Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Shane Clements on June 23, 2016 at 5:18am

Dear Danny

I am so sorry to hear of Bens sudden passing. My partner of 26 years passed in 2013 and im here to tell you that although the hurt and emptyness will never fully go away but with time it does get better, Stay strong and keep a close support group of good friends and above all else let your emotions out and let others know how your feeling. there is no right or wrong way to grieve , we all tend to grieve differently so accept that the stage your in is right and your feelings are valid and stay involved in life. with friends, activities. Time will never take away the pain fully but it will ease it. we are here for you if you need anyone to talk to. your friend.

Shane

Permalink Reply by Danny N on June 23, 2016 at 11:50pm

Thank you Shane and I'm sorry about your loss. I'm normally a very quiet person and seldom reach out to people, even friends and family. I do have a group of friends I can talk to so I'm learning to gradually reach out more. I've let myself just pour out emotions. A small thing can bring back so many memories and I lose it. But I know it's good for me to do that now.

Thank you for reaching out to me.  

Permalink Reply by Shane Clements on June 23, 2016 at 11:57pm

I know exactly what you mean, for so long i would pass a specific store and remember us shopping for Christmas lights and ornaments and would have a panic attack or our favorite restaurant. Those feelings are real and raw and thank goodness I had a great support group of friends, mostly professional friends in the medical field who were there for me during all this and especially during planning his memorial service. It was a horrible time in the beginning and i thought things would NEVER be normal again, or close to normal as possible,but although my heart has an empty place, time does ease the pain. So glad you have close friends with you and hope you hang in there and remember we are always here for you!

Shane

Permalink Reply by Danny N on June 24, 2016 at 1:02am

Yes, the driving around our area and every store/restaurant has a specific memory. It's little things like this store down our street he loved. He bought a small little canvas placard that says "You're a star.. shine on." He bought that for our bathroom and I just remember how happy a small thing like that meant to him. Every time I go to our bathroom I see it and just cry. Every time I drive by that store I remember him being so excited about this small thing. 

Permalink Reply by Danny N on June 23, 2016 at 11:59pm

Thank you Robert. I'm definitely riding the waves. The past couple of days were the first since Ben passed that I tried to stay busy. It's good for a few hours and then (good) memories strike me and I start crying.

I will look for that movie you mentioned. In my Google search for places like this I came by a video clip of Nate Berkus on Oprah's site. He went through a loss and one thing that struck me was the saying that when a soul finds what it's looking for it can go. Ben found me and made a life with me. I was his "home" to him and he would always tell me that.  

Permalink Reply by Richard Turner on June 23, 2016 at 12:11pm

So sorry about your loss, Danny.  Words don't really express what you're going through, nor what you will go through.  Shane's right, it does get better; I lost my partner in 2013, and it seemed like the world was on hold; but really I was on hold.  My life is back on-track, although it's a different track and I often reflect on the life I had, and the life I now have, and marvel at how we can come back from something like this and be changed yet be happy, and whole.  The worst part of grieving is you do it alone - which is why this site is so helpful, everybody here has gone through what you're going through.  And everybody has pretty much made it through - though we've all had our points of agony, of anger, and of denial.  As dark as things might seem right now, it really does get better, and in an odd way, you realize you have an appreciation for everything that you never knew was there. 

Permalink Reply by Danny N on June 24, 2016 at 12:05am

Thank you Richard and I'm sorry about your loss. I'm hoping to get to the level of living my new normal life without Ben. As much as it hurts now, It is dark right now, but I'm grateful I found a place like this to share his and my story. 

Permalink Reply by H43 on April 27, 2017 at 5:23pm

I'm so sorry for your loss. My partner of 10 years also died in a fatal car crash just this year. My life is a struggle. Please respond. Would love to connect with you. 

Permalink Reply by David Heggi on November 11, 2017 at 5:01pm

I lost my partner of 35 years Sept 2017. I surely can relate to your struggle - it hits at certain times of the day, and certain things, little things trigger IT, the grief. And you don't know how in Heaven you can survive it. but I do know in such a relatively short time that it is such a need; it is sooo desperately important to CONNECT. Sometimes it's near impossible, and those times are the "nites"

Bless you,
David

Permalink Reply by Rad on June 1, 2017 at 1:34pm

Hi Danny,

Deepest condolences to you and I am truly sorry for your lost. My very first guy I dated died in a fatal car accident too on Dec 3st, 2015. I was so upset and lost, but I know that I have to move on. I still read his messages every morning, and his lovely voicemails. But I still miss him so much. Last new years eve was heavy for me... but I am thankful to have Hiep Liang beside me and made me believe in love again. I am sure that you will be strong and go through this unfortunate event as time goes. But Ben must be very thankful to have you and just remember that there's always someone that you love looking after you from above. God bless you and stay strong!

Love, 

Rad

Permalink Reply by David Heggi on November 11, 2017 at 5:12pm

I am so sorry for your loss, Rad. I'm glad that you can read his messages and listen to his voicemail and have moved along and rediscovered a belief in love. It's only been a few months since my lost. Your journey gives me hope.

Bless you.
David

Permalink Reply by David Heggi on November 11, 2017 at 4:39pm

I understand: I miss my loved one every moment I am awake - yes esp in the morning when I have to realize yet again that he is gone - I don't want to go to sleep. He would always say that he loved me before he went to bed. and I would respond that I loved him too - had I known that it would be our last night together would I have done anything differently? It reels over and over in my head, but I have to say no. in the real world of life we do what we can, and some things are simply out of reach for us, they are in Gods realm - do I feel that? - no, I feel forsaken. I can only pray.

Bless you on your journey. I understand that there is a light, but we just can.t see it yet.

David