being punished. In the last 5 years I lost both parents and my true love. How much more can I take?
Comment by Denise MacCallum on January 7, 2010 at 2:20pm
Dear Sandra,
I know exactly what your going through....It has been 3 months for me also since I lost Robbie..He was 61..It doesn't seem to be getting any easier no matter what I do...The Pain is still overwhelming...I want my husband back and I know that is never going to happen but my heart will not accept the lose....I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers...
Comment by michelle cader-laney on January 7, 2010 at 1:49pm
My husband and i have been together 11 years. We finally got married on january 3,2009( we were supposed to marry march 21,2009). On christmas eve 2008 he was diagnoised with panceatic cancer and he passed june 11,2009. I watched my husband (43 years old) go from a muscular 200 lbs down to about 80lbs in 7months. I watched him suffer from the pain and I felt completely helpless. No one should have to watch the person they love dye the way he did. I wish I could erase the visions that go through myhead. I am very angry and bitter. My faith in god is shot. We have 4 children (1 we share together). Im tryin to be strong for my children but somedays I feel my self sinking further into depression. Ive questioned my sanity numerous times. Will it ever get easier?

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