I lost my partner 6 months ago, we were together 30 years. No matter how you lose someone it's going to be hard. And, I mean heartbreaking, soul searching hard. You'll never understand a death like your partners when others, like my partner, struggled with cancer and wanted every moment of life. You just have to know it was his decision and I'm sure he's in a better place now. I like to think that when we die all sickness goes away. A person is a peace even though we are not for a while. Just know that I along with many others are here for you. Think of the good times, I do.
Gary, on June 7th, 2011, I found my husband had taken his life, also from depression. Things are going to be damn hard, before they get better. That feeling you have, of being shot through by a cannon, will ease, slowly. Right now, just concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other. If all you can manage is showering and making a sandwich, that's okay! Please remember that you are not alone. Feel free to message me, any time.