I am so sorry to hear of your soul mates passing. I too lost my best friend of 27 years. Billy passed away a year ago April 4th, he was only 49. It is all so fresh for you right now. I too thought i could never go on. there were many nights of crying myself to sleep. of desperation, sadness and feeling so alone. I had no one to support me and luckily found this site. It has been the hardest year of my life i think. But i am here to tell you, although life will never be the same, time does ease the pain. it could never take it away but it will subside to a livable point. Keep busy. take one day at a time, surround yourself with good friends and a good support network. Never be afraid of asking for help! and know if you ever need to chat Message me here and ill reply as soon as i see your post or message!
I too felt the exact same way. Billy was the only person I felt understood me and never judged me. But I'm learning there are others who care. Just stay strong my friend and take care of yourself above all else. Time will heal never replace, but will heal!
First of all don't be hard on yourself! You did not fail him! You held his hand until the very end and were with him his entire journey my friend! No one could ask for a better friend, lover or partner! Never second judge yourself or your actions. He was very fortunate to have you, so many people pass with no one beside them. Take time and heal, be patient and I promise you things get better.
Love and hugs
Hello Brian. Yes it is extremely unfair. My lover Clark and I took early retirement last year. The day we moved to our country home was the same day I had to call the ambulance to come take Clark to the hospital emergency room. It was his heart. He died 36 hours later and I too was holding his hand. We were together 32 years. We met when he was 22 and I was 24. Now I live in the country all alone. I do not know anyone here and to move back to the city just seems like such a big obstacle. I am afraid I cannot tell you it gets better. It hasn't yet for me and it is almost 11 months since that horrible night. But I know it does eventually get a bit easier to deal with. I lost my mom and dad and older brother to a drunk driver 14 years ago and yes, it did take a long time to deal with things but eventually you start to remember the good times more than you remember the bad. We just have to hold on. Just remember how blessed you were to have known your soulmate and to have loved him. Some people never have that joy of true love.
I hear you Brian. My neighbor in the city told me, also about 2 weeks after Clark died, "Well, I guess this means you are single again." I wanted to punch his lights out. As if, after 32 years of being in a loving relationship... that would be on my mind after such a short time. But after I calmed down I came to feel sorry for my neighbor. That comment just showed me how little he knows of true love. Other friends have also told me I need to move "forward". As if grieving for a true love has a time limit. I tell them that grieving the loss of a real love is timeless. That moving forward is only their way of telling me not to mention Clark or his passing again because it makes THEM uncomfortable. Well, I will move forward when I am ready and not a minute sooner. And so will you Brian. Let your sister think what she wants. You and only you know the beauty of your relationship with your husband. Never let anyone diminish it or make you feel like it needs to be swept under the rug. Be well, and remember your beautiful husband in all the ways that mean something to you.
Hello Brian. That is a very nice offer (thank you) to keep the conversation going via text but unfortunately I am up in northern Ontario, Canada and my texting and calling plan only covers the province of Ontario. I too do not talk much over the phone these days. Being in the country my friends were calling me every day or every other day but now that so many months have passed I only get one or two calls a week from anyone. But please feel free to connect with me here or email me directly at: firstname.lastname@example.org I would be happy to chat further.