I already know the textbook answer is that "I must save myself."  So for me those text book answers seem so impossible.  in June of 2007 I met Richard - and we were never apart until he passed on 11/5/2015 after 4 mos of stomach cancer.  When I moved to Miami with some money in my pocket and not a clue of what I was going to do with my life.  Then I met Richard and he stopped me from falling.  He caught a very lost person and we began to sail on our ship of life.

He loved and cared for me and made me feel that at least I would be alright and he would be there no matter what.  I worked and contributed and we muddled through life - After he passed away I was unable to keep up with my job and have moved back in with family in another state. Every day I wish and hope it's just a terrible nightmare.  Tomorrow is only 6 mos and I feel just as lost.  When we met I never expected to be saved per se but for a while it felt like I was.  

Now I feel so very very lost.  I am in a state I really don't care to be in.  I lost a job i just couldn't do feeling so depressed and I am also losing the house we loved and cherished.  I have almost no energy to do anything to go forward because what lies ahead isn't really what I want it seems.  

I am desperate for a muse and I fear it will never come. 

Well that's how I feel - 

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David,

I saw you post on that site. You said Hi in one post then you posted a long one about how your partner wasn't so nice then had a brain aneryism (spelling ?) and turned into this super nice guy the last 16-17 years. That was you wasn't it? I responded to you and said something like Hi, there you are, so glad to see here! Did you get that? 

New Member
Joined
Added by Neil Do Yesterday
There you are. All you do now is log into that page and read what you want to read. Post a comment when you want to and like, heart, wow, teary, or angry symbols to respond to a post with/or without commenting. AND, yes, I am your friend. If you still have trouble, let me know. We can call each other and I can talk you through it. Please, keep at it until you get it. That page has way more going on than this site. I used to be on this site as well. There is one thing I want to you to know, if you maintain a regular FB page and don't want posts on the LGBTQ page to show up, let me know. We will have to change your privacy settings so that won't happen. 
Let me know what else I can help you with. Grief is very, very hard unless, like you say, you have been through it. So, your family and friends won't be much support in that area. 
Your Friend,
Janet Angelone
You can email me directly at missinyakima@yahoo.com.

David, 

Are you ok? I am getting worried since you have not responded in a couple days. Please let me know how you are!

Janet Angelone

Thank you for your kind concern, Janet.

I try not to write when I am not in a genuine crisis like running the streets screaming :)  Yes, my David and I had a very "dynamic" relationship.  I fell in love with the person he became after his anyurism - the 2nd Dave.

I was packed and ready to leave him just before he became ill. And then years after I was still expecting the first Dave to come home - one for the APA  books, as my therapist at the time observed.

How are you doing?  You seem so together. Please tell me your story.  You probably posted it and I just cannot remember it all still confuses me.

Thank you again, Janet

Hope to keep in touch

David H

David,

You don't have to be in dire straits to post anything. And, yes I did post my story here a while back. Judy and I were together 22 years but, knew each other about 20 years before even got together. We owned an auto repair shop which she mostly ran and I was a teacher for special education students for 23 years. I went to the shop after school, summer break and all holidays. When she was diagnosed with untreatable pancreatic cancer, we sold the shop for a fraction of it's value so we could focus on her. By that time, I had already retired from teaching. Her family lives in Washington state, so we decided to take her there to spend out her last days. She lived a little over 5 months from the time she was diagnosed. When it came time for me to return to our home, I came alone, no wife, no job, no shop. I was truly devastated. The pain was something I had NEVER before experienced! I immediately got into counseling and joined a grief support group. Both of these helped. She died Oct. 5, 2015. In the picture, she is on the right. 

Thanks for getting back to me. If you would still like to do facebook, let me know. You can do it. I joined that site just about a year ago, and still use it every single day, several times a day. 

Many, many hugs David. This path is more brutal than anything you will ever know, but, I can promise you, you will learn to carry the loss and everyday won't always be like they are now. 

Janet

Thank you again, Janet,

Wow!  your relationship went way back.

It has to be true:  the longer we love, the longer we grieve.

How did you fare with the loss of your job and your shop?

The loss of a loved one is not an isolated tragedy; it affects all aspects of our lives.  I had to make undertaking arrangements for Dave, pack up our house and move out of state in less than 4 weeks of his death.  My head is still spinning with all of that. esp with the postponed grief. Dave's kind friends in our town arranged to host a celebration of his life, as that would've been all that Dave would have wanted.  We did not have the time to stay over as his daughter had a job to get back to and the kids back in school, so there was no celebration.  It bothers me.  We will still have it when we are settled --  after yet another move to another state.  And yes,  not to mention my huge adjustment living with his family. So that is my story at present, lots of uprooting and turmoil.  It is brutal.  I love him more than I can say.

Hugs to you, Janet,

David H

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