Gay and lesbians who have lost partners


Gay and lesbians who have lost partners

Who is there for us??

Members: 206
Latest Conversations: Feb 9

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Another Excellent Group is now on Facebook

Started by Robert Davis. Last reply by Pauline Overton Nov 4, 2018. 2 Replies Last year, one of the folks here, Niel, was looking for a more responsive and easier…Continue

He saved me - now he's gone who will save me now?

Started by robert j crowley. Last reply by Pauline Overton Nov 4, 2018. 20 Replies

I already know the textbook answer is that "I must save myself."  So for me those text book answers seem so impossible.  in June of 2007 I met Richard - and we were never apart until he passed on…Continue

Tags: alone, desperate, Lost


Started by April Fiorillo. Last reply by Pauline Overton Nov 4, 2018. 1 Reply

Lost my ex girlfriend to cancer and a brain aneurysm and it burst. Was with her many years, having a very hard time moving forward. You see she called me and died on the phone while we were talking,…Continue

Looking for people who can understand my loss

Started by Amanda. Last reply by Pauline Overton Nov 4, 2018. 4 Replies

Hello, my name is Amanda. I lost my partner over 3 years ago. It was a sudden and unexpected loss. I'm still grieving and struggling with it. I came on here hoping to find people who could understand…Continue

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Comment by Christopher Ruggles on August 10, 2012 at 8:13pm

Hi everyone.  It's been a while since I wrote an update, and I see we have some new members as well.  So I thought I would let everyone know what was going on with me.

Due to a strange twist of fate, I am back in Palm Springs, CA.  This was the only place that Barry and I truly felt was "home".  I expected to have some pretty major problems coming back.  As I crested the mountain and saw the valley laid out before me, all I could do was cry with happiness.  Barry, who is still with me, albeit not physically, made it quite clear that he as well, was happy to be back.  I'm VERY happy here and have actually been offered a new job, out of the blue.

I know some members have been feeling let down by the lack of activity.  It seems to come in spurts.  Please remember, we're all in the trenches of our grief and some times it's not as easy as we would like, to reach out to another who is hurting.  We'll try when we're able to pull ourselves out of our grief for a bit, and that's all we can promise.

I have talked, at length, about how our grief carries extra baggage.  From disapproving families, to the legal issues we face, etc.  These things make our grief even more difficult to bear.  When we, as GLBT people, take that first step onto the path of grief, we need someone to stand with us who understands the extra baggage.  I'm sure that is why this forum was started.  Personally, I do not check this forum as regularly as I probably should.  For that I apologize.  However, please know that I am available via email more often than not.  And to be honest, that is probably the best way to pull me out of myself so that I can help someone else who needs an ear.  topher dot ruggles@gmail dot com

Know that you are all loved and there are people who care very much for you.  Know that your loved one, though not physically with you, is still by your side ready to help you when you need it.

Comment by Richard Straughn on June 13, 2012 at 4:49pm

Not much help here.  I'm moving on to something else.  Thanks to those who have discussed and shared.

Comment by Brian Taylor on April 4, 2012 at 10:01pm
I lost my best friend and husband of 14 years, Eric, suddenly, only one week ago today. The last week has been filled with tears, pain and sadness like I have never known before. He died in our home while I desperately tried to resuscitate him. I have not been able to sleep as I relive the trauma when I close my eyes. I feel hopeless and lost.
Comment by Nancy Kennedy on April 2, 2012 at 9:08pm

I lost my partner of 28.5 years on March 3rd. She had aortic dissection, not an uncommon condition for black women, who are lean & athletic. We lived life "one day at a time," as I just retired & she was counting down until we could retire to our recently purchased house near the beach. Although some days are terribly hard, her spirit pervades me and assists me in dealing with my elderly parents who both have types of dementia and live in a well-run Seniors' facility that still necessitates familial involvement. So, "one day at a time" becomes "one second at a time." The outpouring of love for her transcended so many cultural groups which was a testament that MLK's dream can be achieved "even if the stage is but the merging of all life's contradictions!

