I found my beloved partner of 19 years on Friday morning, lying on his bathroom floor, struggling for air. He had already suffered a massive brain aneurism. When he stopped breathing, I started CPR until the paramedics arrived. By the time I got to the hospital, he had vitals again, but they slowly faded away. We finally let him go the next Saturday morning when his family was fully present.

Within hours of his death, his family took steps to have me evicted from our home. They drove off in his car. They even took our puppy.

My family and friends have been amazingly supportive. I know I have to go on. I will go on. I just feel as if I'm under a 30 ton rock. I've never been so surrounded by friends and family and yet so utterly alone. I don't want to go to bed because he won't be there. I don't want to face the day because I don't want to walk into the kitchen and not see him making breakfast. I should be mourning his loss but I'm looking for a new place to live and buying all new furniture.

How do you get through the first week? I really don't know what to do.

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Replies to This Discussion

First off sorry for your loss. And very sorry you are not being treated well by his family. I too lost my soul partner of 20 years. His family was great to me. His children and I were the ones who made the desision to stop life support and have a plot next to him, when my time is up. The first week very surreal. As with you it will start when you get settled in a new place. I had a fear that I would be evicted out of our place since I had to be the sole person to pay rent. But the Land Lords are being conciderate of me. My family all live very far away and never been supportive  of me and my partner Darrell. Hang in there and always tell your family and friends how you feel at any given time. You will be in my prayers.

Hi David, I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for you loss. It's terrible that your partner's family acted that way toward you especially with everything else that you are trying to deal with.

My partner Homer passed away in February. We were together over 30 years. He was a sweet wonderful guy and I miss him so. The first few weeks were the most difficult yes but it's still hard. To be honest I don't know how I have made it through some days, but I have.I don't think it's something that you ever get over though.Especially if you really loved the person. Please feel free to contact me any time. Take care.

Hi David, I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost my partner of 6 years due to a sudden heart attack on Aug 20. I don't really remember what I did in the first week unless I tried hard to. The shock and disblief were so overwhelming that I was immediately forced to be an autopilot. I needed to take care of what I was supposed to. I was also surronded by friends and my partners' families yet felt incredible emptiness and lonliness inside. The inbearable pain didn't come until everybody else went back to their own normal life. At that time I knew eventually I will need to go through this all by myself. I wish I could tell you how to feel better in the first week but I don't know that either. Even today I still don't believe what had happened. Hang in there and talk to people you can trust. When the pain becomes inbearable, I found screaming in the car when I am driving on the high way really help, and I never screamed before in my life. Keep in touch with the people here and take care of yourself. 

Hi David!

Like the others who have responded before me, I'm so sorry for your lost. Tina, my partner, who passed on March 3rd, & I would have celebrated 29 years together on Halloween. It was an easy date to remember. Don't try to do too much as everything will seem overwhelming. Just one step at a time! In addition to losing Tina, my brother & I are caring for two elderly parents with dementia. Only my Mom is ambulatory but sometimes, because of the dementia, she'll ask me if Tina is still at work. Because she had a diagnosed severe heart problem of aortic dissection Type II, we had known for 4 years that the end could be at any time. So, we talked about EVERYTHING, including death and dying. Her mantra was "Forever & a Day," & I honor her, & try to dissipate quickly the thoughts of suicide as I had promised her that I wouldn't do that. I'm fixing up our retirement home near the beach as we had discussed. Although she's physically not here, she is constantly with me as your partner will be for you. Peace!


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