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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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Poem II.

Started by Janka Huljaková. Last reply by Jane P. on Wednesday. 12 Replies

Poem III.

Started by Janka Huljaková. Last reply by Jane P. on Wednesday. 2 Replies

It still doesn't seem real

Started by Danny Davis. Last reply by Harold McKinstry on Monday. 48 Replies

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Comment by Steve 4 hours ago
Debbie - I don't have a porch but do have a private patio that I have begun to fix up. I found a sofa table one of the neighbors thru out and refurbished it for out doors by painting it and sealing it. Then I bought some piping, lamp parts, and added an industrial looking lamp to the table. Now the fun part, will be putting up outside lights and lots of potted plants. Mark loved large crystal Sun Catchers, so I am finally putting them back up, when the sun light hits them and with a gentalman breeze they put on quite a show of rainbow colors dancing everywhere even into the living room. One of my neighbors has a bird feeder and lately have seen quite a few blue jays and cardinals, so I am adding one bird feeder in hopes of seeing them visit my patio.

Marsha - one of my most favorite drinks is a White Russian, it's been a while, so glad you brought it up, I had forgotten a lot of simple pleasures Mark and I enjoyed together.
Hope everyone has a pleasant weekend, will be thinking of you all,
Love
Steve
Comment by Deb S 6 hours ago

Marsha,

I absolutely will enjoy a glass of wine for you.  If I overindulge, I'll enjoy a glass for each member of the group.  yikes

Today is another beautiful day in my neighborhood.  I started enjoying the front porch this morning about 6:00 a.m. I continue to tweak it.  My neighbor invited me over this morning to meet a group of friends who are gathering today at her home. It was a lovely break.

It is wonderful to read that you too enjoy your side patio. I love the fragrance and beauty of Wisteria.  I have one small part of my yard where I planned to plant clematis.  This area is between my porch and a walk down into the basement.  After reading your post, I am changing my mind and will plant wisteria there.  Thank you for making this happen.

How are you doing?  Your posts are always welcomed and offer a glimpse of a content future. You are kind to encourage those of us who are still new in our grief.

I hope your weekend is enjoyable.

Debbie

Comment by Marsha H 10 hours ago

Deb ..,.  How sweet you are to be thinking of us and I'm so happy you are relaxing with a glass of wine.  My favorite every so often is a White Russian.  LOL 

It is such a big step for you to start trying to make a life for yourself and I'm so proud of you as I know it's not an easy path. 

When the weather is good I sit on my side patio and put my feet up, talk to neighbors or passers by and feel closer to Ernie as we use to eat our dinner out there.  I watch the azure blue sky, love the fragrance of the Wisteria surrounding the porch and wait for the sun to set turning everything into a bright gold (my favorite part of a summer evening.)  It brings back some peace to me and I too feel closer to Ernie being there and wished with all my might I could make it so.  I've also power washed the patio and the deck in the backyard and ready for family and friends to start coming over for some pleasant chatter. 

I think of others here too and it's so nice of you to come on the site to let us know how you are doing.  Have a glass of wine for me!

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Deb S 10 hours ago

Dear Chuck,

Thank you. Like you, my front porch has great meaning to me. It was here that I came and sat when I returned from the hospital on the day he died. It offered me comfort and solace and provided an opportunity to converse with my dear husband. I hoped that I would regain the strength to enter the empty house. It worked.

I am buoyed to read that you enjoyed your front porch yesterday for a few minutes. May that few minutes stretch into a half hour and eventually encompass your day. You deserve peace, my friend. You are such a special man whose gifts overflow.  I join Larry in wanting you to enjoy peace, laughter, and joy again.

Memorial Day does have a different meaning for me now. My childhood memories revolve around trips to the family graveyard in the hollows of WV. My father was 1 of 12 siblings and a huge group would gather for a family reunion/memorial service. I was born after the passing of these relatives. The meaning of the day and my feelings of loss were not as profound for me as they are today.

I've given thought to my weekend and suspect that I will choose to garden. I've purchased plants to supplement my beds and it would be nice to get them in the ground. I am also considering a visit to Arlington National Cemetery. My husband will be inured in a columbarium there in July. It might offer comfort to visit and gather my thoughts.

