People seem to think our tears and loss is different then "straight" folks. I have propbably a even # of both.  The hard part is when you have been a partner for 17 yrs as my self the support of "like" situation is few or no one has had a place to talk. I would love to talk and meet other widows and form a bond. i am lonely and sad inside as we had one of those really great relationships

. We had respect and we were each others best friend first and formost. We spent allot of time with each other over these 17yrs and that has made the loss harder for myself. I am steping forward and sliding back at the speed of sound. I worry about keeping my home as we didn't ever anticipate Ovarian cancer being what would take us away from each other. paige was so brave and proud..up till the last days she felt we could beat this....thanks for listening..I'm here in Colorado..hope to hear from you..anyone.. Blessing and hugs

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Hey Jeannie... wrote to you in the gay support group, but thought i'd add here too... i do understand your feelings and loss.. tho it's been many years for me, Carolyn was my first lover..when i first came out.. but was killed in a car accident when we were going on vacation...our first together as a couple... it still hurts at times and tho i've moved on in many ways, she will never be forgotten and will always be a big part of my heart.. feel free to write or if you wish, i have unlimited long distance also and  always glad to lend an ear.. take care and hope to hear from you soon.. hugsssssssssss   Jeannie S.

Thank you for taking the time to write. I an still very sad and the tears are heart wrinching,,I pray she is beside me and someday I will have tears that are caught by my smile..as we were the couple everyone said " You are always sming and laughing..we did,,in 17yrs 5 fu/bars..not bad..being best friends abd liking each other helped with a doae of respect.. I think the hard part is I have had medical issues for 10 yrs and she was my strength and support and made it ok to fight to stay alive. the waited on the Queen and now my princess is gone..Not sure what to do,but I will try and honor her by trying to stay alive.

 

hus Jeannie

Ray Vicario said:

Hey Jeannie. I just got on this site and wanted to say hello to you. John was my first partner that I ever lived with. We were together for two years and then he passed of a coronary heart attack. Even though we were together for only 2 years, I loved him very much and he made me happy! As of today I"m spriitual and it's a blessing to have John with me in spirit. Because of that it makes it easier to want to be in a relationship again...I still tear up, but it's tears of happiness...I'm here for you to talk and listen..Hugs...Ray .V

Hello Jeannie and everyone

 

The pain of losing your best friend, soul mate, partner, and lover, all rolled in to one, is devastaing I can sympathise with you very much, I lost my partner on the 22nd of Feb 2011 after a three year battle with cancer, I am so lost, I don't know if I can make it thru this lonely heatbreaking time, I feel I want to be with her.

I am seeking help via antidepressants, which will help me to cope, but it will not take away the pain and loss.

I believe very strongly that our loved ones are not far from us, and will help us in every way they can, I have had a number of signs that can only be her doing her best to get me thru.

It is very early days, I daren't look to the future as all I see is life without her, so it's a day at a time for me, I know I will never get over it, but hopefully the pain will ease with time.

 

she said she wanted me to be happy, she said she would always watch over me,  so jeannie you can be sure that your partner will be watching over you, they know when we need them even when we don't know that ourselves.

I know the dispair you are in, this is the worst place on earth to be in, but know that those you loved will not be suffering anymore, my partner had had enough she needed peace, and the only way she could get that was to leave the body she was in, but the spirt will always be alive, the love you shared is everlasting, we cannot forget that, I know my partner is with me every step of the way, however sad, however tough, however dark it maybe, she will guide me thru, and your partner will do the same for you.

