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Comment by Marsha H 17 minutes ago

Janeo ...  I'm so glad you could sit privately and peacefully with your Richie and the flowers sound beautiful.  I know what you mean by getting a big hug from him as that's what I miss from my Ernie.  Hope you are feeling a little better.  Hang in there girl.

Love & Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H 20 minutes ago

Carol ... You are so right, but I also think for some reason some female friends fear us being single and they don't generally want single women around.  I've had 2 girlfriends discuss this with me before Ernie passed away and I didn't understand it then and I don't understand it now.  I am so disappointed in my friends because several of them Ernie and I had been there 100% throughout very difficult times they had in their lives.  I guess I'm different because I never shut anyone out whether single or widowed and I'm known a few in the past.  Ernie always admired that self confidence I had about our marriage, but it was easy because I knew that he was loyal and loved me. I think finding new friends isn't that hard if you join a group and on June 5th I'll be joining that 'Women Helping Women' as my friend has been in this club for years and urging me to join.  I have to start somewhere and I hope these ladies accept me and I'm not pushed aside.  I have to say that I generally get along with men better than women.  I'm the type that 'what you see is what you get' and I'm honest and reliable.  I also enjoy men's conversations, but, I choose my women friends very carefully.  Don't worry Carol, I won't bite you! Ha, ha.

I am in the same boat as you are regarding 3 friends I can rely on.  One friend I've known for 40 years and Ernie even named her a 'phone friend' because she'd always call me when something was wrong in her life, but I seldom got to spend any time with her so I know what you mean by that lady your daughter was talking about.  I detest this technology and if it's not texting; cell phones or Facebook one seems out of the loop.  My attitude is ... 'want to talk to me then email me or for the friends where I live phone me and then come visit me.  Wish you lived closer and could join the same club as I am going to join as the ladies really are nice (met them on several occasions about 4 years ago.) 

Where does your sister live and how long will you be gone Carol?  I am glad you are getting away.  I wish I had a vacation coming up because I sure could use one, but nowhere to go and can't get anyone to go on a short vacation with me which is another problem for me.

I saw where the weather is getting better for Sunday and Monday and then back to rain again.  Blast!  Have a lot of flowers to plant and I'm anxious to decorate my deck with some of the flowers I bought such as Honey Suckle; Geraniums; Million Bells (look like small Petunias, but hardier) etc.  I want a real blast of color. 

My sister-in-law came over on Friday and I was feeling low and no explanation as to why, but we still had a good time and then Saturday evening my girlfriend Sue came over and we had a nice chat and watched a movie.  Even got the dogs out for a walk.  Those good buddies of Ernie's and mine Will and Lorraine have invited me for steak dinner and I am so thrilled with that, but hope I feel better by Sunday.  Stayed in bed almost all day on Saturday just feeling miserable.  I know something strange is going on in my body, but my doctor doesn't seem too concerned. 

You have a great trip and visit with your sister Carol.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by janeo 6 hours ago

Boy, its been a long day these letters are starting to look alike. Sorry for some of the letters being type wrong.

Comment by janeo 6 hours ago

Jane P., Marsha and Carol thanks for asking. It was a great visit with him. I planted fresh flowers and sat on my chair and talked to him and tell him what's happening and he would be so proud of your son. I
Wished I could of hugged though.

Jane,
June 10th is the last day of classes and than the regents been a long year. The school gave out 40 slips to the teachers and we're waiting to see what happens with us para's. The rumor hss that their cutting our hours or make us subs so they don't have to give paid sick time and holidays. So who knows, just have to wait it out and see. The budget vote is May 21st. The parent teacher association sent me a letter telling me I didn't vote for the budget within a 2 year period.I thought this kind of stuff was illegal to do that. Maybe I'm wrong.

Comment by Jane P. 9 hours ago

Janeo, Just thinking of you and  I hope your visit with Richie went well today.   And on a lighter note, your school year is drawing to a close and soon your problem pupil will be no more!  You did it yippee!  

Hugs, Jane P.