I echo your last paragraph and hope the same for you. 

Love, Debbie

Comment by Charles E. Nelson 16 hours ago

Hello Debbie,

May I say that this is indeed a big step for you, and one I am so very happy to see you take. This is not stepping away from the wonderful life you shared with your husband, but making the life you have now someplace where you can find comfort and peace in familiar and soothing surroundings. Porches have a way of doing that - in my own life, porches have been the places in every place I have lived where I have shared intimate conversations, laughter with visiting friends, and most importantly, sitting quietly with the person I love watching the sun set, clouds silently gliding past, or stars slowly appear at dusk. I too have cleaned off chairs, swept and tidied my front porch in expectation of  spending peaceful times watching birds flying to their nests in the trees for the night, while music from the stereo  drifts through the screen door. Last year, on the first day I sat there alone, I thought I would never survive this loss - that without Larry here by my side I could never smile again. That is not an exaggeration - the emptiness in my soul was only surpassed by the pain in my heart.

I sat there yesterday for a few minutes, and  slowly became aware of the fact that I was not crying, or even feeling sad or lonely. For just a few minutes, I was able to forget pain, and just look out at the world with a peaceful acceptance of my life as it is now. This was for me, the equivalent of your own big step. 

I have also been thinking of our family here - Memorial Day has different meanings and memories for each of us, but we share the common thread that it was once spent with our loved one, and now the word memorial has a much more personal and profound meaning.

I wish all of us here a peaceful and reflective weekend, on our porches, in our gardens, wherever we find ourselves - with family, or just our own thoughts. I pray for us that we continue our journeys with strength, grace, and secure in the fellowship we have with each other .

God Bless You All -

Love,

Chuck   

Comment by Deb S 22 hours ago

Good evening friends,

I am sitting on my front porch sipping a glass of wine and thinking of each of you.  I hope today has been a better day than yesterday. How is everyone doing?

I spent most of my day on my front porch.  It is a wraparound porch and I love porch sitting.  So did my husband.

Today, I decided to tweak the area. I've rearranged furniture, hosed off pollen, and opened a space to move a coordinating sofa from my deck. I rarely use my deck but can easily see myself lounging on the sofa on the porch, reading a book, and perhaps nodding off.

I also decided to take advantage of the Memorial Day sales and order the ceiling fans that we planned to install three years ago. It feels right to do this now.

The porch is my serene space. This is where I feel my husband's presence the most. I am surrounded by our gardens and enjoy conversations with neighbors. 

Believe it or not, this is a big step for me. I am tweaking a comfortable space.  I moved the chair he often sat in when he inevitably surprised me upon my return home from a random errand. I still arrive home and look for him in that chair.

It's OK. It is a minor change which suits me now and is easily righted if it doesn't suit me tomorrow.

Debbie

Comment by Marsha H yesterday

Steve & Pete ...  Sometimes 'cookies' cause this problem.  In case you don't know how to delete 'bad cookies' or 'folders not needed' go to 'START' then to DISC CLEAN.  This will run for about 10 minutes.  Then a message will come up asking you if you want to delete them and you hit 'YES.'  Hope this helps.

Comment by Steve on Wednesday
Pete, I to have had difficulty with the site. I went thru my email account and deleted all 2015 sent mails to Legace and it made a big difference for me. Hope this helps you friend.
Comment by Pete Bronson on Wednesday

Hi Everyone,

I have been having trouble logging on to the site for about 4 days, not sure why it just would not load.

Sara, I still consider myself to be married. Rose and I did not part by choice when she passed.

Regards,

Pete

Comment by Deb S on Monday

Sarah, Like you, I don't feel single and don't use that word. I feel married and act married.  I wear my wedding and engagement rings.  I added my husband's ring beneath my band.  It is large but is kept in place by my own rings.

I am one who never says never. For whatever reason, many friends and acquaintances assume that I will marry again.  My standard response is "(I)t's not on my radar." Fortunately, this answer tends to stop the conversation. For now, I need time for me to take care of me. Debbie

 

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