god bless, xxx 

P.S. we were together for 27yrs
Hi Jeannie:  You seem like such a nice lady.  And a great lady too.  I am sure part of your greatness was because of Paige.  I lost a partner on June 14.  He was a type a personality with very high blood pressure all his life and heart disease for the last 15 years.  We met in 1978.  After about 5 break-ups, we got together in 1986 and have been together ever since.  One thing I think that applies to gay males (and perhaps lesbians too) is that all we hear about is the cry of "community."  I have always felt that whatever "community" gay males created for themselves was a really shallow and superficial one!  But, because of Bill, I did not have to worry about that!  I wonder if it was the same for you and Paige.  It must be rough worrying about keeping your home.  I am worried too.  About 3 mos. before Bill died I lost my job.  What makes my worry easier to bear, perhaps, than your worry about your home is that I bought the condo next door to Bill's and we combined units.  So, I intend to sell my condo -- or just give it back to the bank and move into "Bill's."  I know your home must be precious to you.  No where at home feels right to me--I used to relax for a couple hours on Saturday in the study, enjoying the time for me, but only because Bill and I had the whole evening to spend together.  Now, of course, I have 24/7 to relax all by myself; I don't have to tell you how awful that is!  What makes me sad for you is that you are worried about losing your home.  Home is truly a refuge--not as much a refuge as when Paige was there perhaps, but it's still a refuge.  I hope you are feeling a bit stronger.  I hope you don't mind my note.

I know, I know, I know.  I cry alot as well. No support. Nothing at all and I am empty. I would glad to be part of a group who understands this pain. We were going to move Denver but it did not happen.  I am still in Texas and having a hard time. 

Hi, Jeannie,

I, too, am saddened to hear of your loss. It goes to your very core and the pain never seems to dissipate. My beloved, BJ, died just shy of 3 years ago, but it seems like yesterday. We had not done a great job of planning for the future, so I was unable to keep our home of 25 years and lost it to the bank last fall, 2011. I'm still reeling from BJ's loss and now the house, too. Having to go through everything and making quick decisions was heart wrenching. I, too, am disabled and relied heavily upon my BJ for help. She was always there and could always remember what I should do to help me. I find myself unable to think sometimes and just praying she'll give me a sign to show me the way.

All I can say is I keep waking up each day and put one foot in front of the other. You just keep on keeping on and do whatever it is you have to do to survive. I know it's tough. Being with BJ for 35 years and being only 20 when we got together has been life-changing. For whatever reason, I finally found this site today--a cold, rainy day--and I had been looking for the last 2 years for some sort of hope and help with this devastating grief.

If ever you want to talk or write, don't hesitate to email me!

Hi Norma and all,

I think you are totally right. I am agree with you whatever you said. My girlfriend/Fiance passed away 3 and half months but still i am pain, grief, heart broken ,sad lonely. But everything around me is her and when i think her i felt great. Yes all our loved one are watching us from heaven.

But hard to say she is gone or never come back. Never be with me at my side when she was always. Yes we all have to keep do what we are doing and survive. Hard time for all of us. Remember pain never go away no matter what you do because that was our loved one. Also they are angel and they protect us from heaven. We can pray for them and they will pray for us too.

Feel free to email me or talk to me. Please i am totally alone too.

Evana

norma ferrie said:

Hello Jeannie and everyone

 

The pain of losing your best friend, soul mate, partner, and lover, all rolled in to one, is devastaing I can sympathise with you very much, I lost my partner on the 22nd of Feb 2011 after a three year battle with cancer, I am so lost, I don't know if I can make it thru this lonely heatbreaking time, I feel I want to be with her.

I am seeking help via antidepressants, which will help me to cope, but it will not take away the pain and loss.

I believe very strongly that our loved ones are not far from us, and will help us in every way they can, I have had a number of signs that can only be her doing her best to get me thru.

It is very early days, I daren't look to the future as all I see is life without her, so it's a day at a time for me, I know I will never get over it, but hopefully the pain will ease with time.

 

she said she wanted me to be happy, she said she would always watch over me,  so jeannie you can be sure that your partner will be watching over you, they know when we need them even when we don't know that ourselves.

I know the dispair you are in, this is the worst place on earth to be in, but know that those you loved will not be suffering anymore, my partner had had enough she needed peace, and the only way she could get that was to leave the body she was in, but the spirt will always be alive, the love you shared is everlasting, we cannot forget that, I know my partner is with me every step of the way, however sad, however tough, however dark it maybe, she will guide me thru, and your partner will do the same for you.

god bless, xxx 

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