Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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It still doesn't seem real

Started by Danny Davis. Last reply by Danny Davis 10 hours ago. 23 Replies

Another long and empty day

Started by Sara Murphy. Last reply by Deb S yesterday. 25 Replies

Lost Wife now feel Lost Myself

Started by Harold McKinstry. Last reply by Dennis Bux Apr 29. 23 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H 14 hours ago

I wanted to share this song 'The Way We Were' sung by Barbra Streisand.  It fits all of us and the reason I left this song is I want all of you who are at the beginning of your journey of grief to know that one day you to will be able to remember the good memories of our cherished spouses and sometimes even laugh a little.  Believe!


Comment by Marsha H 16 hours ago

Dear Harold ...  I too still love Ernie as much today as I did before.  I would sometimes leave him love notes in his lunch box and he'd come home with a grin.  When he'd leave for work very early in the morning I could feel him pull the covers over my shoulders and there were so many other things we did for each other and now it's all too frustrating that this can never be again.

Although it's not the same Deb is right that you should share those flowers between you and your beloved wife.  Another liberating action is to buy a helium balloon, write love notes on it and go to a special place you both loved to go to and talk to her and then let the helium balloon go towards the heavens.  I do this a few times a year. 

I wish I could wave a magic wand for all of you to take the pain of grief away, but it's part of life as ugly as grief can be, but after 5 years of being a widow I have learned a lot and have grown stronger and keep Ernie's memory alive.  Oh yes, I still talk to him and there are times I still cry or wish the odd time I just wouldn't wake up and could join him.  That's a normal feeling and part of grief.

I know Harold you feel this deep beathless pain will never go away, but in time (each person is different) it does ebb away and we are filled with good memories, but truthfully, they will always have a piece of our heart and soul. 

We're here to help you through it and you're going to make it dear friend.


Comment by Sara Murphy yesterday

Harold,  You're certainly not alone in that feeling.  I've been saying to Ken lately that I have all this love and no place to put it.  We used to say I Love You to each other several times a day.  He would tell me he loved me with every cell of his being.  I still say it to him all the time but now I can't hug him when I do or hear it back from him.  You're right in that it's frustrating and painful.  One of the many changes in life that we all have to adjust to.

Comment by Harold McKinstry yesterday


I have been taking flowers from the garden to her grave. A lot of people say they feel the presence of there spouse. I wish I did it would be very comforting but I really don't I just feel the loss of her. A few things did happen that made me think she was trying to tell me something, but that was a long time ago. 

Comment by Deb S yesterday


Thanks for your post. After reading your words, the first thought that sprang to mind is that you do these things for yourself. You are grieving and Diane would want you to be kind to you.  Bring yourself flowers from the garden and share them with Diane. Please do me the favor of doing it once and let me know how it goes.


Comment by Harold McKinstry yesterday

Hi Everyone

This has been bugging me for awhile, I Love Diane just as much as when she was here. I don't know what to do with that Love before I would tell her, do little things for her bring flowers in from garden ect. The old sayings channel that love to stuff that she cared about, or talk to her doesn't do it. It's painful and frustrating to feel this way and not be able to express it. Just another thing to be pissed about and hurt for.

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on Tuesday

Hello Sara,

I'm so happy for you that you will be seeing Matt Fraser. I have changed my way of thinking concerning just about everything since losing Larry - things I thought were wishful thinking, or just plain rubbish, I now view from a different perspective. There have been way too many things happening to and around around me to allow chalking them up to coincidences. I'm not someone who  believed that mankind had the capacity to "know" our reason for living or what comes next - I always said everybody's playing a guessing game and dressing it up in the guise of religion, psychic phenomenon, ESP, or whatever happens to be the latest fad.

I no longer feel this way, and believe that when we are led to certain places, people, and occasions that it's being directed somehow for a greater purpose. You are meant to be there that night, and whatever happens I believe that Ken will be there and wants you to know that he's with you.

I too will be anxious to here of your experience - I hope you have a good week, and am always thinking of you my dear friend. 



Comment by Deb S on Monday

Sarah, I am excited for you and am glad that you have scheduled something that you are looking forward to.  I can't wait to read all about it.  Debbie

Comment by Harold McKinstry on Sunday

Hi Sara going to see Matt Fraser sounds like fun, who knows he might pick you. Even if he doesn't it sounds like a fun evening. Anymore I don't question things as much as I use too.

Comment by Marsha H on Sunday

Hi Sara ...  I am so happy you're looking forward to seeing Matt Fraser the psychic.  I hope that you are chosen to be read.  We all search in different ways to hear from our loved ones.  Let us know how things go.




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