Comment by Carol Kayser 11 hours ago

Hi Marsha. Abby is sitting watching Disney so I've time to write a little!

Let me "jump" to why I think friends abandon us. I may be way off base but here goes! Not all, but many, married friends run away and I feel it is instigated by the wives in a lot of ways. They feel vulnerable and threatened by loss. "We" (the bigger we) now become, in their eyes, someone who now "needs" help, "needs" support. They run far away fast!! It is the reality of life that this will also happen to them but "we" are the stark reminder of what can happen to them. I agree that it just opens us up to making new friends. That's not a bad thing:) finding them though, that's a bit of a challenge!!

It's funny one of my daughter's insists that this lady we are both friends with is this awesome friend. She keeps saying "she is so great" etc. I agree that she is super sweet and everything but she is too busy to hardly spend time with me 1:1. I get lots of Facebook messages etc. but it doesn't make up for a relationship. I have 3 friends I can visit with and they are there for me. Others are sporadic. Oh well!!!

I am on vacation now Marsha! Going to my sister's next week. Really looking forward to it!!

The weather is getting better tomorrow!!
Hugs,
Carol

Comment by Marsha H 12 hours ago

Carol ...  Yes, Jack is part of Abby and I have no doubt he is around and sees what is going on.  I only wish Ernie and I had children so at least part of him would have been carried on.

How strange with the name 'Chance' because my girlfriend's grandson is named the same and it's rare.  They are darlings aren't they.

Someone on the forum talked about their family and it's interesting so thought I would express my family background.  I have loads of relatives in Scotland, Ireland, England and throughout the U.S., but only know one from the U.S., my cousin Marion who is 86 years old and have not met the rest of the family and probably never will.  Having a large family close by is a blessing and I do have my brother his wife and 2 nephews, but don't get to see them as often as I would like.  This world is so fast paced (unlike our young lives were) and not a lot of time for some family members to spare time.

It is not so rare that many families can be cruel or distant.  I am finding that out more and more on this forum or even with some of my friends.  I found that so many of Ernie's and my friends have distanced themselves from me since I have the neon sign of widow tattooed on my forehead.  It's sad and hurts my heart as Ernie and I had always been there for them.  In ways it 'cleans out the closet' and makes room for new friends.

Yes, I do feel blessed to have 3 good friends around.  The most unlikely ones I never thought would be there ...  my girlfriend who has a family of her own and grandchildren, Ernie's best buddy (we were close to Will and his wife Lorraine and they have made an effort with me) and of course my neighbor Dan and his girlfriend Kathy.  When I look back on my life at all the friends we had before Ernie passed it still can sadden me that they headed for the hills.  Although I will never be quite the same person without Ernie, I am still 98% me.  What's changed?  I don't buy that people are uncomfortable with us and don't know what to say ... how would they know when they've never tried?  I wish with all my heart that there was an instruction book for grieving, but, life is a mystery and it's one baby step after the other.  I agree God does put people into our lives for whatever time they are meant to be with us.

Hope you are having a great long weekend.  Too bad the weather was so unpredictable and cold.  Seems when I buy plants for the garden the rain comes.  Har, har.

Hugs

Marsha

 

Comment by Marsha H 13 hours ago

Janeo ... I hope you had a peaceful and fulfilled day of it visiting Richie's grave site.  I know it's sad, but it does give you some special time with him. 

Love & Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H 13 hours ago

Nate ...  What a beautiful poem and it hits home with me and I am sure others.  Thank you for that.  I hope you are having some better days.

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H 13 hours ago

Helen ...  As you know I live alone as well and know the loneliness.  I am blessed to have 3 people in my life, but they have busy lives as well.  I do understand how you feel though and no matter if you 1 or more friends we still can feel very lonely in our homes.  I had a brain flash ...  why don't you wear one of those Medical Alerts (little button you push should you fall or become ill) and ask one of your friends to be put on the list to be contacted.  This Medical Alert Alarm also will connect you with an ambulance or fire department.  I just thought letting you know this would give you some peace of mind.

Hugs

Marsha

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