I've had the extraordinary experience of being in love at a young age. It started out as a close friendship then developed. We did everything together, went everywhere together. When I lost him, he took a piece of me with him. When he passed I would barely talk, eat, be in the same room with people. I could be in a massive crowd and still feel all alone. 7 years later, I'm still in that spot. and I'm not even 25 yet. He was buried on Christmas Day. I haven't celebrated Christmas since then. Every December I have the hardest time going through with life. I would do anything to be with him again because I honestly believe that he was my true love and I'll never have that again.
How do I pick up the pieces? How do I move on? Will I ever be able to let anyone else get that close to me? It's all a blur.
Marlon, I'm so sorry you feel like you're stuck. It sounds like you had a very special relationship. A lot of people I talk to, and myself at times, feel stuck. Losing a spouse is certainly never easy, and there is definitely no manual for us to help us heal and continue to live life. I truly wish there were! If you ever want to talk, feel free to send me a message.
I do appreciate it Christopher. I've spent the last 7 years in utter hurt and don't know how to break away from it. They say it gets easier with time but for me it got harder.
Thank you so much for the kind words Paul. And I an also sorry for your loss. 23 years is quite a long time, almost all the years I've been alive. Time will tell how things will go.
Before I joined this site, I spent the past hour crying. It's tough as I'm sure you know. It's always good to have people who've been in the creek you are in to understand the level of hurt and pain.
I haven't sorted after any professional help...you'd think I would after this long. I've carried this weight with me for the past 7 years. I think I need to though.
I want to offer my condolances for your loss Marlon. This past August, I lost my partner, Shane of 36 years and I am not looking forward to this Christmas season. This past Thursday, I attended a service at the funeral home. They put on a service every year for those who have passed in the last year. You place a flower in a vase for your loved one and you receive an angel with your loved one's name on it. One of the guest speakers, the minister who did Shane's service talked about the journey of grief and compared it to when you have a flash light and are walking in the dark. The light just shows you your next few steps, but not the end of your destination.
Some of my days are ok, and others are simply devastating for me. When Shane was sick for the 4 1/2 months, we knew the outcome would not be good and the thought of his leaving seemed more than I could handle, but 2 days before he passed this same minister came to see me and talked to me about the journey we were going through. She said to me that there would be a point that I could go no further with him and that he would need to continue on his own. When I feel sad and lonely , I recall that and understand that in my journey I am only seeing the next few steps ahead. Everyone's journey is different.
I take one day at a time, some days seem ok while others seem so hard, but in spite of that my focus is where I am today , rather that where I want to be in the future.
I hope this will help a little Marlon.
This will be my first Christmas without Rob. My family pushed for me to come there for the holidays. I personally would rather stay curled up in a ball on my couch crying for a solid week, but I also realize that isn't what is best for me. I feel for you, deeply. All I can offer is that anyone who loves always wants the best for the person they love. He would want you to be happy. It is my debt to him for the love he had for me, that I should work to find the strength to be happy again.