Lately, I've been troubled by the vision of the CPR machine that the EMTs used.  Her chest was rising up and down, and her breasts were moving every which direction (She was a DD cup).  I finally figured out the word for how it felt to me - violation.  I'm grateful the paramedics tried, don't get me wrong.  It was just traumatic to watch.  I couldn't even bear to touch her afterwards.  When my step-daughter arrived, they had already declared her dead and they had covered her with a sheet.  My step-daughter went over and cradled her head; all I could do was watch.  Anyway, I hope this group is active. 

Karen

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Karen,

I'm glad you found your way to this group!  When my Barry died, by hanging, I was the one who started the CPR.  When the EMT's arrived, they ushered me out of the house.  I never saw them hook him up to the machine.  I'm sorry you had to watch that.  Experiencing a sudden shock like that, does strange things to us.  What you're experiencing is quite normal, in my experience speaking with others who have gone through similar events.  Are you in any kind of counselling?  I highly recommend it, if you aren't currently.  It helped me a great deal.

We are all experiencing, and learning from, our grief.  Sharing our stories is very important.  It helps each of us know that we are not alone and by sharing our own story, some little piece of it may be able to help someone else.  If you ever want to talk, feel free to send me a message.

Christopher

I am in counseling.  Some days it's grief related.  Other days it's other issues.  Once the coroner arrived and they were taking her body out, that's when we were all ushered out, in winter no less in Minneapolis!  I was in so much shock, I didn't really even notice the cold.  At least it wasn't frigid!

Christopher Ruggles said:

Karen,

I'm glad you found your way to this group!  When my Barry died, by hanging, I was the one who started the CPR.  When the EMT's arrived, they ushered me out of the house.  I never saw them hook him up to the machine.  I'm sorry you had to watch that.  Experiencing a sudden shock like that, does strange things to us.  What you're experiencing is quite normal, in my experience speaking with others who have gone through similar events.  Are you in any kind of counselling?  I highly recommend it, if you aren't currently.  It helped me a great deal.

We are all experiencing, and learning from, our grief.  Sharing our stories is very important.  It helps each of us know that we are not alone and by sharing our own story, some little piece of it may be able to help someone else.  If you ever want to talk, feel free to send me a message.

Christopher

Karen,

Once you enter that state of shock, everything kind of shuts down.  I'm in Arizona, so when we were taken out, it was already in the 100's and I had no shoes.  It wasn't until much later in the day that I noticed the sunburn or the pain in my feet from the hot concrete.  It's truly amazing what the body does to protect itself!  Do you do any journalling?  Some people have great success with it while they are on their grief path.  While writing they enter that space where it just all starts to pour out, out of control.  In review there are distinct moments of clarity that gives them new insight into the event that brings them to a new, positive place on their grief path.

This has become my new mantra when speaking to other widows and widowers, "Your grief is your own!  No one, and I mean no one, can tell you "how" to grieve or what to feel.  You have all the control.  Revel in the memories, dance to the music, sing at the top of your lungs, get angry when you need to and celebrate the time you shared."  Take from it what you will and know that you may be on your own unique grief path, but you are NEVER alone!

Christopher

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