Comment by Scott Hankins on March 26, 2012 at 3:41am
I am so sorry for everyone's loss is never easy in whatever form. I lost my finance Don June 10,2011 he was 47. He was the love of my life. He took his own life, it was such a surprise. Most of his life was spent as social worker, untill two years ago when he finished seminary  school. He worked as a pastor at the local prison. At the time of his death we lived apart. He had moved back to his native town for his children which I fully supported. The weekend before he passed his daughter finally agreed to move to AZ where I live. She had already been through so much with a terrible mom. We were so excited to be back under the same roof again. He showed no signs, we spoke daily on the phone and email. Seems like so many after suicide say why did I not see it, but I have searched every conversation for some sign I missed. His 21 year old son found him. That alone kills me to think he will now spend his entire life with that image of his dad. It should have been me to have taken that burden. Don left no note as to why. Leaving us all to wonder everyday as to why. His family allowed me to go to the services, excluding the burial (family only). I tried to find help in therapy but all they did was give me pills to take. I can not seem to get passed anger and the question why. His daughter who I am very close to has stayed in contact, his son does not seem to want anything to do with me. Don was much older than me I am only 27. My family who accepts me very well thinks since we were not living together at the time that the relationship did not exist. I am so frustrated at defending our relationship to people. Everyone just says at least he did not do it at your house. At least if he was home I could have had one last hug and kiss. I miss him so much, how do u deal with such pain?
Comment by Mike Schopp on March 16, 2012 at 10:48pm

I am a gay who has lost a dear friend.  I agree there is little gay bereavement support however, if you are available April 12-15 in Phoenix there is a truly spiritual event that has brought deep solace to those who have lost loved ones:

Comment by Rich on February 12, 2012 at 2:19pm

Karen, my deepest condolences to you, and all the poster's on this group. We are all part of club that we never wanted membership too.

 I lost my boyfriend  of 8.5 years when he died from a car accident driving to work last November.  Since we were not out to our families, or respective co-workers, it made it all the more hard to bear.  Our mutual friends knew and initially supported me, but now nearly 3 months later (with the exception of 1 friend) it's crickets.  It's like I don't even exist anymore and are bad luck.  Part of me thinks that those who are coupled saw me and know that this is what one of them will face, and can't be near me because it makes them think about what is eventually going to happen.    2 books that I read that helped me make some sense of things are:    "I wasn't ready to say goodbye" and "How to go on living when someone you love dies".  

Thanks to all of you who post here, it makes me feel like I am not going crazy. 

Comment by Karen Britt on February 11, 2012 at 5:42pm

Hello.  My name is Karen and I lost my partner, Jules, two weeks ago from cancer.  She had a stroke in October and a CT revealed stage 4 cancer.  I miss her so much and have been looking for a group such as this. 

Comment by Stan Dunn on November 22, 2011 at 10:33pm

Thank you, Jeanne, for taking the time to start this site.  When I lost my soulmate nearly 7 years ago there was no group in the Bay Area to turn to.  My friends, family and coworkers were all extremely supportive, but after a few weeks it becomes fairly clear that the subject becomes uncomfortable.  I had a hard time believing that our community had no support groups for grieving widows and widowers of same-sex relationships.  Anyway, this forum was long overdue, and I am grateful to you for bringing it into our lives.

For those who have lost your mate recently, it does get better.  Don't think you have to 'get over it' or 'move on' (two phrases I truly despise) but you can come to terms with the loss and learn to accept these new circumstances. 

I lost my soulmate Steve 7 years ago next month, and there is still a significant sense of loss in my life (that is, a huge gaping hole in my heart).  I hope to give and gain support here.  Thanks again for being around.


Comment by William Kotowski on August 28, 2011 at 7:41pm
My partner died the morning after Thanksgiving 2010, in our bed, unexpectedly.  We met 23 yrs ago when we were both 21. We were together everyday after that day.  I have everything I ever wanted except my best friend and lover.  I tried to find a gay support group for widowers in my area but found nothing. Not even the Gay Crisis Center! Everything & one was about seeing a therapist which I already do, but I want to talk to gay men that have lost their soul mate.

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