Hi Amanda. My name is Kay and I’m new here and just saw your post. Have you found help and comfort here? I’m looking for some , too. I lost my girlfriend last March and am having a really rough time. I’m needing someone to talk to and feel like I have no one.
I too am having a hard time. It has been almost two years since I lost my wife and I still do not know what to do with myself. We were together for 35 years and then she got ovarian cancer and was gone in 5 months. Six days later I lost an aunt I cared for and then 2 weeks later a close friend. I am still reeling from it all and have no idea how to move forward. Does anyone???
I'm replying to the 4 messages above, too. Hi. My name is Care and I'm not very excited to be coming up to my 10 year remembrance of the date my beloved of 35 years died. I must admit, it took me several years to get through the worst of it. I lost my sister just 3 months before, and then one of my dogs 7 months after. The pain of loss from your partner in life is huge! I kept feeling like "half of me was missing." You know, how she'd fill in the end of my story I'm telling; or always be there when I needed her; or always knew just what I needed to comfort me at any particular moment. I have not found anyone like her since, and I know she was one of a kind. All I can reveal to you from my experience, is it takes time; I found it helpful to take self-help courses to help "find me" again; and lots of crying, searching, and never-ending pain. The pain, however, isn't always going to be like your gut was punched, you can't catch your breath, your heart aches--someday it lessens to a dull roar. But I know I will be with her again, and this gives me the most hope for me today. If any of you (Amanda, Kay, April, or Ellen) want to chat more, just send me a message. I will reply. Hugs!
Thanks for your words. It hasn't yet been 2 years since I lost Pat and I do feel like there is a huge hole in my life. I try to keep busy with friends but mostly I feel disconnected from what is going on around me. Nothing much seems to matter and I just go forward and tell everyone that I am fine. Actually I am faking it until I make it as one of my friends said. crying never seems to end! It is good??? to know I am not the only one feeling lost. How do you reinvent yourself after 35 years is my question; especially when you are no longer young.
It's not easy!!! I'm still in the process of getting to where I want to get. Instead of spending more time on myself, healing, I volunteered to help take care of my father. He died 12/24/17 and in October, 2018, his estate was settled. So, I took over the family home and am now created "my world" here. My grandparents originally purchased this house in 1950, so there are lots of memories and things for me to sort through and decide to keep or not. I'm finding, however, that it is exciting to orchestrate my home. And this has given me new purpose. Like you, finding your purpose is important.
One of the biggest things that has kept me alive is knowing my beloved BJ would NOT want me to succumb to my grief--that she would want me to live a full life however long it's meant to be. I'm gifted with occasional "visits" from her, too, so that really helps.
I didn't think I'd live this long after she died. I really didn't. I always believed that my heart would die without her. In a sense, part of it did, but as I said, BJ would want me to keep on going.
Our favorite song was "You and Me Against the World" by Helen Reddy. The line, "when one of us is gone, the memories will have to do..." Looking back, BJ never thought she'd make it to age 50 and for dang sure not 60. I didn't believe her, but she was right. She was 57 when she died. And our memories have kept me going, especially in those dark times when the grief hits me like a ton of bricks!
It sounds like you're doing what you can--involving yourself with friends. Take each day as it comes and don't judge yourself! Each of us deals with grief our own way. If you need to cry, then cry! Your friends are probably more supportive than you realize. They know how long you two were together and that 35 years just does not get erased just like that. 35 years is a lifetime for many!
My biggest setback to this day is focus. I start on one project, than jump to another and another and another. I also meditate almost daily to calm myself.
Keep in touch and let me know how you're doing. As I wrote before, I'm here and willing to listen. I know how hard this is for you.
Focus is my problem too!! That and really feeling disconnected from most everything. My biggest problem at this point is that I do not drive so it can get expensive ubering all over the place. Luckily I like to walk and when the weather is not too hot I will walk for at least two miles. But still I am waiting for the time I will care more and want to be alive.