Caregiving for Caregivers

Who is there for us? When we are up 2,3, or more times with a family member during the night and all day too. We have to learn how to take care of ourselves in order to take care of others. We need to support eachother everyday, everynight.

Location: Niles, Illinois
Members: 41
Latest Conversations: on Saturday

Discussion Forum

What do I do now??

Started by Angelina Rael Smith. Last reply by Diamond Oct 8, 2012. 1 Reply

Hurt feelings--Am I too sensitive?

Started by Connie. Last reply by Connie Feb 29, 2012. 6 Replies

Is this the right group for me? Yes!!

Started by Connie. Last reply by Connie Dec 20, 2010. 9 Replies

Comment Wall


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Comment by Diamond on Saturday

Thank you so much Jane for your kind and encouraging words.  Your words I had to read over and over again - " is time to enjoy yourself."   I sit wondering --how??  It seems as if everything in life has turned serious.  There was a time when I use to laugh to the very core of my being.  Now, I am trying to evaluate how to enjoy my life again.  Life is so beautiful and full of opportunities to explore God's beautiful creation.   So, Jane I think I have a lot of peaceful times , however, now I want to learn how to have fun again.   Thank you for your words of encouragement!!!

Comment by Jane P. on July 3, 2017 at 6:38am

Diamond, it is time for you and it is time to enjoy yourself.  Yes death makes one have a reality check on what is important and what is not.  The loss of a love one puts things in perspective over the value we once had over things.  There is not one thing we valued here on earth that we can take with us.  I sometimes think God makes us have a reality check on life by showing us death.  With the loss of my husband it put me into another type of grief since the we was turned into an I and I am working through that one too.  

I keep everything alive in my heart through memories and through these memories I can move forward.   I can hold my head high because I was there for them when they needed me the most but I was also there for both of them holding their hands while they took their final breaths.

Yes, care giving is a hard thankless job but we did it for the ones we loved because we could.  Hugs, Jane

Comment by Diamond on June 30, 2017 at 8:43am

Jane, Thank you so much ---your story is really one I can relate to....and your husband - you cared for him which is such a beautiful expression of true love.  My husband is very good to me and I can not imagine ..just throwing him away to any facility.  I would want to care for him.  I am enjoying our time now and loving him in the now death teaches value our loved ones now.  I am glad you were able to do the most honorable expression of love one can display to another human being during the most crucial time in their life.  Your  Expression of love and care will always rank high with our Heavenly Father!!!

Comment by Jane P. on June 30, 2017 at 8:27am

Diamond, you are so right the commandments cover our parents and I was raised to respect the elderly even if the elderly become our parents.  Yes, some cannot deal with the thought of caring for a parent or anyone at that matter but it is life and either we face reality or hide from it.  However, hiding always seems to find you!  

I too did not take care of myself when dealing with my mom and then my husband and somedays I am paying the price for the neglect of one self.  Some price I paid for caring but I always seem to think God has a plan for me and in the big picture of things it seems to come two fold.  

No matter what others say or think remember one thing you did the right thing and you are the one who can hold your head high with grace and dignity.  Hugs, Jane

Comment by Diamond on June 30, 2017 at 7:40am

Thank you so much for your feedback, Jane.  Yes, I hear you.  I cared for both of my parents at the same time.   So, I truly do understand the task; but as you say - some will turn their heads - which is really sad, and for that reason, I am glad I have this site to vent. 

It is the hardest job almost one you would never imagine.  Some have told me it's like caring for a child; No - the wrong answer - it is more complicated than that.  At least with a child, you can wrap them up and keep moving.  Your parents are totally different.  Oh, the family meeting - I had.  The response - "Let The State Take Care Of Them."   I was in total disbelief.  

So, I just kept in mind the commandment at Ephesian 6:1,2 - to Honor your Father and Mother."  Jane that is a commandment - it is not a suggestion and I truly believe it is the most painful experience for a parent to go through - feeling the lack of love their own children throw their way.  I know not everyone can do the job.  But what if our parents felt that way when we were just small babies in their arms; what if they would have thrown their hands up and said: "this is too much crying - too many changing of the pampers - I've got to get someone else to do this." 

However, it is an eye opener for me to take care of my health (as long as it is possible) so that I will not be at the mercy of those who do not care for me at an early stage toward the end of my life.  

Comment by Jane P. on June 30, 2017 at 5:39am

Diamond,  Caregiving is the hardest job in the world because it usually involves someone we love.  Someone who gave us found memories so we care for them out of love.  It is one of the most needed jobs but yet it is the most thankless job.  I took care of my mom and within 7 months of her death I was at it again with my husband.  In each case I cared, gave it my all and the outcome was always the same, they both died.  I went from having no time to breath to having all the time in the world and not knowing what to do with it.  

Sometimes people look the other way when someone else takes charge.  If possible, you need to have a family meeting and design a weekly work schedule assigning each sibling with a week they will be taking care of your/their mother.  If there are no takers and nothing but grumbles then you may want to check into a nursing facility and present this information at the family meeting.  None of this is easy for you but when one person takes charge others seem to look the other way.  

Find a special place in your home for you to vent, talk to yourself, or just breath.  I use to sit in a dark closet, or while taking a shower, that was my time even for a few minutes!  I so wish you the best.  Hugs Jane

Comment by Diamond on June 29, 2017 at 1:16pm

Being a caregiver and needing care and wanting others to care is such a sensitive and explosive topic.  I have witnessed personally how one person carries the bulk of the responsibility in regards to caring for a set of parents that birth perhaps 8 children - yet one is carrying the sole responsibility of caring for the parent's needs. (Ephesian 6:1,2) 

The caring child is full of all kinds of emotions not due to lacking any love for their parents but just the indifferent of an attitude of their sibling leaves one enraged and angry.  The caregiver may need a momentary break but to receive that opportunity from other family members is like trying to pull teeth that are permanently cemented to your gums.  It almost can not be done without some sort of pain or combative confrontation. 

So, in order to cope you have to almost adopt the attitude that there is no help except that which is provided by support groups. It can alleviate a lot of stress and frustration.  The reality of their care for their parents or lack there of and their level of selfishness will surface during this time period!  

Comment by Blair Alexandria Gorham on July 22, 2015 at 1:49pm

It's really hard giving care. Not because you don't want to but because it takes a great deal of strength. You give and give but sometimes forget to take care of yourself. Lamentations 3:55-57 has really helped me. God hears our prayers. Sometimes just crying to him makes me feel better. Throwing all my burdens on him so I can start anew and be ready for the next day that comes with its own burdens.

Comment by Theresa Wimann on April 15, 2014 at 7:34pm
My sister, my brother and I are caregivers for my mother with AlzhEimers. Don't get me wrong. We adore mom although she hasn't identified any of us in three years. She is in a CBRF where she gets excellent care but I miss my funny, sassy, laughing mom. She usED to light up the room and she made the world a better, happier place for many. Sometimes I wonder why her? Dad took care of her for many years until she began running away from home. He had Parkinson's but he sacrificed all to care for her. This month it is three years since he passed and three months since my husband passed. I need to find something fun to bring her for Easter. Any ideas? It am plum out.
Comment by Carlo Cacioppo on February 5, 2014 at 11:03pm

Janelle, such an awsome show of strength by you, so proud to know you, take good care and keep me posted how your doing.


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