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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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Just a reminder to all of you over these next few days. The weather reports all over are talking extreme heat. Those of you out West have even warmer temperatures than here in the Midwest or East. Please keep well hydrated by drinking plenty of water. Hopefully all of you have air in your homes. If not, please find a friend or relative that has air and see if you can go there. Otherwise, find out where the cooling centers in your neighborhood or town are and use them. Please take care not to over exert yourself and check in here.

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Comment by Carol Kayser yesterday

It's been very quiet here, I think it's summer break time hopefully and that everyone is doing as best they can.

I don't know if some of you belong to Facebook but there is a site/page called the Grief Toolbox.  There are some lovely poems and thoughts about loved ones and I really find them comforting.  There is also the availability to converse with others by leaving comments etc.

On another note, one of my daughters (33) has had the same group of friends since she was in elementary school.  This is quite wonderful, the sharing of happy times but also sad times.  One of her friends has just lost her father at 58, literally the same age as she lost her dad.  I am very proud of her that she will go to the service and support her friend.  I have already said I can't go.  It's just to close to home for me.  One day I saw this friend's mom and dad in Home Depot.  She came up to me to see how I was doing, which was kind.  I would like to do the same for her but in a different environment.  There is time when things settle down.

One other girl in the group has led rather a charmed life and she doesn't have too many life experiences, so she said to my daughter about the service that it will be "so sad" and my daughter said yes of course it will be and that's just what I went through 4 years ago.  She said  to my daughter that she was so sorry about her dad and that she knew how it felt as she had lost a horse she loved.  That was her comparison and this is not all that uncommon actually for people to compare losses of loved ones to pets they lost.  For many the true link of loss does not appear until they lose someone from their own lives.  One does not wish that to happen to anyone naturally but it is sometimes the only way they are able to then understand the true meaning of loss.

This will now be in my extended world within 4 years the loss of my sweetheart at 57, the loss of one of our dear friends at 60 and now the loss of another father at 58.  It's unfathomable in some ways.  All these children and grandchildren without fathers and grandfathers to love and cherish.

 

Thanks for listening and hugs for a good day and week.

Carol

Comment by Marsha H on July 21, 2015 at 5:46am

Janeo & Carol ...  Thanks so much.  I really found peace in that saying and believe they are close by and watching over us. 

Janeo, you are the 'keeper of the flame' on this forum when it becomes too quiet so be proud of yourself for giving peace and joy to many of us when we need it.  We're extended family here and we're strong, learning all the time and surprised at our own strengths.

Comment by Marsha H on July 21, 2015 at 5:43am

Elvira ...  It's so nice to hear from you, but sad to hear you are having some bad days.  It's normal so don't give up hope hon.  It's been over 4 years since my husband passed and I still have the odd cry over him and I'll never forget him, but the intervals of the crying spells become less and it's not because we're forgetting them, but because time is going on and we are getting use to our own routine no matter how much we dislike it.  There is happiness ahead for you and keep believing that.  I know that feeling it seems a long while since they passed away, yet seems like yesterday.  I still have the odd feeling one day I'll see my sweetie come walking up our driveway as if he'd never been gone. 

Personally, I do believe that our loved ones are very aware of what we are going through; the bad times and the good times.  Don't be so sure he doesn't know he's a grandpa.  Babies and children see things we don't and I do believed your beloved is close by watching over all of you sharing your joys and sorrows.

I hope my dear one that you are having a better day and how sweet of you to wish all of us good days when you are feeling down yourself.  Please believe it does get a little better as time goes on.

Comment by Elvira Castellanos on July 20, 2015 at 9:02pm

It has been a very, very long time since I posted anything but always read all the posts that in some way give me some comfort to realize that even after 17 months of losing the love of my life, I am not the only one that still feels devastated by my loss, I have good & bad days but still cry every single day, I guess we have no choice but go on with our lives until it's our time to go, seems unreal that it has been so long & yet to me, it feels like it happened yesterday, missing him every day of my life in every step I take, even on some happy moments like the birth of my first grandson, there was great joy but also great sadness, every time I see him & spend time with him, I think about the happiness it would have brought him to know he was going to be a grandpa but  he never found out, he passed one month prior to finding out about the pregnancy, I have spent some joyous times with the baby & I am grateful for that, but missing him every day is not something that I can control, Hope every one is feeling just a little bit better, Hugs to all, Elvira

Comment by Carol Kayser on July 20, 2015 at 6:39pm
Marsha, there is a beautiful poem which exactly says those words and I find them so comforting too.
"laugh as you always laughed, I'm only in the other room".....
Comment by janeo on July 20, 2015 at 4:00pm
I'm glad these words gave you peace. Ernie is very proud of you. The way you help others before yourself. God bless you :)
Comment by Marsha H on July 20, 2015 at 5:21am

To all ...  I went to a 'celebration of life' today and I just wanted to share these prophetic words with you said by a the female pastor 'when a loved one dies, they don't leave spiritually, they just go to another room.'  For some reason this gave me  peace and I wanted to share it with all of you.

Comment by Marsha H on July 20, 2015 at 5:20am

Hey Janeo ...  When you look up, Goober the gull is getting a free ride so .... duck!  LOL

I'm hanging in there, have my good/bad days like everyone else.  Hope things are going well for you?

Comment by janeo on July 19, 2015 at 9:56am
I see you helping and supporting all the newly grieving. What about you how are you doing ?
Comment by janeo on July 19, 2015 at 9:53am
Marsha, I guess I have to start looking up.
 

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