I lost my partner Dave 3 years ago to cancer. We had been together 13 years. Like you have heard, time does soften the sting a bit, which I know is hard to believe right now, but it does. Everyone's grief journey is unique but they all have one thing in common - it sucks. Mike is right, seeking out some local support groups or individual counseling might be helpful. You can do a google search to see what may be out there. I saw this link which may be of help.
Take it one moment at a time.
My name is Janet. I lost my partner of 21 years in October to pancreatic cancer. We only had from May (initial diagnosis) to prepare for her moving beyond our world here. I can't begin to fathom how alone you must feel. We had family on both sides along with friends. Judging from how difficult my getting through the last 4 months was for me, really pales in comparison to your grief of going at it all alone! What I can tell you is that I decided I needed counseling to help me cope. In my opinion, I was a complete wreck! What helped me to make that decision was, even though I had family and friends to support me, I did not feel comfortable leaning on them. Especially when it came to crying. For me, it got to where I did not like the person I was and wanted to "fast forward" through the really difficult process. In the city I am from, we have a GLBT center. Counseling is just one of the many services they provide to the community. I am just sharing this because I am not sure if you know or not, but counseling is offered on a sliding scale. If you are asking for advice, my suggestion would be to try to get into counseling or find a support group somewhere around there. Time does help and everyone has their own agenda for getting through the loss of a loved one but no one should have to be totally alone through the process! Take care.
hi derrick. my name is eric. first off let me say how sorry I am for your loss and being in this situation myself believe me when I say I am very sympathetic to your situation. I was with my partner for 15 years as well. he went to the superbowl last year and when he came back his eyes were yellow so I made hi go to the dr. turned out he had stage 4 pancreatic cancer. in 5 months he was gone and it wasn't a good 5 months, he was plagued with a gallbladder infection that I had to give him iv antibiotics at home for, he could barely move and I suddenly became his caregiver. His was a diagnosis that I thought would kill us both. I do not know how I am still alive as I had little help other then his hospital stays which I stayed there too, then hospice the last 10 days. I could go on and hopefully we can talk some more. I am not on here much but will check my emails for notification and if you want you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. maybe I can tell you some things that help a little. I know its hard to reach out in this time believe me but you must reach out to anyone you can you will find this to help. this is a long process my friend so reach out and please be gentle on yourself you are going through a fate worse than death I think, sincerely eric Johnson. I also have a profile on here
I wish I could say I was an objective someone but I experienced something similar - since no one can really feel what you feel. All I can say is I am unemployed and my rock in life has passed. He made life worth living and I am lost without him. I am so sorry to read of what you have experienced - please know you are not completely alone - my name is Robert and at 45 I am creating a new life - leaving a tropical climate where I loved my BF and we loved living in our condo. I have moved back to my home state of Rhode Island only because I didn't know where else to go. I pray this will make some sense someday