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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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Just a reminder to all of you over these next few days. The weather reports all over are talking extreme heat. Those of you out West have even warmer temperatures than here in the Midwest or East. Please keep well hydrated by drinking plenty of water. Hopefully all of you have air in your homes. If not, please find a friend or relative that has air and see if you can go there. Otherwise, find out where the cooling centers in your neighborhood or town are and use them. Please take care not to over exert yourself and check in here.

Discussion Forum

Survivor Guilt?

Started by Vickie. Last reply by Barbara Sullivan Aug 24. 5 Replies

widowed at 46 I feel so alone

Started by melissa lyons. Last reply by Donna G Aug 24. 1 Reply

Newly Bereaved

Started by Dorothy Facciponte. Last reply by Theresa Wimann Jul 29. 25 Replies

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Comment by stacey yesterday

Carol-

Thank you have to do something for myself for a change, its also helps out in the future. I'm glad Abby is doing well also we are to  real fun stage ten million questions and some bizarre answers back from what I ask him.

Stacey  

Comment by Carol Kayser on Friday
Hello Stacey, that is wonderful you are doing so well. Congratulations on returning to school, a good choice!
I can imagine Damien growing as my granddaughter Abby is too! It's so special to watch.
Happy you are getting settled Stacey.

Hugs,
Carol
Comment by stacey on Friday

Hello everyone. I also hope everyone is doing a bit better. Things are looking up for me a bit, Besides working my part time job as a banquet server and my full time job taking care of my aunt; I decided to go back to school and I'm going for a Certified nursing assistant (CNA) So far I'm doing pretty good in school, but I do worry  a little about the 2 year anniversary coming up October 7th its coming up soon. I also have a new guy friend in my life and it seems to be working out good I'm happy again and we are just seeing where things go he has a pretty hectic schedule himself because he works on a farm. Damian is just growing like a weed and getting so smart. hope everyone has a good night or day. I'll keep checking posts.

Big hugs to everyone!!

Stacey

Comment by Frank Andrews on Friday

 JAN,  SO SORRY ABOUT THE VACATION GONE BAD AND I STILL CAN'T BRING MYSELF TO GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT MY BELOVED NOREEN BY MY SIDE BECAUSE I KNOW I WOULD FEEL SAD AND PROBABLY GUILTY EVEN THOUGH I KNOW SHE WOULD WANT ME TO BE HAPPY. STILL LOST IN MISSING HER EVERY DAY AND IT DOES NOT LOOK HOPEFUL FOR ME. .DO NOT COMMENT MUCH BECAUSE OF DEPRESSION AND WANT OTHERS TO HAVE THE HOPE THAT IT DOES GET BETTER WITH TIME.

  BARB, YOU ARE RIGHT IN SAYING THAT THERE IS LITTLE TO SAY ABOUT ANYTHING BEING  NEW IN OUR GRIEVING...JUST THE CHANGES IN OUR LIVES THAT HAVE BEEN TAKING PLACE SINCE OUR LOSS. YES, JANEO, WE ALL THINK OF THE FRIENDS WE HAVE FOUND HERE FROM TIME TO TIME AND WE ALL SHARE THE HOPE THAT SOME WILL SOON FIND SOME JOY IN LIFE AND MOVE ON FROM HERE. IN THE MEANTIME, I WISH I COULD BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND WHY OUR GOOD, BELOVED SPOUSES HAD TO BE TAKEN SO SOON. WISH ALL CAN FIND THEIR WAY TO PEACE AND ACCEPTANCE IN THEIR LIVES.  HUGS.

Comment by janeo on Thursday
Frank and Carol,

I think of you constantly, but like you Carol things have been busy.


I hope all is well with everyone here. All of my friends here I wish you all peace and a good day.
Comment by Carol Kayser on Thursday

Dear Frank and all, it has been quite a while since I have been here.  Though I do think everyone and the site, I just never quite get around to writing.  Plus it has been a very busy and hard couple of months, especially since it has been 4 years since losing my sweetheart end of August and then his birthday just a couple of days ago.  Seems there is always something to deal with each day, I do look forward to those quiet days of reading and writing.

 

Jan, so sorry to hear about your trip.  The thing is that we set ourselves up with these expectations that this certain thing will be good and this will help etc. but sadly we seem to be mostly let down. Especially when doing something we used to do together, it just isn't the same and those feelings cannot be recaptured because we are so lonely being there without them.  I hope you can find some ways toward healing at home.

 

Dear Barb, happy to see you write, thinking of you.  Take care.

Hugs.

 

To Judy Gamble - I just wanted to remark on your comment about the 70 year old lady getting married.  Doi you know that happens very often and is actually quite normal.  Women are caregivers and find it a need to take care of someone.  Where my mom-in-law lives in California in a mobile home park, widows and widowers get married a lot, even as short as a few months after a loss.  It doesn't mean they are over their partner but it also fulfils a need for companionship and caring.

I hope we are all taking care of ourselves, good night.

Hugs,

Carol

Comment by Barbara Sullivan on Thursday

Dear Frank, Yes it has been very quiet on the forum -- like you, I hope that it is a sign of healing for some.  I think sometimes, when it has been awhile since our beloved spouse passed, we just get so tired of the way we feel, so tired of hearing our own thoughts, so tired of feeling that we are stuck in a place we didn't choose -- there is just nothing new to say about our grieving.  It has been a year and 5 months since I lost my Chris -- his birthday was this month, and the anniversary of his memorial service -- hard days to get through.  And, while some days seem better, the loneliness, the pain of loss, is always there.  But, as you say, we hold on to Hope and Faith -- and Love.

Hugs, Frank --

Barbara

Comment by Barbara Sullivan on Thursday

Dear Jan, I am so sorry your trip with the kids turned out so badly.  I know your expectations were for peace and healing -- and it just didn't happen.  But, in the long run, better to have gone and had that first experience of being there without your spouse -- it is a milestone.  We go through so many.  It has been just over a year for me, as well, and though I don't cry every day -- I think of my Chris and miss him, every day.  I feel alone -- and my life still feels out of control -- the only thing I want is the one thing I can't have - my Chris.  I will keep you in my prayers, Jan.  

Hugs

Barbara

Comment by Jan on Thursday
Just got back from Hawaii with my kids. It was really hard going back to the island without my sweetie this time. The first day there we got in a minor car accident then everyday after someone was either sick or injured. I came home with a massive skin infection from snorkeling. We should have stayed home. What a nightmare. I just wanted to run away and spend time with my kids. I thought this trip would help us heal and help us through the grief process. It's been a year and I don't feel like I'm getting any better. I cry every single day. When I went to see my doctor, I parked and sat in the car a minute and cried. I realized I'm all alone. I have no one to take care of me or love me. My husband took care of me 2 years ago when I had breast cancer. My daughter worries that the stress from grief will bring the cancer back and she will be an orphan.
Comment by Frank Andrews on Thursday

 So very quiet on the forum lately and I sincerely hope and pray that all are having more peace and acceptance in their lives and are beginning to once again enjoy some happy moments over the little things in life again. People keep telling me Faith and Hope.  Faith that I will be reunited with my beloved again and Hope that this grief eases and the future will be better.  Hugs.

 

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